Damaged and the Beas(57)

"I'm going to help you study and get your grades up."



       
         
       
        

"Coop, please … "

"Please, help you? Yes, I will."

Tears pricked at my eyes, and I glanced around. "I'm really failing."

"And I'm going to help you."

"So we can date again?"

Cooper's expression darkened. "What we did wasn't dating. What we did was fall in love, and I want you back. If you can't be with me until your grades are solid, we'll make them solid."

"I can't be with you."

"Farah," he whispered in a harsh tone that startled me. "You're not listening. I can see you're tired and stressed but listen. You're failing this class, but I'm not. You need my help. I want to help you because I love you and want you back, but those aren't the only reasons. I also know you deserve to do well. You worked too hard to get to this fucking school just to get distracted."

Cooper was right about a million things. Mostly that I was tired and stressed. I never slept well when away from him. I didn't eat well either. Cooper had provided too many missing needs from a lifetime without. Now I'd lost him because I failed.

"What grade did you get on the Spanish test?" I asked as he took my books into his arms.

"An A."

Staring at him, I couldn't believe he did so well when I did shit. He must have seen the horror in my eyes. Not only the shock but the disgust in myself for doing so poorly when my excuse for failing had done well.

"I'm older," he said, nudging me out the door and towards the quad. "I'm used to college. And in case you forgot, I don't have a job to go to after school. Every night, when I sit there with you serving me dinner, I'm studying. Now I'm going to get you caught up."

Cooper stopped at a picnic table and set down the books. "We'll study outside where it's nice. Later, I'll get Tuck to bring us food. We'll get all of your work done so you can start your shift feeling good."

"Thank you," I mumbled, taking his hand while fighting the urge to sob in front of everyone. "I'm really behind. Like I didn't know what we were doing today in class. I used to be good at keeping up, but I'm lost."

"So we'll start from the beginning of the semester and get you caught up."

Sighing, I wiped my wet eyes and stared at the laughing students nearby. When Cooper leaned in, I realized how much I missed the feel of his breath on my skin.

"It took me a month to push you off course, and it'll take more than a day to get you caught up. Soon, you'll be where you need to be, and you'll forgive me, and we'll be together." His voice sounded so desperate, and his gaze looked so dejected. Then he faked a smile. "I'm going to make sure once we're back together that you have time to study. I want you to be a teacher like you dreamed." 

"It's not your fault. You know that, right?" I said, feeling like I might drop from exhaustion. "I made bad choices."

"I'm not a bad choice," he muttered. "But I didn't make sure you were okay. I just wanted you to have fun, but I left you no time for school."

"It's really not your fault."

"It's not your fault either."

"How can it not be my fault?" I asked, frowning at him.

"It just can't. I say it's not, so it's not. You're too serious, and you dump too much blame on yourself. You didn't protect your sister. You don't work hard enough. You didn't do this or that. You aren't perfect, but you're perfect for me. I'm going to be perfect for you too, and I'll do that by being the best fucking tutor the world's ever seen."

Laughing, I looked at the books. "I can say and write hello and goodbye. That's it."

Cooper gave me a weird look for the slightest second, and I knew he was shocked by how little I had picked up over the last month.

"I understood everything in class," I explained. "Then later, it got all jumbled in my head."

Giving me a nod, Cooper sat down. I joined him on the bench, careful to avoid touching, yet wanting to be in his arms so badly. Cooper missed me too. It was written all over his face.

"We'll start at the beginning and get you caught up. It'll be fine."

This time when I nodded, I actually felt like I would improve my grades. Cooper kept his word about staying focused and, hell, if he wasn't a great tutor. He spoke softly, taking his time to go over his notes from the first week. By the time Tucker and Maddy arrived with burgers, I felt like I was getting some of the early stuff. The four of us ate dinner before Cooper worked with me for another half hour. Finally, he drove me home where he waited as I dressed for work.

