Dane(44)

"The hospital was on my way home. And I'm glad I did, because they were  just going to release her tomorrow as if she hadn't tried to kill  herself a few days ago. She needs help, and if I hadn't shown up and  gotten her into a treatment facility, they would've just let her go."

"You're not hearing a word I'm saying."

"I am. I understand you're upset." I grabbed her hands and held them in  her lap, forcing her to look at me. Desperate for her to hear what I  tried to convey. "I didn't mean to make you worry. I asked Janette to  call you and tell you what had happened. Apparently, she didn't do  that."

"When did you talk to Janette?"

I let my head hang while I fought against exhaustion and frustration. "I  called her after I was arrested. I needed a lawyer, and she's my  publicist. She needed to know what was going on in order to cull the  stories and rumors that would inadvertently start. I wasn't supposed to  get out until tomorrow morning because I had to wait for arraignment, so  she had to be informed in the event I missed work or that word got out  about my arrest. I told her to call you. The last thing I wanted was to  worry you."

"Back up. What were you arrested for?"

I settled into the couch and explained everything. I started with what  I'd learned from Marie, told her about Todd and what had happened at his  house, the cops that showed up and cuffed me, and then ended it with  why I was released early and how I didn't have any charges pending  against me. Through all this, Eden remained silent, listening stoically  as I gave her every detail of the last two days.

"So she hadn't made it up? She really was raped?" Her sympathy was  genuine, which only solidified what an amazing person she was. No matter  how she felt about the situation, she showed indisputable concern for  my ex. I didn't have much dating experience, but I knew that wasn't a  trait most women would be able to pull off.

I shook my head and let that sink in. "I can't help but feel like this  entire situation is my fault. She'd asked me to let her explain after  she told me the truth about Sean, but I wouldn't let her finish. Had I  just given her a minute, she wouldn't have tried to kill herself."

"You can't blame yourself, Dane. You didn't know there was so much more  to her story. I'm sure most people would've had the same reaction you  did. It's only natural when faced with betrayal. But I think it also  says a lot about where your mind's at. If you're feeling this bad about  it, maybe you should take some time to figure it all out."

I was stunned into silence, at a loss with how to respond. I didn't  understand what she meant. I thought I knew, but I didn't want to  believe it. "What are you saying, Eden? Take time to figure out what?"

"You left her because you thought she had lied about everything. Now you know she didn't."

"That's not entirely true. She did lie and sent an innocent man to  prison. A man who was wrongly condemned and then killed himself because  of it. But that doesn't explain what you mean by take some time."

Her shoulders drooped and her hands were limp in mine. Her eyes were dry  and she wore a brave face, but I could tell it was a facade. And I  could guess why, but I needed to hear her say it so I could clarify it  for her, once and for all.

"I don't think you know what you want." Her voice shook with emotion.

"You're wrong. I do know what I want. If this is your way of breaking  things off with me, trying to push me away, then stop. I wouldn't be  here right now if I didn't want to be with you."

"You can't say that. Because you were with Gabi when you didn't want to  be. You've told me that many times. From where I stand, you only left  her because she gave you a reason to. You came to me, realized you  wanted to be with me, because you were no longer tethered to her. But  all that was a lie. The out she gave you wasn't valid. You only thought  so because you didn't know the whole truth."

"That doesn't change anything. It doesn't mean I don't want to be with  you just because my reasons for leaving were a misunderstanding."         

     



 

Eden removed her hands from mine and scooted away from me on the couch,  adding distance between us. "You just admitted to me that you blame  yourself. You said had you listened to her in the first place, she  wouldn't have tried to kill herself. To me, that means you wouldn't have  left her, and had you not done that, you wouldn't have come to me."

Her words ate at me. I could see where she had gotten that from, but it  couldn't have been further from the truth. "That's not true-she still  lied, and while she may not have attempted suicide if I had stayed to  listen, it doesn't mean I wouldn't have still left. Did you not listen  to anything I said to you the other night? I meant every word, Eden. I  was with her for all the wrong reasons. I'm sorry it took you to open my  eyes to that, but it doesn't change anything. It shouldn't matter why  or how I left … all that should matter is that I did. I left her and came  to you, where I want to be."

