Dear Ava(44)

“I wouldn’t know.”

He gives me a glance.

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” I say quietly. “I’m going to be awesome someday.”

Something dawns on his face. “Ah, so that’s it.” He lets out small laugh, but it doesn’t sound cheerful. “You have fire in you, Ava. He’s told me about how you grew up, your mom, your brother.” His gray eyes, so much like Knox’s, trace over my face. “It takes a phoenix to rise from the ashes. I guess he thinks you are one.” He doesn’t necessarily sound displeased about it, yet his voice is resigned.

“I see. Is there a reason you wanted to talk to me?” Let’s cut to the chase, buddy.

He grimaces. “Don’t be wary of me, please.”

“Mmmm.” I see why Knox loves to use noncommittal responses.

“Let me ask you something. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to just start over, without all the events of last year hanging over you, to meet new people, to move on?”

I stare at him, meeting his gaze directly.

“I did start over. I came back. Full circle.”

He nods. “I heard what that cheerleader said to you. Does that happen a lot?”

My lips tighten as my gaze lands on Jolena on the field. “Yes.”

He nods as if expecting the answer. “I mean this with all due respect, but Knox isn’t ready for you. He’s still got a whole football season to get through, plus Dane.”

Well. There it is.

I scowl at him, a retort on my lips—

“Just let me finish, please,” he continues, a pained but determined look on his face. “You’re young. He’s young. You have your whole lives ahead of you. College, careers. I didn’t meet my wife Vivie until I was twenty-three, and I knew right away she was everything. Have you ever considered how good it might be if you met Knox on a level playing field, when he isn’t swamped and you have a firm grasp on what you want to do with your life?”

“You misunderstand, Mr. Grayson. I do know what I want,” I reply. “I’m going to med school. I’m going to take care of my brother.”

“I’ve heard.” He sighs, hesitating before he speaks again. “Unfortunately, Dane doesn’t need to be around you right now—which is not your fault. It’s his.” He takes his hat off and rakes a hand through his hair. “And you’ll…you’ll see that later.”

See what later?

I push that aside for now. “I remind Dane of his mom.” It’s apparent every time he looks at me.

“Yes, there’s that, and Knox is torn between you and his brother.” He pauses, as if to let his words carry weight.

I frown, trying to understand what he’s not saying. My chest rises in agitation. “Is this a talk where you try to convince me to break up with Knox?”

Not that I’m sure we’re a couple yet…

A ghost of a smile flits over his face. “I’m not sure I could convince you of anything. You seem to hold yourself well. I just want my boys to be happy, and Knox isn’t happy.”

My heart picks up, his words pricking at me, reminding me of Knox from the past two days: quiet, unsure, exhausted.

“Just…think about a fresh start, a new beginning somewhere that doesn’t have someone writing on your locker or hitting you in the back of the head. Would you like that?”

I smile, but there’s no mirth in it. “What do you have in mind? You’ve obviously given this some thought.”

He closes his eyes. “Please, don’t be upset. I only say these things because I love him. Is that so terrible?”

From out of nowhere, a rush of emotion tugs at my throat and I blink rapidly. No, it doesn’t make him terrible at all. It’s heartbreakingly beautiful.

I just…never had a parent looking out for me.

“I know you’re very smart,” he continues. “Mr. Trask speaks highly of your academic abilities.”

“Yes.”

He takes a breath. “I’d like to propose that you leave Camden behind and find a new school.”

“Run away from all these elitist assholes? Pfft.”

He lets out another small laugh. “So much fire…”

I just sit there quietly, remaining still.

“I have connections at NYU, my alma mater,” he murmurs a few moments later. “I can get you in easily with your scores. I’d also be willing to help you financially.”

“I find New York very cold.” I stare straight ahead. My hands start to shake and I tuck them at my sides. Who the heck does he think he is? Paying me off to leave here?

“I also know about your brother. I imagine you might want to take him with you. I can help you, get him in at a school near the university—”

My chest heaves. “I don’t want your money or your scholarship.”

He smiles wanly. “Not surprised. Do you think you love Knox?”

Do I love him? Is the sky blue? Is the night dark? God, I’m so there with him, teetering on the edge of his world, wanting everything with him.

“You haven’t been with him for that long, Ava, and distance might tell you if you’re unsure. You’re complete opposites. You come from different worlds.”

“Hades and Persephone were happy.” There’s a hitch in my voice, because…because he is making good sense, and my only defense stems from Greek mythology. Pathetic. We’ve only been “together” since prank night, and while we do have a history from last year, we never acted on it because of Chance, then the kegger, and I…dammit, why am I doubting everything now?

Another wan smile from him. “Just let him breathe. Let yourself breathe. Come back when the timing is right.”

I shake my head. He sounds so damn reasonable—just like Knox did last night.

“I only want what’s best for what’s left of my family.” There’s a catch in his voice, and as much as I want to dislike him, I see the desperation on his face, the love for his kids…

I finally stand. “I think I’ll finish the game with my friends, Mr. Grayson.”

His eyes are damp. “I’m sorry if I said things that hurt you.”

“You’re just…taking care of your sons,” I say grudgingly.

He looks back out to the field, and I realize we’ve missed most of the second quarter.

I take the first step on the bleacher then he calls my name, follows me, and presses a card in my hand. “Here’s my cell. If you change your mind or just want to talk, call me.”

I flinch as a thought enters my head. Is Knox on board with this idea of me leaving Camden? I glance back out on the field and see he’s on the bench, watching us.

Walking away, I stick the card in my pocket and start to head toward Piper and Wyatt, but then I detour and head to the bottom of the bleachers, over to the gate where I can see the players.

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to just start over, without all the events of last year hanging over you, to meet new people, to move on?

No, Knox would never want that. Right?

Later, I’m next to the fence with Camilla, our eyes on the field as the minutes tick down on the clock. We’re three points behind and the home crowd cheers loudly.

Knox takes the field and lines up, his jersey covered in green and brown stains from being tackled on a couple of big runs, and he has a slight limp, but I smile at his focus.

“Hike!” comes from the field and he takes the snap then runs a quarterback sneak to the left side, straight into the end zone, putting us ahead.

Our entire sideline jumps up and down as the band plays our fight song over and over.

The other team gets the ball, but our defense stops them on three quick plays as everyone watches the clock tick to zero. Students, cheerleaders, and band members run onto the field. Nothing like beating your number one rival.

I stand still, knowing I wouldn’t feel comfortable out there, but my eyes search the crowd for Knox.

He emerges out of the throng, holding his helmet and looking up into the stands until he’s engulfed by people giving him hugs and smacks on the back. He shakes them off after a bit and steps away, scanning the stadium. For me, I think.

I wave and call his name, and his eyes find mine. He pushes his way over to me, ignoring the press of cheerleaders and students.

I walk down the edge of the field as he approaches. With his helmet off, his hair is wet with sweat, and he runs his hand through it. He has black face paint under his eyes, and combined with that scar, it’s intimidating and sexy as hell.

“Nice game, Cold and Evil.” My words are light.

He stretches a hand across the fence and weaves his fingers into mine. “I didn’t think you’d come. I’m glad you did.” He reaches across with his other hand and pulls the back of my head toward his. The kiss is salty and I can feel the heat radiating from his skin as his body tries to cool him down after his exertion on the field. Our mouths part and I lean my forehead against his.

“You kicked ass.”

He grins. “I saw you with my dad. What did he say?”

“Not much. I left him to get a closer look.”

“Did you like him?” I hear uncertainty in his voice, and relief flows through me. Knox can’t possibly know about the things his dad said to me, because he didn’t even know I’d come tonight.