Forever Dark(48)

Nothing fazes her. She just stares at me.

We’re that hurricane. She’s my wind, she forces me to the edge of destruction, never releasing me from her grip.

See what you’ve done.

“You’re killing him. You. Are. Killing. Him.”

Eventually, Madison does say something. And it only pisses me off. Makes me see red tides and lies that sink. “I know what you’re going to say to me.”

Oh yeah? The fuck you do.

“Then let me say it.” I say, slamming the door shut with my foot. “Tell me, Madison.” I take another step, I’m not going to touch her, I never would in anger, but she feels the hate radiating from me. It trembles her body and catches her breath. It takes eyes that are drowning and suffocates them completely. “How many more ways are you going to rip my heart out?”

“I’m sorry!” She cries into her palms covering her face. “I’m so sorry!”

I reach out and rip her hands from her face to see her tears. “You’re sorry?” Raising my eyebrow, I smile and then grab for the chair that sits at her desk. “YOU’RE FUCKING SORRY?!” Taking it over my head I throw it at the window above her bed. It shatters on impact, the sound deafening in the small space. People scramble outside her dorm room, Jenny starts screaming next door and tells me she’s calling the police.

Go ahead. Call them. I want to say, there’s your fucking king, assholes. Worship that.

Madison doesn’t move from her place against the wall at the end of her bed, her arms wrapped around her waist, curling into herself.

She’s afraid of me right then.

Good.

“How many more ways are you going to break me? How many more ways, huh?” She’s not answering me, and it makes my anger soar higher. “Goddamn it… ANSWER ME!”

Something in her changes and her own anger takes over, a side I haven’t seen in a while, surfacing and raging, spit through gritted teeth and tight lips. “I’m sorry!”

“Yeah?” Feeling my lip bleeding again from where Jay got me, I run the back of my shaking hand over my mouth. “You sure about that? You fucking positive?”

Madison nods, cold but collected, still crying. “I am.”

I hope your tears burn as bad as my stomach does.

“Sorry it happened, or sorry I found out?” I can barely even get these words out, there’s so much anger emanating from me that speaking is an effort.

“All of it.” Her voice breaks, like the glass beneath her and I feel a jolt of nausea hit me. I swallow over the acid rising up. “I’m really sorry.” Tears soak her cheeks and lips, her shirt and my heart. “I… didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you.”

“Love me? Bullshit. Bull. Fucking. Shit. You don’t love me.”

I back up from her, just a step, I can’t take the heat, the way she controls me. I’m defying her, I’m taking my fucking stand for once.

But then I think, go ahead. Show her what a piece of shit you can be.

“I hate you right now, Madison. I fucking hate you for who you’ve made me become...” My eyes shift from hers to the floor, the wall, the window, then search bloodshot blues that have no depth. “A broken piece of shit who loves a girl who will never love him back.”

I’m saying things I might not mean. I should shut up. I should but I don’t. I want her to feel the agony I feel. The agony I’ve always felt and she feeds. “I’ve tried to fuck around on you. I try all the time. I wanted you to feel just an ounce of the pain you cause me. But I get so far, and I stop. I stop because it’s not even close to the way I feel when I’m with you.” My eyes burn so I turn away, hiding what she doesn’t deserve to see. But then I turn back because fuck her, let her see it. Let her feel the pain. Tears stream down my face when I look at her. “I wanted to be able to tell you I was with someone else. I wanted to see your face when I told you that I fucked someone else. I never could though, because I couldn’t do that to you. I never wanted you to feel what I feel right now, like my heart has been ripped from my goddamn chest.”

She obliterated me. Like there was never even a choice at all.

I avoided it because I thought she felt it. I thought she loved me.

I’m so frustrated and lost and consumed by this anger I can’t even see straight. The words spilling from me, from my chest, leave me bitter and never so vulnerable as I am right now. The anger makes me hazy and I’m doing and saying things I might not mean. I drag my eyes from hers, sighing. I’m exhausted. I’m so fucking done with this.





He’s breathing heavy, panting, trying to control himself but I see it. He’s gone.