Dane(55)

"I was always so scared that if you left me, I'd be all alone. Which I  pretty much will be, but I have also learned that being alone isn't bad.  I realize now that I have people I can confide in, and how much it  helps to talk. I've kept everything inside for so long that I hadn't  even thought about how freeing it would be to get it all out."         

     



 

"So what does this mean? What are you trying to say?" I needed clarification.

She touched my face and looked me right in the eyes. "I appreciate  everything you have ever done for me. None of it has gone unnoticed. You  are an amazing man, Dane, the epitome of kindness with a gigantic  heart. Without you, I don't know where I'd be. But like you said, no  matter how good or kind or sweet you are, you will always tie me to  everything I need to escape. You tie me to my mom, Todd, Sean, this  whole damn town. I've realized I need to get out and try things."

"Alone?" The thought worried me. She had never been alone before, and I  didn't know how she would handle it. I knew it didn't have anything to  do with me, but it didn't stop me from being concerned.

"No. The girl I told you about last week-my roommate-she'll go with me.  We've grown really close and she mentioned something to me last week. We  talked about it and then I talked to my doctor. He thinks it's a good  idea. I just need more counseling before we go ahead with our plans."

"Do what?"

"We've decided to talk to other victims about what we've gone through.  We want to help other young girls. Neither one of us had anyone we could  turn to that would've understood, and we've both felt like outsiders.  That no one could possibly relate to what we were going through, so we  internalized it. We don't want other girls to feel that way. So we're  teaming up with a group of women who go around and talk to  people-educate them."

"Just knock on doors and stuff like that?"

She smiled brightly and shook her head. "There will be some speaking  engagements at hospitals and rehab facilities like this one. One-on-one  meetings with victims. That sort of thing. But I'm not ready for all  that yet. I still need more therapy before any of that can happen. But I  know it's something I'm interested in for my future. I have a goal. I  want to help people … like you do."

"I'm really proud of you, Gabs." I couldn't hide the beaming grin and  the relief that filled me, knowing she was surviving. More than I ever  thought she would. This was the woman I knew she could be, and I was  beyond excited to see her growth and improvement.

"I've wondered a lot lately if you ever loved me the way I love you, but  I've started to figure out that my love for you isn't what I always  thought it was. I think I loved you because, in some way, you made me  feel safe. But I'm learning that I need to make myself feel safe. No one  can do that for me."

I didn't know what to say. I was happy to hear she'd learned to let me  go, and it made me feel better knowing I wasn't breaking her heart.  Although, I still had a hard time acknowledging her after that  confession. "So, where are you moving to?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"When?" I felt like a heartless asshole asking her that, as if I were  pushing her away, but that's not what it was. I only wanted to make sure  she was prepared when the time came.

"That's the thing. Not for another six to twelve months. I have a lot of  counseling to do and I still have a lot to learn about dealing with  victims. But it's what I want and I plan on doing it. I have to focus  first on getting myself better so I can help others. My friend is trying  to get her own place, but I don't have any money to help her out. I  don't want to have to rely solely on her, so I'm going to start trying  to find a job."

Just like that, everything fell into place, as if this was fate  unfolding. "I'm putting the condo up for sale. I just purchased a house,  and I'll be closing on it this week. I was waiting to find a place  first before selling our unit, but now that I have, the realtor is  getting it on the market. He doesn't think it'll take long at all to  sell. I've opened an account in your name, and I plan on putting half of  the money from the sale in there. Before you argue with me, you should  know it's already a done deal. I already have it set up, ready for you  when you're discharged. You don't need to have other things to worry  about, especially now that you've got a plan and a goal to strive for."

"Oh, Dane … I've already told you I can't accept that. You've taken care  of me for so long, and I can't let you keep doing it." A fat tear rolled  down her cheek.

"No … you said you couldn't accept the condo. And I understand why. It's a  reminder of us, and I'm just another reminder of the things you've had  to go through. Think of this money as a gift. My way of saying I'm proud  of you, and the start of becoming who you were always meant to be. You  know I can't leave you with nothing. You deserve way more than that. Way  more than I could ever provide."         

     



 

She leaned forward and fell into me with her arms wrapped tightly around  my neck. "Thank you so much, Dane. You have no idea how much I  appreciate this … and you."

I squeezed her to me and then let her go. "Just promise me you'll keep  working on yourself so you can travel around and help other women in  your shoes."

She glanced at her hand, wrapped in mine, before meeting my gaze again.  "This feels so final. I knew prior to seeing you this morning that this  would be the end, but this just makes it real. The house we've lived in  together will be gone, all the memories boxed up and moved out."  Heartache filled her words and clenched my chest.

"I know." I wiped away a tear from her cheek with the pad of my thumb.  "But that only means we aren't holding each other back anymore. We're  moving on to bigger and better things. Saying goodbye is never easy, but  sometimes it's for the best. Just think of it that way. You're made for  better things than the life you had with me." I was surprised by the  emotion clogging my throat and stinging the backs of my eyes.

She held onto me and cried silently into my shirt.

I never thought walking away from her would be so hard.





23





My emotions were all over the place on my way to the office. I needed  Eden, needed her to settle the storm raging inside. I no longer cared  about the senseless rules she'd set upon us. Personal issues or not, I'd  talk to her. Because she was the only one who could give me peace.

I didn't regret my decision to separate myself from Gabi. It was for the  best-for me and for her. Nor did I regret choosing to end the constant  financial support. I'd told her I'd make sure she was taken care of  after treatment, but I couldn't continue supporting her the way I'd been  doing. Once the condo sold, I'd deposit half the sale into the account I  opened for her. After that, my financial obligation to Gabi would be  done.

The entire drive from the clinic to my office was a blur. Parking and  making my way inside barely registered. I was on a mission. I needed  Eden, and I couldn't settle down until I found her. Gina greeted me, and  I offered her an easy grin and subtle wave. But other than that, I  couldn't offer her more, my tunnel vision refusing to fully acknowledge  anyone who wasn't a fiery redhead with the ability to soothe my soul.

I didn't even have the wherewithal to knock. I just turned the handle to  her office door and opened it. I'd only stepped one foot inside when  everything came to a screeching halt. Eden sat in her chair, pushed  enough away from the desk for me to see her legs crossed, the hem of her  skirt clinging tight mid-thigh. The smile she had on her face when I  opened the door immediately vanished, right about the time I noticed the  guy leaning against the edge of her desk, facing away from the door. He  peered over his shoulder, but other than that, made no move to get  up … or leave her office.

I'd seen him around the building before, but I didn't know who he was or  what department he worked in. I couldn't keep up with everyone I  employed unless I worked directly with them. While his expression  remained the same, Eden reacted as if she'd been caught with her hand in  the cookie jar.

"He's back," the kid said. "Now we can go to lunch."

My stomach rolled. I didn't even want to think about her having lunch with anyone else, let alone witness it.

Eden stood from her seat. Her movements were unhurried and cautious,  acting as if sudden movement would scare me off. Even her words were  slow when she quietly asked me, "Are you okay?" Her eyes never left  mine, worried and full of concern. Although, I ignored it and continued  to glare at her. It wouldn't have surprised me to know I wore a scowl,  considering my entire body coiled tight with pain and anger. "You seem  upset … is everything all right?"