Dear Ava(45)

“He’s your dad and a lot like you—what do you think?” I didn’t dislike him, though I wasn’t a fan of his message. Besides what he had to say, I thought he was a nice guy.

He’s about to speak when another voice breaks in.

“My house, out at the barn. Keg. Ten o’clock. See you there,” Liam calls out as he runs over to Knox. His expression cools when he sees me and he shoots Knox an assessing, hard look. “You coming, QB1? We have a lot to celebrate. Some of the Morganville cheerleaders are stopping by.”

Knox looks at Liam, and I can’t see Knox’s face, but I sense the tension coming off him in waves. Even so, his words are smooth as silk. “Yeah. Dane and Chance are with me. See you there.”

Liam gives him a broad smile. “That’s what I’m talking about. See you there.”

“You’re going?” I say when Liam walks off, my voice incredulous. I mean, we didn’t make any plans today, but the keg party? Seriously?

He rubs his face, smearing the paint. “Don’t freak out. Monday I can explain everything.”

Confusion hits. Monday? “What’s happening then—”

“Give me tonight, Tulip. I’m not going because I want to, but because I need things to look normal. I’ll text you, okay?”

Look normal?

Does he mean for football, to keep the peace between the players over me?

Knox lives and breathes football, and I can’t change that. I shouldn’t want to, but—

“Awesome game, Knox!” Wyatt and Piper call out, interrupting my thoughts.

He accepts their praise then gives me a lingering, soft glance until his face tightens. “Later, Tulip.”

And then he’s dashing off to the locker room.

I feel winded as Wyatt and I walk back to the dorm. Piper has already left with her parents.

“He’s going to the kegger?” he asks when I tell him what’s going on, anger coloring his voice.

“That’s what he said.”

He scowls. “Asshole. Are you okay?”

“Not really.” My head is jumbled up, working through Knox’s comments and thinking about Mr. Grayson’s.

I’m young. He’s young.

Anger stirs inside me too, imagining Knox at the kegger with other girls—

Ugh.

Just stop.

I trust him, right?

He paid for my housing. He hit Liam over me. He wants to protect me.

And what is it costing him, to go against his team?

I shove down my misgivings as we reach the dorm.

A woman calls over from across the parking lot. She takes off in a jog over to us.

“Ava! Oh my God. Wait a second!”

“Mom?” I gasp out, still halfway thinking about Knox.

I shove that aside and rub my eyes. Six freaking years and here she is, wearing faded leggings and a shirt with a stain on it. Her hair is long and stringy, the brown strands lank.

Wyatt grunts, and I realize I’ve clamped on to his arm.

“Ava?” he whispers. “Do I need to call security?”

My mouth dries. “No, not yet.”

She’s reached us and comes to a halt, drinking in my face. She smiles widely, but all I can see are the bruises on her arms.

“Ava, sweetheart, it is you,” she says breathlessly, holding her hands up in a prayer motion against her lips.

I swallow. “What are you doing here?”

She takes Wyatt in, and I see the moment she knows he’s got money: his shoes, his designer jeans, the beautiful tattoos. “Hi.” She glances back at me. “You have nice friends, Ava. I’m so glad.”

This isn’t happening.

I look up at Wyatt. “Can you give me a moment?”

“No. You haven’t let go of me, and there’s a reason for that.”

“Wyatt, please.” My throat tightens and I beg him with my eyes. Please. I don’t want him to see her, to know the details of where I come from. I told Knox, but that was different. She wasn’t here in person then!

He lets out a sigh, frowning. “Fine. I’ll be inside.” He points his fingers at his eyes then at mine. “Watching you.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask my mother once he’s out of earshot.

“I wanted to see you, of course.”

I clench my fists, taking that in. “Well, here I am. I’m surprised you recognized me.”

“Your hair is different and you’re taller, but there’s no mistaking that pretty little face.” She rushes over closer and hugs me, and I hug her back automatically. She cups my face. “You sure are gorgeous, baby girl. Just like your mama when I was your age.”

I tug out of her grip. “Why are you here all of a sudden?”

She licks her lips and looks out at the parking lot. Following the direction, I see an old beat-up Toyota sedan and a man sitting in the driver’s seat.