"I'm going to drive you each night like before," he said as if it wasn't up for discussion even though his gaze was worried.

"I'd like that."

Cooper gave me a small smile and then we walked out to his bike. During my break, I sat with him, and he quizzed me on what we had worked on earlier.

This was our new relationship.

During the weekend, we studied at my apartment while Amy went with Tex to a casino. We talked and ate, but no fooling around. Cooper did more than help me with Spanish. He basically re-taught me everything I hadn't picked up the first time. By the end of the weekend, I thought he was the one who would be an amazing teacher.

Once the school week started, Cooper picked me up every morning. We hung out in Spanish class and studied afterward. We ate dinner while studying and then he drove me to work. Also on Monday, a still bruised Nick returned to school and acted like nothing ever happened. He was friendly, but not too friendly. While Cooper faked like he and Nick were buddies, I knew he would find it easier to pretend if we were back together. Feeling insecure, Cooper still stood a little too close to me whenever Nick was in the vicinity.

By Wednesday, I was feeling pretty confident. As we sat on the quad studying like usual, my arm touched Cooper's, and his gaze met mine. His eyes pleaded with me for a crumb of hope.

"I have a quiz in most of my classes on Friday. I think they want to see who used last week's wake-up call to study."

His arm still against mine, Cooper only nodded.

"I thought we could see a movie on Saturday. I could pay and everything." When Cooper reached for my face, I let him caress my cheek as I continued, "I was thinking I could spend the weekend with you too."



       
         
       
        

"But only if you do well on the quizzes, right?"

"No," I said, holding his gaze. "If I do badly on them, it's just me fucking up by not being smart enough. It's not like I haven't studied, or you haven't helped me. Whatever happens, I still want to spend the weekend with you."

When Cooper kissed my forehead, I scooted a little closer so my hip pressed against his.

"I need you, baby," he whispered. "I need you to let me back in."

"Waiting isn't about punishing you. It's about punishing me."

"You have to stop fucking doing that," he said, frowning at me. "Hasn't life punished you enough with your shit parents and growing up like you did? Why do you have to keep hurting yourself? If anyone should be on your side, it should be you."

"I guess, but I'm afraid to slack off. After all, look at what happened."

"You didn't slack off. You studied, but you needed more help than you thought. It's your first fucking month at school. You think I aced everything on my first tests?"

"Yes."

Smiling slightly, Cooper rolled his eyes. "Yes, but I'm perfect."

I rubbed my cheek against his shoulder. "Soon, Coop. You just have to wait a little longer. I promise."

Cooper didn't perk up completely, but his mood did improve. Mine did too. No matter what happened on the quizzes, I knew I worked hard. While I might still be struggling, I wasn't slacking off. This counted for something. Besides, failed quizzes or not, I was spending the weekend with Cooper.

On Thursday, I called Tawny who answered in a whisper.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

Tawny said nothing and I asked again.

"I'm scared," she whimpered. "There are these weirdoes at the motel and one of them saw me at the window. I thought Dad might be back, but he wasn't, and the weirdo winked at me. Now I have the dresser against the door, and I'm afraid to leave."

"Tawny," I babbled, freaking out at how she was too far away and I didn't know how to help her. "I have to get you here."

"I can't live with Mom. I can't pretend."

"Fuck her. She's just like you said. I was lying to myself remembering those few good times. I wanted her to be a real mom, but she doesn't care. She has some stupid smelly boyfriend, and she's drinking again. Fuck her and this apartment. I'm using my nest egg to bring you here and get us a new place."

"What about college?"

"I'll still have enough to get through the year and next year probably," I said, thinking of how I might fail and have to redo classes. "I'll work extra shifts during holidays and the summer. I just want you out of that place." 

"I don't know where exactly I am or how to get to a bus station. I'm stuck here, and there's like one convenience store and then nothing. The only chance I have to get away is hitchhiking. What if someone bad picks me up?" she whispered, her voice breaking.