Devil You Know(81)

“If you let your grief out that day,” I ask, “then why does it hurt you so bad now? Why do you still carry such a burden around?”

“Because I look back on my life, Jane, and I see a path littered with bad choices. I hurt people; I hurt myself. I took the easy option, and I’m going to pay for it as long as I live. The kind of guys we’re mixed up with, they won’t let us go. They have a hold over us, wherever we go. I can’t escape this life. Not when so many bad people know things about me that could end it all.”

I trap one of his hands between my feet, and rub it. I need to find a silver lining to his predicament if he’s going to have a hope of being comfortable with it. “You said you’re a bounty hunter, right? Surely the people you pick up have as much responsibility over the outcome as any of us. They got themselves in that situation, so why should you feel bad for making them be held accountable? Maybe you’re just what they need to scare them into line?” My gut churns at how easily I can make his ‘profession’ sound justified, but I needed to do it for him. I needed to make him okay with who he is so he can have the confidence to change.

“Jane, you don’t get it unless you see it. Some of those people are like I was: hungry, desperate, and out of options. They don’t have a choice. But instead of showing them how they can get themselves out of the hole they’re in, I drag them deeper into the mud.

“I’ve never been there when they’ve been dealt with; we drop them off, and go. But I’ve heard about it. I’ve heard about what they do. It’s not a slap on the hand, Jane.”

“Yeah, I get that.” I sigh, and shift so that I’m lying with my head tucked into the side of his chest. He wraps his arm over my shoulders, and rests his lips on my forehead. “How do the other guys feel about what you all do?”

“Bronx does the same as me, but Ty is the pencil-pusher out of us. He collates the info on where to find people, and how to get to them. We’ve done pretty well to keep out of the uglier side of things, until now.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“One of the outfits we do work for; he wants us to take care of the punishments as well. Reckons it’s taking up too much of his time, and is trying to strike a deal with Ty to outsource the work.”

“Who’s ‘he’?”

“The club president.”

“Surely Ty has the right to say no?”

“As he does to take us out if he feels we’re too much of a liability to his business. It’s a fine line we walk, being mercenaries. Everyone wants you on his or her side, but nobody trusts you. You don’t work hard enough on keeping those connections, you’re out.”

I frown. “But I thought you said there was no out.”

“Out, Jane. As in dead. Gone”

“Oh.” Fear sweeps over me at the thought that the people Malice works for would top him if he ever slacked off. No wonder he stays as fit as he does; I bet there’s no room for error. “Does that scare you? The thought of being . . . outed?”

“Sometimes. It sure keeps you in line. Let’s say I haven’t had a sick day in a while.” He chuckles.

I’m not finding this funny, in the slightest. “I don’t understand, though. You don’t associate with these people other than the ‘work’ you do, so what’s stopping you from slipping out of town one night?”

“I wish it were that easy, babe. They have eyes everywhere. The guy I just mentioned knows I have you here.”

I sit upright, and stare at him with a frown in place. “What? How?”

“Mario keeps tabs on everything, Jane. He didn’t get to be the president by not knowing how to keep his thumb on everything, and everybody.”

“Are there people watching now? Like, does he have people following you?”

“Not all the time.” He shakes his head. “It’s like . . . random inspections I guess.”

“How do you know?” I ask. “How do you know, that he knows about me?”

“He asked me if you were going to be a liability.”

My blood runs cold. I’m never going to be safe from the people in the world who can hurt me. Dylan, Malice when he’s angry, Malice’s boss—I’m surrounded by risks. Everywhere.

“What did you say?” I ask.

“I told him you knew nothing about what I do.”

“You lied?”

“Not exactly. Back then you didn’t.”

“So, let me get this straight. If we went our separate ways, I’d be at risk.”

“Only if you showed signs of knowing about what he does, what we do.”