Devil You Know(82)
He says it so casually, like it’s the kind of risk people come across day-to-day. I can’t decide if I’m angry at him for putting me in this situation, or if I’m scared at the thought of a gang following me, watching me, assessing me.
“I’d never let them get to you,” he assures.
“But they could, right? I mean, they got Tigger.”
His expression hardens, and I know I struck a chord. “No, Carlos got Tigger.”
We could argue about this for days, and still never reach a satisfactory position. He works for what I assume to be biker gangs, drug outfits and worse. He’s watched, and therefore, so am I. What can we do about it now? Nothing.
“What’s done is done,” I say, and settle into his side once more. “At least now I know its not only Dylan I need to watch for when I’m out.”
“They won’t harm you,” he says. “They’ll watch you, and watch me, but they won’t hurt you if you’re no risk to them.”
“Malice?”
“Yeah?” He strokes the hair off my face, and tips my chin so I face him.
“Now you’ve told me all of that, do you feel any different? About us?”
“I do, actually. I’m not so worried you’ll try to run.”
“That’s not funny,” I say.
He smiles wryly, and kisses the tip of my nose. “I didn’t mean because of them.” He chuckles. “I meant, I told you all of that and you didn’t panic; you didn’t freak out. You looked at the situation rationally.”
“That’s what you think,” I joke. “You didn’t feel my heartbeat when you dropped that on me.”
“I’m serious, Jane. They won’t hurt you. You don’t pose a threat to them. I can tell you now, the only day you need to worry is the day I don’t come home.”
I look up at him, and frown. “Why?”
“If ever I don’t show up and you can’t get hold of me, you leave. You hear me?”
I nod.
“If I get outed, then they’ll clear up the loose ends, and that means you. If I go missing, you become invisible. Understand?”
“I wish you’d told me this at the start.” I sigh. “I might have tried the other neighbor out instead.”
“I would have paid him a visit.” He smiles. “You would’ve been on my doorstep before you knew it.”
“You’re unstoppable.” I swat at his chest.
“Only with you.” He leans down, and meets my lips with a tender kiss. I pull away, and Malice rests his forehead to mine.
“I’m glad you came over that day.” Malice sighs, and closes his eyes. ”Help me be better, Jane. If only for you.”
“I’ll do what I can,” I say, and kiss him lightly. “You’re a hard nut to crack.”
“That I am.” He leans back, and crushes me with a smile—a genuinely happy one. The kind he rarely dishes out. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like I’m swimming through custard, but okay.”
“Thinking you might die scared me,” he admits.
I look to the floor, to Rocco, to anywhere but the pain in his eyes. “I know.” It would have scared me, too, had the situation been reversed.
His fingers rub a slow rhythm over my knuckles. He watches the movement, our breathing the only sounds that fill the quiet house. It’s a sweet moment of intimacy, and what I love most is that I don’t feel pressure to take it further. He’s not pushing me for more, and in turn, that makes me want to give it to him.
I feel comfortable.
I feel safe.
I feel like making love to this man.
One foot after the other, I step off the couch and lead him up the hallway. He follows with a curious look in his eye, like he’s not sure we should be doing this when I’m so fresh out of hospital.
“Are you sure you’re up for it?” he asks as we enter what I’ve now dubbed ‘our’ room.
“As long as you’re gentle with me.” I smile.
He runs the backs of his fingers along my jaw. I lean in to the touch, totally addicted to the way his skin feels against mine.
Malice takes the lead, letting his fingers wander down my body until he has the hem of my shirt in his hands. I lift my arms and let him undress me, reveling in the care, and adoration he displays. I use his shoulder for balance as he lifts my feet one by one to remove my denim shorts. His palms skim my legs, from ankle to thigh as he stands. A moan falls from my lips. All the previous worries melt into nothing. Every illegal club, or gang in the state could be watching us right now and I’d still take the time to have this with him.