Devil You Know(84)
“Maybe he wants to apologize? Set things straight?”
Malice’s eyes lift from my hand. “What if he doesn’t? I don’t know if I could handle my reaction if he’s only after something—if he doesn’t care still.”
“I’m sure he cares.”
His expression softens. “What was it like, learning your parents hadn’t forgotten about you? That they missed you?”
I sigh, and think about the conversations I’ve had with Mom since our brief chat at the coffee shop. We’ve had a few brief talks over the phone, but the unspoken cloud of remorse hangs about whenever we do. Those years were wasted, and I don’t think the thought of that will ever stop saddening me.
“It was hard,” I say. “I’m not going to lie. It hurt knowing I wasted all that time, knowing I might have had a way out after all.”
His lips quirk to a small smile, and I scoot closer so that I lean into his side. He wraps an arm around my shoulders, and pulls me tight. “You can’t change your past, Jane. Just look at it this way—at least you have them now.”
“I guess that’s a good way of seeing it.”
We sit in silence for a while, Malice running his fingers through my hair, sipping his coffee every so often, and me drawing lazy circles on his leg with my finger. He kisses the top of my head, and sighs.
“We’ve still got something else we need to talk about.”
My heart picks up pace, and my body tenses.
“It’s not bad,” he reassures me. “At least, I don’t think it is.”
I chuckle with him, and pull back to look at his face. He smiles, and traces my jaw.
“You need to stop worrying so much, Jane.”
“It’s kind of hard not to with the way things have gone of late.” My mood sours, and he coaxes my dropping chin up with a finger.
“Stop. I’ll tell you when you need to be worried. Okay? Stop with the needless worrying.”
“What did you want to talk about?” I ask. The sooner we get it out in the open, the sooner I can stop worrying—maybe.
“My house in town.”
Next to him. “Yeah?”
“I don’t want to live there anymore.”
“Malice,” I say, and sit up straight. “I can’t make you change your whole life for me.”
“I already have,” he says with a stoic expression. “Besides, I can’t live there with the memories of what he did to you.”
“And I can’t live there with you if it’s next door to him . . . right?”
He nods at my assumption. “Exactly. I want you with me, and it wouldn’t work out there. Sooo . . .”
I gesture for him to continue, and stop dragging this torture out.
“I thought we could find somewhere together.”
“I like it here?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “This is Ty’s holiday home. He’s been good enough to let us have it this long. I can’t expect to have it permanently.”
“Oh.”
“It’s no hassle. We’ll find somewhere.”
I nod, and stare at my hands, winding in the hem of my shirt. “I’m sure we will, it’s just—”
“What?”
“I have no money, Malice. I haven’t been able to get a job yet. How will I pay my half?”
“What half?” He smirks.
I narrow my gaze on him. If he thinks I’m going to keep on this free ride from him, he has another thing coming.
“I have enough to sort us out, Jane. Don’t stress about it. You feel bad by accepting what I’m offering? I feel bad that you won’t damn well accept.”
Point made. It is rude of me to continue to push his generosity back in his face. Still, it doesn’t make taking his handouts any easier.
“What if I can’t get a job, ever? What if there’s nothing out there for me for a long time?” I ask. “I don’t want you burdening my share for too long.”
“What if I don’t want you to work?”
I stare at him, unsure where he’s heading with this.
“Babe, I’ve watched you, and thought about having you for so long. I don’t want to lose you to some other jackass for fifty hours a week. I want you here when I’m here. I want us to have time together. Fuck knows, we’ll need it to work through the shit both of us bring to the table.” He shifts to face me. The importance of his words is clear in his actions.
“Besides, what if he found where you worked? It would kill me if anything happened to you and I wasn’t there. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but moving away from him hasn’t made the asshole go away. He’ll still be looking for you. He still wants you under his thumb. The guy won’t quit.”