Dear Ava(48)

“You will.”

“Maybe.” Then, “Why did you come back, Ava? Knox said it was for Tyler, and I hate that I never met him. Shit, I did so many things wrong.”

Why did I come back to this fucking place…why did I come back?

I look up and move my gaze over the campus, lingering on the main building with its ivy-covered turrets in the distance. I hate this place, hate it so much it makes me queasy every morning when I walk through those doors, when I see the faces of those people who didn’t believe me, who called me snitch and slut and—

Clarity tiptoes in, softly and quietly, and my bent spine straightens. I’ve been telling myself I was sacrificing myself for Tyler, to get him into a good school, and while part of that is very, very true, I just as well could have gone to Morganville and taken my chances. Even though their services aren’t as good, it would have been better than his inner-city school. No, the truth is, I haven’t wanted to look too hard at that gnawing, ugly, other reason I’ve pushed myself to walk into this place for the past few weeks.

I exhale. “I came back for vengeance, to show all of you that nothing in this goddamn world will ever hold me back from finding out who hurt me. I’m Ava Tulip Harris and no one hurts me, but this place, this place, I had to come back and show you all that I’m worth more than what someone did to me in the woods.” I close my eyes. “And now I know who he is.”

“They’ll get him, or Knox and I will,” he murmurs, taking my hand and lacing our fingers together. “What will you do now?”

I look at him then, studying that handsome face, his piercing blue eyes. “I hate everything about this place. It makes me sick to walk in those doors everyday—even with Knox next to me.” It’s not an answer, but he nods.

“Do you hate me? Even Knox?”

My throat pricks with emotion. Never Knox.

I wish, I wish he’d told me, but I get it, even as leftover anger still bubbles.

He breaks our eye contact and looks off into the distance. “I’m here if you need anything. I know you don’t want that—”

“I forgive you, Chance.” I squeeze his hand.

His eyes glisten as they come back to me. “Shit. Thank you.”

Turning, I lean in closer. “Go and be sweet and especially kind to the next girl you love.” I huff out a laugh. “Even if it’s Brooklyn.”

“Ava, fuck, I don’t even know what to say…” He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight, and we just do that for a long time.









On Monday, I walk into Camden and look around at the portraits hanging around us, all those graduates, and sigh.

Knox, Dane, and Chance lean against the wall near the entrance.

It feels so much like that first day, only this time, there’s no dread in me. I’ve packed up everything that’s happened over the past year. Pretty soon, I won’t have to shove down thoughts and memories about this place.

Knox meets me, jogging over. His eyes search mine, shadows under his. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Liam was arrested this morning. I texted you.” He looks down then back up at me. “You didn’t reply.”

I nod, not responding to that.

The police called me on Sunday afternoon and asked me to come. They asked the same questions, and I told them about recognizing Liam’s voice outside the gym, but I couldn’t tell if it even mattered since I didn’t see him.

I look away from Knox’s stare.

“Everyone knows,” he says.

“Good.”

He takes my hand and threads our fingers together. His thumb brushes over my hand softly. “We’ve got this, okay?”

Chance walks up from behind Knox and stands shoulder to shoulder with him.

I nod a hello and look past them, seeing Dane. He won’t meet my eyes, but then he straightens and moves toward me, his gait jerky.

Knox sees him and tenses, a surprised look on his face. “Dane—”

He stops next to his brother, slides his hands into his pockets, and exhales. “Ava.”

I study his haggard features, the slouch in his shoulders. “Dane,” I say solemnly.

The air crackles around us, Knox breathing hard, his hand gripping mine.

“I’d never do anything to you. Ever. Even if I was trashed.” He holds my gaze.

I nod, feeling glad, so relieved he came up to me. “You’re a Shark and a big pain in the ass, but you’re a hero, like your twin, even if you may not see it sometimes. You let me hit you then carried me to the office and sat with me for hours,” I remind him. “I don’t buy anything Liam might say about you. It was him. His voice. Everything.”

