Emma:
You, and every other boy in One Nine Zero One Zero.
Jake:
I was leaving. But something wouldn’t let me. I was meant to call you.
Emma:
This is more of a completely random, poorly thought-out whim.
Jake:
What if it wasn’t random? You said it yourself, you don’t live at this number any more. But here we are on the phone.
Pause.
Emma:
I can’t believe I’m listening to this.
Jake:
But you are. You could have hung up on me already.
Emma:
OK, I –
Jake (cutting her off):
That means we should meet.
Emma:
No, whatever it means, I assure you it doesn’t mean that.
Jake:
Can we both just walk away from this moment?
Emma:
Yes. In a matter of seconds.
Jake:
Don’t.
Another pause.
Jake:
Meet me.
Emma:
For all you know, I’m the ugliest girl you’ve ever seen.
Jake:
All I know is I need to see you. I’m not worried about anything else.
Emma:
This is the type of notoriously poor judgment call I advise women against on a daily basis.
Jake:
I’m hearing “Yes.”
Emma:
Pick a well-lit, public place. In West Chester.
Jake:
Why West Chester?
Emma:
Because I don’t want you anywhere near where I live. What have you got against West Chester?
Jake:
I was thinking Conshy.
Emma (sharply):
How about Andover, Massachusetts?
Jake (winces):
West Chester’s cool. How do I get there?
Emma (disbelieving):
From Bryn Mawr? You take Bryn Mawr Avenue to West Chester Pike.
Jake:
Oh. Yeah.
Emma:
Jesus. You better be cute given how well you have stupid down.
Jake:
Easy, I’m kidding. The Hereford Pub on Gay Street hasn’t banned me yet. We can meet there. Eight O’clock tomorrow night. I’ll buy you dinner.
Emma:
How am I even considering this? Sorry, I’ve changed my mind.
Jake:
You can have the bread pudding for dessert.
Emma:
It’s been nice, Jack, Jake, or whatever your name is.
Jake:
Show up.
Emma:
I don’t think so.
Jake:
I’ll be at the bar. Eight O’clock. Black T-shirt. Jeans.
Emma:
Goodnight. Don’t ever call this number again.
Emma hangs up the phone loudly. Her side of stage goes dark; she is no longer visible.
Pause.
Jake (to himself, smiling):
She’ll be there.
He exits the music room via the outside door.
End of Act One.
Act 2: Dinner, or “The Andover Incident”
Scene:
The Hereford Pub, West Chester. Monday night.
Jake is sitting at the bar with a five-dollar bill and a pint of beer in front of him. He is talking to Jill, the waitress, as she comes and goes with drinks.
Bill is manning the bar. There is sufficient background noise to indicate they are doing a good business that night.
Jake:
I think it went well.
Jill (disbelieving):
Based on that description? She hung up on you.
Jake:
Yeah.
Jill:
I can’t tell whether I find you cute despite how stupid you are, or because of it.
Jake:
You are one mean bitch of a waitress, you know that.
Jill:
And you are a hopeless optimist. When was this “Emma” supposed to get here again?
Jake:
Eight.
Jill:
And what time is it now?
Jake:
Eight thirty-five.
Jill:
I’m calling it. You and your broken heart owe me five bucks.
Jake slides the five-dollar bill across the bar.
Jake:
But I get to go home with you as consolation, right?
Jill:
No. But I bet you could go home with Bill. You know how he feels about you.
Bill hears his name, looks over and waves in Jake’s direction. Jake looks about the bar, partly to find Emma, partly to avoid Bill.
Jill:
What did you tell her you looked like? Adonis, probably.
Jake (shrugs):
Black T-shirt, jeans.
Jill looks about the bar, counting.
Jill:
Nice one. You, and at least ten other kids in here meet that description tonight.
Jake:
She’ll pick me out. I’m the good-looking one.
Jill:
Of course, because good-looking guys meet girls by dialing random phone numbers scrawled under pianos.
Jake:
You make it sound like this is out of the ordinary.
Jill:
I’m calling you a creeper. Creeper.
Jake:
She’ll be here. She lives out here.
Jill:
She told you where she lives?
Jake:
No, but she told me she told me she doesn’t live anywhere near here.
Jill (flustered):
OK, you are making zero sense right now.
Jake:
Stay with me on this: she knew her curiosity would get the best of her. And if she is going to take a risk, she’s going to do it with minimum investment. I’ll bet you five dollars she walks here.