"None of this matters," she said with her hand held up between us,  keeping me from arguing with her. "Gabi needs help. We both know that,  and hopefully, she realizes that, as well. I pray she can get it and  become a stronger person, capable of dealing with things in a healthier  manner. And while she's doing that, I think you should allow yourself to  process everything that's happened."

"This is absurd. You want to press pause on this thing between us  because I went to the hospital this morning before coming here?" I  couldn't fathom her reasons. They made no sense. And I wouldn't give in,  no matter what excuse she came up with.

"No. It's not only that-it's everything. Dane, everything changed when  you found out the truth. You were arrested for avenging her, playing the  hero to defend her honor. Don't get me wrong. He probably deserved  worse than a broken nose and a concussion. But that doesn't change what  you did. You have always tried to protect her, and you're still trying  to do that. It's obvious you need to tie up loose ends and deal with the  circumstances."

I stood and began to pace the room while she remained on the couch and  tracked my movement with her eyes. "You're wrong, Eden. I went after him  because of what he did to someone I lo-care about."

"You love her."

I dropped my head and released a frustrated growl. "Yes. And I always  will. You can't expect me to be with her for as long as I was, share  everything I did with her, and just stop loving her simply because my  heart isn't in it anymore."

"I never said I expected you to. All I'm saying is you do. Trust me, I  fully understand the feelings you have toward her and that you can't  turn them off like a light switch. I also don't expect you to know how  you truly feel about either of us days after walking out on that  relationship. Days after finding out horrific things about her you never  knew before."

"You act like I walked away from her and ran straight to you."

"Isn't that what you did?"

"No." I fell to the floor at her feet and held onto her hips. I would  beg if I had to. "I didn't run from her to you. I've had one foot out  the door for years now … except I didn't realize it until you walked into  my life. I thought how I felt with Gabi was normal because I didn't know  any different, that it's how everyone feels when they're in a long-term  relationship-especially one embedded with as much grief as Gabi and I  had to endure. You helped me see that I wasn't truly living. I've wanted  you from day one, Eden. Only I didn't know it. I refused to admit it to  myself because it made me feel like I was betraying Gabi."

"Well, if that's true, then you'll still want to be with me when she gets better."

I squeezed her hips, frustrated at her persistence over ending what we'd  only just started. "Why are you doing this? The truth, Eden. Tell me  why you're so adamant to push me away. This isn't about Gabi. You and I  both know it."

She straightened her spine and inhaled deeply, releasing it in a  painfully slow exhale. "It is about her. And you. And me. She's been  through enough already. Don't you think she deserves to have support  while dealing with this? If what you said is true, and she has held this  secret in for practically half her life, then that means she has a  steep uphill battle to conquer. And she shouldn't face that alone."

"Fine. I get that. I plan to be there for her if she needs me. I'm  paying for the facility she'll be transferred to tomorrow. I'm going to  make sure she has everything she needs-not only during treatment, but  also when she gets out. Therapy. A place to live. She doesn't have to do  it by herself. But why can't we be together in the meantime?"         

     



 

"People leave." It may have been a whisper, but it was enough to tear me  apart. "Everyone leaves, Dane. I told you … they don't stick around. And  it's only a matter of time before Gabi gets better, and then you'll  realize how much you've missed her-the healthy version of her. How much  you want her back. I've listened to you countless times talk about how  you stuck it out because you were waiting for her to come back to you.  You knew the girl you'd fallen in love with was still in there, and you  were waiting for her to find that light again. I can't sit around and  fall for you harder and deeper every day, knowing in a matter of time,  you'll choose her. And I never want you to stay with me out of  obligation the way you did her. You need to sort through all this, Dane.  Give yourself the freedom to breathe without a relationship hanging  around your neck. Make sure your decisions are the best ones for all  three of us-you, me, and Gabi."