Characters
Jake
An attractive, laid back twenty-something musician in need of someone who can keep him in line. Or at least tolerate him.
Emma
An attractive, thirty-something attorney who runs off every male she encounters, deliberately or otherwise.
Jill
Waitress at the Hereford Pub.
Bill
Bartender at the Hereford Pub.
Brickman
Long-time custodian at the Bryn Mawr Academy for Boys. He is a laid back, middle-aged man who has observed the exploits of Jake with a combination of amusement, horror, and affection.
Production Notes
Dinner, Sex and a Movie requires a minimum of 4 actors (2 male/2 female) and can accommodate a maximum of five actors with speaking parts (3 male/2 female). Extras may be added as desired for Act 2.
Actors playing the roles of Jake and Emma can only play those roles. All other actors may play multiple roles.
Approximate running time is 90 minutes.
Stage directions are deliberately minimal to allow actors and directors room for improvisation and interpretation.
Dinner, Sex and a Movie is for mature audiences. Acts 3 and 4 contain numerous character transitions in and out of bed that may require nudity or added instructions to avoid nudity, depending on the desire of the director and company.
Productions may incorporate limited nudity at these points so long as it is tastefully done and no longer than necessary. Conversely, directors and/or actors may add stage directions (or take other steps) to minimize or eliminate nudity so long as it does not change the dialog or story. So long as they adhere to these requirements, these actions may be made with or without contacting the author.
Act 1: The Phone Number
Scene:
A music room at a boarding school. On a Sunday evening.
An old grand piano is in the foreground. There are miscellaneous instruments about, in and out of cases, and marching band uniforms hanging on a rack. A banner hangs in the background that reads “Bryn Mawr Academy for Boys.”
A door to a hallway is visible at the rear of the stage (up-stage); it is propped open.
The only occupant of the room is a twenty-something male, wearing jeans and a black T-shirt. He is sitting on the piano bench, playing an unplugged, worn Fender Stratocaster electric guitar. He occasionally stops to write chords down on a sheet of paper. He is trying to write a song, without much luck.
After a few minutes of this, he gives up. He crumples up the piece of paper and throws it at a trashcan on one side of the room.
He then plays the opening notes of Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven before standing up and placing the guitar in a soft case. He takes one last look around the room, then walks to the outside door, stage left, to leave.
He begins to open the door, then stops and waits. After a moment he shuts the door and walks back into the room with a sense of purpose. He puts the guitar down, slides the piano bench out, and climbs underneath the piano, lying flat on his back. He runs his index along the underside of the piano as if he is looking for something specific.
He takes out his cell phone and dials a number he is reading from the bottom of the piano.
Jake:
Can I speak to Emma?
Stage right becomes partially illuminated, revealing an attractive woman holding a phone. She is wearing yoga pants and a tank top.
Emma:
Goddammit!
Jake:
Um…hi?
Emma:
Who is this?
Jake:
Jake.
Emma:
Are you underneath the piano in that Godforsaken music room?
Jake: (sliding out from under piano and sitting up):
No.
Emma:
Liar. How old are you, “Jake?”
Jake:
Twenty-six.
Emma:
Then what are you doing at the Bryn Mawr Academy for Boys?
Jake:
Just passing through.
Emma:
And you decided to call this number?
Jake:
Well, I assumed that’s why you wrote it here. Along with (leaning back under the piano, reading) Jane, Katrina, Susan and Rachael. Might I ask what you were doing in an academy for boys?
Jake climbs out from under the piano and stands up.
Emma:
I was a fifteen year-old idiot at summer camp. Not that that’s any of your business. And now my parents still get calls because of my mistake. Years later.
Jake:
You live with your parents?
Emma:
No! Dear God. I just got lucky enough to be here the night you decided to call.
Jake:
Nice.
Emma:
No, it’s not nice. It’s an albatross around my neck. Tell me, “Jake,” what’s the tuition at that school, anyway?
Jake:
Lots. Why?
Emma:
Well, most schools replace their pianos every few years. Yours won’t for some reason. So I am reduced to fantasizing about breaking in and taking an ax to it. Then I wouldn’t have to put up with this nonsense.