I watch as the relief washes over him. His eyes water and he bites his bottom lip. “Ava, shit, I don’t deserve any kindness from you, but thank you for being you.”

Piper rushes up, sees them, and bursts through. “Oh my God,” she pants as if she’s been running. “It’s all over the local news! Liam, that bastard! I just passed Jolena in the hall and she’s wailing and even Camilla is crying and I don’t know why! It’s crazy.” She stops, pushing her glasses up, frowning at my flat face. I’m keeping it together—for now. “Wait, why don’t you look surprised? You already knew?”

“Yeah.” I nod.

Students mill around us, most of them staring, all of them whispering.

Same shit—well, maybe different shit, but still, it feels the same.

“Let’s go to class,” Knox says. “I won’t leave your side. They might call you out of class, I don’t know. Dad can be here in ten minutes. He’s got someone for you, a lawyer from Nashville. She’s high profile and deals with sexual assault cases—”

“I have to see Mr. Trask right now. Later?”

He frowns then nods. “Alright, let’s go—”

“No, I can do it.” I give his hand a squeeze and let it go. “I’ll be okay.”

I head to the office, and Knox is with me every step. “I’m just going to hang out while you talk to him,” he murmurs when we get to the entrance, and I tell him he should go on to class.

He looks at me, a determined look on his face. “Not leaving you.”

We walk inside the office. “I have an appointment to see the headmaster. I called earlier this morning,” I tell Mrs. Carmichael.

She looks up from the papers she’s shuffling. “Ava! Goodness, I saw the news. I’m so sorry, dear. Take a seat and I’ll buzz him.”

I nod and sit on the loveseat. Knox sits with me.

“You’re not going in there with me, you know,” I murmur.

He takes my hand again, and for a moment, I sigh and lean into him, just a little.

“Tulip, are you still angry with me? That I didn’t tell you?”

Angry? I was, definitely, but now…

How on earth can I be? Dane is his family.

“It’s hard to stay pissed at you,” I say. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Then why do I feel like something is still wrong?” he mutters.

I rest my head on his shoulder for a second. God, he smells like the ocean and the sun. I’m going to miss him. I’m going to cry for months. I’m going to weep and weep and weep—

“Ava?” Mr. Trask appears in his doorway, his face somber. “I’m ready.”

I stand and walk into his office.

“I’ll be waiting right here,” Knox says.

Twenty minutes later, I’ve laid everything out for the headmaster, that I know it was Liam who attacked me outside the gym, and of course, he already knows about the arrest. He quickly agrees to keep Tyler’s scholarship as long as I want, assuring me that the board members would be happy to. I’m not sure if he’s afraid I’ll sue the school since Liam’s been arrested, or perhaps he just actually cares. He agrees to refund Knox most of the money for my housing.

I accept it all and leave his office.

Knox stands up, searching my face. “Good?”

Relief feels immense after worrying about how Trask would react to me leaving. “Better than I thought, actually.”

He exhales. “Was it about Liam? He’ll be expelled, even if he gets off on bail, which I can’t imagine the judge allowing since his family is wealthy. Let’s go to class.”

We make our way down the silent hall, and everyone’s in first period by now. Mrs. White is probably talking about one of her iconic movies.

I stop at my locker and stare at it, thinking back to that first day and my letter from Knox. Sitting next to him in class. Him changing my tire. Playing my song on the piano. Prank night.

I work the combination, opening it and clearing out the items inside, placing them in my backpack. Photographs of me and Piper I taped up. Notebooks. Pencils. A highlighter.

Knox has grown stiff as he stands behind me, and now he moves closer, his hands on my shoulders, his chest against my back. I feel him dip his head into my hair. “Don’t do it, Tulip. Don’t leave me. Don’t—” His voice catches and he turns me around, his eyes gleaming. “Stay with me. I’m giving you my heart. I’m giving you everything.”

I whimper. “Knox, I can’t.”

“Why?” he says in a ragged voice, shoving his hands in my hair and palming my scalp.