“Is that Cooper?” I snap.

She waves me off. “Ha, no. He left a while ago. That’s Keith. He’s my man. We’ve been together for a few years. I don’t know where Cooper ended up, maybe still in California.”

I point at the bruises on her arm. “Good one, huh?”

She frowns. “No need to judge me. How’s Tyler?” Her eyes seem to light up.

Pure terror washes over me. “He’s fine.”

“How bad is he? Does he hurt?”

She’s talking about his FAS diagnosis. When he was born, there was so much up in the air as far as how well he’d do the older he got, and Mama missed all the tests he went through, the medical exams.

But, I lie. Hell yeah I do, because if she’s here for him, to use him somehow, I can’t… “Constant medical care. Nearly blind.”

Please forgive me, Tyler. You are amazing.

“I’d love to see him.” She rubs her arms. “Is he still at Sisters of Charity? Are they taking good care of him?”

I suck in a breath. Not going to answer that. “Technically, he isn’t yours anymore. When you leave a newborn, the state of Tennessee considers that as you giving up your rights.” It’s called the Safe Haven Law and while I don’t know all the specifics, I do know that it enabled her to leave him without breaking the child abandonment laws. She walked away and that was it. We were left in the hands of the nuns.

She gets a faraway look on her face and sighs. “I did the best I could for him. The nuns are good.” She toys with the edge of her stained shirt. “I drove past there, you know, and saw a kid getting out of that van they drive. He had these thick glasses on and…” She bites her lip. “He looked like Cooper. Was that him?”

“There are twenty little kids there. How do I know? And he looks nothing like Cooper.”

She shrugs, letting it go. “You didn’t come to the diner again. Why not?”

“How did you know where I go to school?”

“I followed your Instagram last year. You deleted it though. How are you, baby? This is a fancy place, all these pretty buildings, and look at you and that hot guy. Is he your boyfriend? He looks rich.”

“He’s a kid. He doesn’t have money, Mama.”

“But I bet his family does. Good for you. That’s what you need, a rich guy.”

“Mama, stop.”

The guy in the car opens his door and gets out, leaning against it as he lights up a cigarette. He’s skinny, like Mama, with slouchy clothing and tattoos on his neck and face, and they aren’t nice ones like Wyatt’s. He sends us a long look, and I feel him checking me out as he blows smoke in the air.

I focus back on her. “What do you want?”

She laughs, her eyes wide as she looks me up and down. “Come on, let’s be sweet. I’ve missed you and it killed me to leave you, but if I hadn’t, Cooper would have worked his way to you, and he might not have just hit you, you see. And Tyler…poor defenseless baby. I miss having kids.” She pauses. “I saw that kid, and it was him, and he didn’t look terrible to me. You lie, Ava.”

“What do you want?” I yell, my patience stretched thin, my nerves on edge.

She stiffens, looking petulant. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

I exhale as the past tugs at me a little. “I’m glad you’re okay. I haven’t heard from you since you left. I thought…I thought you might be dead.”

She laughs. “I’m not.”

I blow out a breath. “Mama, what do you want?”

Her lips turn down. “Money.”

Now, the reality behind her note and visit are crystal clear, and I swallow down the hurt it causes me even though I expected it. “I see.”

“But if I can’t get any, maybe I’ll call one of those family lawyers, see what it might take to get Tyler back—unless you can help me? What do you say? I bet you have some money saved from waiting tables, or maybe your boyfriend has some cash? Just a little would do me a lot of good, baby girl.”

My eyes flare. She’s probably still using. I don’t smell any alcohol on her, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t high, and it’s dark out here…ugh.

I don’t believe she’ll call anyone. She doesn’t want Tyler; she just wants the money, and she’ll only wear me down, lingering around the diner and school, and geeze, she’s my mom, she’s my mom, and I haven’t laid eyes on her in so long…

She was a terrible mother, so bad, but she’s still the person who brought me into this world, and I can feel that tiny, fragile bond right now, twisting in my heart. I feel like a little kid all over again, wondering if she’s okay, if she’ll hug me, if she’ll be home when I get back from school.