Dane(52)

     



 

"I'm not following."

Janette took a steadying breath and started again. "It's Trauma  Transference Syndrome. You, without knowing it, tie her to that period  in her life. Being there for her before it happened, when it happened,  and after it happened has threaded you into the woven memories she has  of the attack. Whether they're conscious memories or not, you're there,  embedded in them. She will never be able to cut the ties of those demons  as long as you're present in her life."

I couldn't help but laugh, although it held no humor. "You're a publicist, Janette. Not a psychologist. How do you know this?"

With a small, gentle grin, she said, "Lots and lots of therapy. I told  you … I might understand you better than we thought." She paused and  blinked several times, as if staving off tears. "When I was a freshman  in high school, I attended a senior party. Without going into the  details, my drink was spiked and I was sexually assaulted while I lay  unconscious. Most young girls who suffer from any form of rape-be it  violent, date rape, or like me, having it happen with no recollection of  it-don't tell anyone. They feel ashamed and dirty. They start to blame  themselves, believing they'd done something to deserve it. It festers  into this debilitating disease called depression-PTSD. And just like the  men and women returning from war, there are triggers that set them off.  Now, I'm no professional, but from my experience, I'd be willing to bet  you're an active trigger for her."

"I … I don't know what to say. I would've never guessed you'd been through  something like that. You seem so healthy. Married with two kids. How  did you get through it?"

"Like I said-lots and lots of therapy. My parents helped me out a lot,  too. I didn't go to them right away. I didn't know who-or how many-had  violated me. Hell, I couldn't even remember who all was there. I didn't  know most of them, and I didn't think anyone would believe me. After  all, I couldn't remember anything. I had no proof it'd even happened. I  mean … I knew. I was a virgin, so I knew something had happened, but I  couldn't prove it. I only went to my parents after I found out I was  pregnant."

"Oh my God, Janette." I didn't know if I could listen to her tell me her  story, especially after having to hear Gabi tell me hers. The only  difference was Janette's at least offered me some clarity. A sliver of  understanding. But it didn't take away from the enormous crater in my  chest knowing something this vile had happened to two people in my life.

I'd made it a point right then to add this to the list of causes my company helped.

There needed to be more awareness, and I'd do everything I could to make that happen.

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me. I'm only  letting you know so you can better understand Gabi, and how you  inadvertently affect her. It's not intentional, but it happens. Anything  can tie a victim to an incident. For me, it was the town I lived in.  The school I attended. I had a hard time going to class, walking the  halls, seeing the faces of every male in attendance, and not questioning  if they were the one who violated me. Anytime someone passed a note, I  became anxious, assuming it was about me. I believed everyone in the  school knew what had happened, and they were all laughing about it  behind my back. But once I found out I was pregnant, and I told my  parents, they got me the help I needed. They even went as far as moving  to get me away from the town and the kids in school."

"And that helped? Moving away?"

"Yeah. The only thing I had tying me to that night was the baby. But  even that found a resolution. We spoke to an adoption agency, and by the  time I gave birth, it'd all been taken care of by the counselor. The  baby had been placed with a family and all I had to do was sign the  birth certificate. My mother and the counselor handled the rest. I still  don't know if I had a boy or a girl. At the time, it was the best  decision. I wouldn't have been able to handle the details. But now, more  than twenty years later, I find myself wondering about him or her from  time to time." She waved me off, ignoring the completely stunned  expression I was sure I wore-it matched the shock running through me.  "Anyway, all I meant to say was in order to break free from the ties  that bind you, you have to cut them all away. Choosing to leave the  relationship with Gabi might be for the best, no matter how difficult it  is to let such a big part of your life go."

The sound of heels clicking on the marble floors grew louder until it  reverberated in my head. Stoic and completely frozen with shock and  realization, I glanced over Janette's shoulder, seeking out the  intrusion. I found Eden sashaying toward us with that familiar easy  smile on her face.         

     



 

"Oh, good. You're back," she said as she stopped on her way out the  front doors. "I'm heading out for lunch, but I'll only be gone for an  hour. I left those proposals on your desk for you to look through. All  my notes are on the first page." Her words began to slow down, probably  noticing my lack of reaction. "Are you okay?"

I blinked, turned my head to look at Janette again, then I blinked some  more. My eyes continued to flash between the two women, taking notice of  things I'd never thought of before. Janette's eyes were brown, but when  I looked closer, the light danced off the emerald green specks. I  focused on Eden's mouth. The same shape, only painted a different color.

"Dane … is everything all right?" Eden sounded as if she were in a tunnel,  her words muffled and echoed slightly. When she touched my arm, it  seemed to break the spell enough for me to nod and mumble that I'd see  her in an hour. My words more than likely weren't understandable, but I  didn't care.

She slowly stepped away and exited through the glass doors, taking one  last glance at me over her shoulder. Still feeling as though I wasn't  attached to my body, my mind lost in a state of confused realization, I  met Janette's stare. However, she didn't seem as concerned with my lack  of attention.

"I'll let you get to work. It sounds like your assistant has things  waiting for you. Just know I'm here if you need me. To talk, to listen,  to offer advice or help you understand things from a different  perspective. Either way, I'm here, Dane." She smiled and squeezed my  forearm. When I didn't respond, she just nodded and walked toward her  office, leaving me dazed and confused in the lobby of my building.



I couldn't seem to concentrate to save my life. Eden had returned from  lunch, and I still hadn't finished going through the notes on the few  proposals she'd left for me on my desk. My mind was stuck in a dense  fog, wondering how I'd never put the two together.

Eden had originally applied for an underpaid, overworked public  relations receptionist-Janette's receptionist. When I'd asked her why  she'd waste her talents doing that, her response was a bold-faced lie.  Saying there were no other positions available. I knew then it was a  lie, but I never called her out on it. Then again, at the time, I wasn't  aware I had employed her birth mother, so it never would've crossed my  mind. But when Eden finally did open up to me and offer me that  information, I should've thought about it. Looking at the two women, I  could've seen the slight similarities. They weren't blinding by any  means. Subtle. Just beneath the surface. But enough of a hint to leave  me questioning a possible relation.

However, I never noticed.

Eden opened the door between our offices and softly knocked on the  wooden frame to catch my attention. When I glanced up from the file in  my hand-the same one I'd been blankly staring at for at least an hour-I  noticed slight apprehension in her expression.

"I was wondering if you needed anything. You seem to have been going  over my notes for a while now, and I didn't know if you needed me to  clarify something for you." It was obvious she wanted to ask me if I was  okay, just like she'd done the day I'd left Gabi. But with our strict  business-only relationship, I could tell she avoided the personal  question.

"Uh, no. I think I'm all right." Just as she made a move to turn, to  head back into her office where I knew she'd close the door and shut me  out, I called out, "Any progress with your birth mother?"

It was enough to make her still, slowly turning her head and lifting her eyes to meet mine. "Nothing new. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious."

"Well, I'm pretty sure that would fall under the umbrella of personal information. And since we've agreed-"

"I know, Eden." I cut her off, unwilling to hear her reminders yet again  of how we had to keep things professional. "I was just curious. And  considering she works here, I figured that would make it related to  business. But you're right. I overstepped. I apologize."

Rather than walking away, she stood with her hand around the door frame  and regarded me intently. Confusion lined her brow, but fear flickered  through her eyes. I could tell there was something on the tip of her  tongue, probably wondering if I'd figured it out, but before she could  utter a single word, there was a knock on my door and Janette invited  herself in.