Dane(45)

I pulled her body closer to mine until she slid off the cushion and into  my lap. With my arms around her waist, hers around my neck, I buried my  face into her hair. "That's not going to happen. I know you're scared,  but like I told you the other night … I'm not going anywhere. This is  where I want to be, and nothing will ever change that."

"You don't know that. You can't make those kinds of promises until you  see it out. Until Gabi gets better and you see her for the girl she used  to be. The girl you fell for when you were a teenager. The one you've  been waiting to come back to you. Until you see who she is, who you are,  on the other side of this, it's not fair to any of us to pursue this."

"So what does this mean?" I asked with my forehead against hers. "Do we  still talk? Do I still get to see you? How are we supposed to act around  each other? How am I supposed to be near you and not touch you, not  kiss you, not tell you how miserable I am without you?"

"I don't know. I don't have those answers. But I'm sure we'll figure it  out. I mean, I'm still technically your assistant, and before all this  started, we agreed we would act professional around one another. You're  my boss. I'm your employee. Remember? Maybe we can go back to that and  pretend this weekend never happened."

"No. Hell no. I'm not pretending anything. This weekend did happen, and I can't act like it didn't."

"Okay, fine. We don't pretend anything. But we keep it to ourselves. No  one at the office knows, so we're fine there. We just go about our days  like we've always done-except in a more professional manner. No more  personal information. Strictly business."

"What if I can't do that?"

She hesitated for a moment, and it gave me the chance to see the  destruction in her eyes. The haze of sorrow clouding her green irises  until they were so dark I couldn't discern their exact color. "Then I  either transfer to another department or I resign. I don't want to lose  my job-I love what I do-but if I have to leave, then I will. Please,  don't make me give up everything."

"I'm not making you give up anything. That's all you."

"I'm not saying we'll never be together. But I need to know beyond a  shadow of a doubt that you are where you want to be. I'd rather know it  took us a year longer to end up together and that it's right than rush  and be destroyed by it. If you can't do that while working with me, then  yes, you are making me give up everything. I'll only leave if you make  this harder than it has to be. I'm trying to compromise here. I'm trying  to find a way for us both to get what we want."

"And what is that, Eden? Huh? Because I'm not understanding how ending  this thing between us is what either of us wants. I'm begging you to  change your mind. You're threatening to not only walk away from this  relationship, but to also walk away from your job. Forever."

She cupped my cheeks and stared into my eyes. "I don't want to lose you.  I know this will be hard for us both. I know it'll take some adjustment  and rules and boundaries … but if it means I still get to have you in my  life in some respect, then I'm willing to take it. If it means on the  other side of this, I know you chose me, that we're happy, and you've  resolved your issues with Gabi, then I'm willing to deal with the  discomfort now. If you can't handle that, then I won't have any other  choice but to walk away."

"You know an easy solution? Just accept that I want you. The fact is I'm  not going anywhere and I'm not going to choose Gabi over you. If you'd  accept that, we can both have what we truly want-without the rules and  boundaries and broken hearts."         

     



 

"If I don't halt us where we are now, I'll end up resenting you. You've  already said that you plan on being there for her through this. You're  paying for her treatment, and you're going to make sure she has  everything she needs, even after she's out of the clinic. You're going  to ensure she continues with therapy and has a place to live. So while  you're at sessions with her or visiting her or taking care of her needs,  I'll be here wondering if this will be the time you don't return. And  each time you walk out that door to tend to her, I'll grow harder and  harder, toughening my shell and protecting my heart that much more to  keep you from destroying me. I'll give you less and less of me until  there's nothing to give. I'll always wonder if you're one foot out the  door with me and one step closer to her. And the more I resent you for  making her a priority, the more you'll resent me for keeping you from  being the selfless man you are at the core. Dane, you don't see it now,  but this won't work any other way. Do you know how hard it was for me  when you left on Friday and I didn't hear from you? I went to hell and  back imagining the different scenarios of what happened. I can't do that  again."

"But if you could simply allow yourself to trust me-"

"That's just it, Dane. I can't. I've been burned too many times. Trust  is something you earn. I can't give it to you because you don't want to  spend the time proving to me you deserve it. That's all I'm asking. I'm  not leaving. I'm only asking you to take a few steps back, deal with  everything on your plate uninhibited by a relationship, and guarantee  you're getting what you want in the end. If that's me, you'll have  proven it. If it's Gabi, then you can freely make that choice without  picking and causing undue heartache. I know you … and you'll stay because  you're too afraid to make a decision that will hurt one of us."

"So that's all you want? For me to earn your trust? To prove to you what  I've been saying all along is true?" A sliver of hope embedded into my  chest when she nodded. "And you'll continue to work for me, as my  assistant while I do this?"

"Yes. And if you decide to work things out with Gabi, I'll still be your assistant."

"Okay. If that's what you want. But let me go on record saying this  wasn't my choice." I lowered my lips to hers one last time, not knowing  when I'd get to kiss them again. I needed for her to see what I felt for  her was real, and I'd stop at nothing to prove it to her until she  could no longer deny it.



I rushed into work over an hour late. The hospital had transferred Gabi  to the rehab clinic first thing in the morning, and I needed to be there  to complete the paperwork and make the financial arrangements. Anything  to ensure she wouldn't back out of our agreement. I ended up not having  as much time to get ready for work as I normally did, and was forced to  finish getting dressed in the car. There was a good chance my tie  wasn't straight, but I didn't really care. Janette had asked for a  meeting to discuss the media coverage after my arrest and how we planned  to move forward, and I was sure she wouldn't be thrilled with my  tardiness.

Hell, I wasn't excited about it, but there wasn't much I could've done.

No matter how late I was, as soon as I saw Gina sitting behind her desk,  I knew there was an apology I needed to issue. I stopped in front of  her and leaned forward, hoping she could see the sincerity in my eyes.  "Gina … I snapped at you the other day, and I'm sorry. I was in a horrible  mood, but that's not an excuse. You didn't-nor do you ever-deserve to  be spoken to like that, and I hope you forgive me."

She smiled and patted my hand on the desk between us. "Mr. Kauffmann,  you don't need to apologize. I may not know what had happened, but I  knew something was going on. I know that's not who you are; it's not how  you treat people. So it's fine."

"No it's not. It's never okay for me to speak to anyone like that."

"Well, you're forgiven." She grinned and winked at me. "And thank you  for the roses. They are beautiful." She pointed to the large bouquet in a  glass vase on the table behind her. "You didn't need to do that."

"Call me Mr. Kauffmann one more time and I'll send you carnations next  time." I patted the desk and turned away, listening to her giggles  behind me as I headed back to my office.         

     



 

"You look like shit, Dane." Janette cornered me as I turned to head down  the hallway. "Did you miss sleeping in a real bed so much you  overslept?"

"Funny. Come on, let's have that meeting now."

"No need. When I got your message that you'd be late, I went ahead and  discussed everything with Eden. She can fill you in. I didn't have time  to wait. I have back-to-back meetings scheduled to clear up your  tarnished good-boy image. There are a couple companies scrambling to  find another investor so they can push up the buybacks. But don't worry,  it's nothing I can't fix. I've put out worse fires than these." And off  she went with a pat on my arm.

Confused, I hurried down the hall to Eden's office and knocked on the  door. I didn't give her a chance to invite me in before I opened the  door and found her at her desk. Her hair was down in loose waves and her  lips painted red, exactly the way I loved them. Damn, it was hard not  to grab her and taste her.