Forever Dark(49)

I can’t help but notice his appearance and that he was in a fight before he came here.

“What happened?”

Just below his right eye is a bruise forming, welted red and purple. His nose looks like it was bleeding at some point along with the split in his lip.

“I met Jay.”

I flinch when he says that and he sees it. My stomach twists, my heart pounds in my ears as I start to shake.

Oh God, no. Please tell me he didn’t. He did though. It’s obvious.

“What did he say to you?”

Cash raises his eyebrow. “Does it look like we said much of anything?”

No. It certainly doesn’t look like any talking took place. There’s a layer of guilt I can’t ignore. I drove him towards Jay. That was on me.

He’s been quiet for a minute staring at the broken window and the chair below it.

“Who was it?” He mumbles pushing himself from the wall he’s leaning against, refusing to sit down. “Who did you fuck before me the other night?”

“What?” I’m caught off guard by his demand and the lowness of his voice. He knows who it was. Why would he torture himself like this?

“Say it.” His head turns to me, his eyes narrow. He stares at me for a second, much longer than I would have expected before his gaze drops.

“Cash… I… ” I reach for him, trying to make him sit down but he refuses and flings his arms away.

“Enough lies. Don’t make any excuses.” He turns to face the broken window, arms crossed over his chest. “Own up to it. Say it,” his eyes find mine as he looks over his shoulder at me. “Say his fucking name.”

“Jay.”

“How many others have there been?” He asks with a slow exhale, his face contorted in pain.

I don’t answer and that’s enough, he knows that even I don’t know.

“You don’t even know, do you?” I shake my head and he flinches, a dagger to the heart. “And I’m supposed to believe that?”

“Yes.”

“What did I tell you?” He’s in my face again, demanding, refusing to let up. “I told you to stay away from Jay. He’s the one guy I asked you to stay away from. I fucking begged you.” Cash turns and I brace myself for what he might throw next but he doesn’t.

“Colton knows too.” He paces the floor, his feet crunching in the broken glass and he bites his nails, a nervous habit he’s had since he was a nine-year-old boy sending me check yes or no notes. “He’s probably told everyone by now.”

“He wouldn’t do that.” I tell him, staring at the floor.

“Yes, he would, Madison. YES, HE WOULD! You are so fucking blind to everything around you.” He pants, the rage is consuming him but he’s trying to calm down. I can see him struggling with it, wanting it, but resisting.

I’ve never seen Cash like this.

Ever.

I’ve seen him happy, consumed with lust, soaring, sad, carrying a casket with his best friend in it, crying, but never like this. He’s never shown much emotion around me but this, he’s breaking.

Piece by piece he’s breaking.

He’s not just angry with me. No, there’s more to this than just me cheating on him. That night is giving him rage too. Feeding him in ways he can never imagine. It’s all coming back and he’s finally placing the blame.

“Why? Why wasn’t I enough?” He asks slowly, rough with unsteady anger. “I gave you everything you wanted. Why couldn’t I be enough to save you? Why couldn’t you have waited until we got there?”

I catch the meaning behind that question before he does. He’s so angry he doesn’t even see his slip up.

“I don’t need saving.” I shake my head and wrap my arms around myself, cold, shivering from the ice emanating off him.

“You’re right. You’re fucking broken. And I’m done.” He swallowed, tears flowing over his red cheeks. “The way I loved you was consuming.” He spit, clouded, rage filled eyes stabbing me with his past tense words that rip my skin wide open. “I can’t fucking do it anymore. The best thing that has ever happened to me was seeing that missing condom, and hearing it from Colton that you fucked Jay.”

No. The best thing that could have happened to him was leaving me years ago before I had a chance to destroy him like this.

I deserve everything he’s saying.

I deserve so much more.

I’m a horrible person not only for what I did that night, but everything I’ve done since then.

To Cash.

To Macy.

Everyone.

Just when I think he might leave, he doesn’t and lets out a strangled breath. “I can’t,” he crashes finally and braces himself against the wall. His legs give way, his feet sliding against shards of glass. “I can’t do this anymore.” He sobs into his hands.