Damaged and the Beas(44)

"Hell, Farah, I feel like I can't breathe since yesterday."

"I love you, but … "

"No, buts."

"Yes, buts. You scare me. You nearly punched me in the face."

"I was never going to hit you."

Eyeing Cooper, I refused to turn to mush just because I missed him so much. "How was punching a hole in the wall next to my face a good thing? You wanted to scare me."

"I was angry. I want you so much, and you hate being with me. You hate when I touch you, and it was making me nuts, but hitting the wall was a mistake. I do that shit with Bailey, and she laughs it off because she knows I'd never hit her. I thought you knew that too. I mean, I was pissed because you were forcing yourself to do things with me that you didn't want to do. I was angry because I wasn't a better man for you, so why would I turn around and hit you?"

"I don't know you, and you don't know me. You shouldn't assume I'll take things the way you mean them. I have no experience with having a boyfriend," I said and then added quietly, "I'd never even been on a date before you."

Cooper rubbed at his head and sighed. "You love me, though, right? I need you to love me because I'm drowning in how much I love you."

"It's too fast. We just met, and I just moved here. It's a lot to deal with, and I feel cornered."

Cooper's expression darkened. "Damn, is there anything I'm doing right?"

"I said I liked your haircut."

Fighting a grin, Cooper leaned back in the booth and flipped me off. "I got drunk and shaved it off as a form of protest."

"Against what?"

"My fucking heart."

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah, probably."

"If we could be more casual, I think I could learn to be with you and not feel so cornered. Like maybe it's not only you that's to blame for our fights," I said and then watched him raise a cocky eyebrow. "Well, it's mostly you, but I'll take like ten percent of the blame."

"Twenty-five percent and we have a deal."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself, but if we spend time together, we'd need to keep it more casual."

"I have no idea what you're fucking saying. Spend time together? Does that mean you'll give me another chance, and we're together? And what is more casual? That usually involves fucking other people. I'm not fucking anyone else, and I certainly don't want you fucking anyone else."

Squinting at him, I had to wonder if all of the booze had made him stupid. "After all the trouble I have being with you, do you really think I'd want another dick around me?"

Cooper grinned. "Is it wrong that my dick responded when you called its name?"

"Very wrong, perv," I said, laughing. "So do we have a deal?"

"No, because I don't know what you're asking for?"

"We date and have fun and don't make it mean anything more."

"I love you, and I'm not pretending otherwise. Screw casual."

"You're too intense."

"You need someone to take care of you."

"I need my freedom and to find my own way."

"Nope."

Leaning back, I drank my soda. Cooper studied a fry and then reached out and pushed it against my lips.



       
         
       
        

"Someone's hungry."

"Fuck off," I nearly yelled and then covered my mouth while Cooper laughed his ass off.

"Someone's going to get fired and need her rich boyfriend to pay for shit."

"I didn't say we were back together."

"You said you loved and missed me. Close enough."

"I did miss you," I muttered, ignoring the fry still caressing my lips. "I'm not eating that."

"Need a ride home?"

"Maybe."

"Yes, it is. Now open up for the fry."

Staring at him, I managed to launch Cooper into a staring match. "I'm going back to work."

"Your break isn't over," he said, finally shoving the fry into his mouth. "You look tired. Did you sleep okay last night?"

"Yes."

"Want me to sleep over and give you a foot massage?"

Rolling my eyes, I couldn't fight my smile. "We'll see."

"Yes, it is. Man, you're very agreeable tonight."

Cooper looked full of life, just floating on a cloud as he devoured his burger with one hand and tapped to the overhead music with the other. I reached for the free hand and caressed his bruised knuckles.

"Get in any fights?"

Frowning, Cooper stopped mid-chew and sighed. Once he swallowed, he looked down at where my hand still held his.

"No one you know."

"Your hands scare me," I said, running my thin fingers over his strong ones. "When they touch me, though, they seem so gentle. I guess that makes you complicated." Lifting my gaze away from his hand and meeting his intense stare, I sighed. "What?"

Cooper wanted to say something that I suspected wasn't light and casual. He finally shrugged. "The fair is this weekend. Go with me."

"I can't. I'm picking up extra shifts on the weekend."

Cooper frowned as he took my hand into his. "You need to work less, not more."

"I need the money for new clothes. Someone said I look like trailer trash. Maybe they were full of shit, but I feel insecure now and want to buy new clothes."

"Who said that?" he asked in a low, hard voice.

"It was a girl so you can't hit her."

"What girl? I'll send Bailey after her." When I smiled softly at him, he rolled his eyes. "I'll push her into the pool for you."

"No, it's fine," I said, choosing not to mention the lump. "She was protecting you, but I want to make sure I look like everyone else."

"You look gorgeous just being you." 

"I'm not like you, Coop. I don't want to be different. Average is my goal."

"You aren't average. You're special because you're the only girl who's ever made my heart hurt. You're mine, and I'll buy you new clothes, so you don't have to work this weekend." When I started to protest, he shushed me. "If you don't want to shop with me, I'll give you cash, and you can go with Skye."

"I don't want you for your money. I'm not using you."

"I know," he said, giving me a nod, "but I don't care if you use me. I want you so much I don't care why you want me."

"That's crap," I whispered. "You care. As much as your money seems like an easy way out for me, I won't use you. Not only because you matter to me, and I want you to know my feelings are real. I also want to survive as a grown up on my own."

"A grown up?"

"Don't make fun. I have dreams, and they involve hard work."

"Work hard during the week and then blow off the weekends. The fair is awesome, and my family will be there, and I want you to go. I want to share that with you because you work hard here and at school, and you look tired. You look like you need to relax. Working all weekend while everyone else plays isn't relaxing."

"I already told Arnie I'd work so the other girls could have time off."

"I'll talk to him."

Sighing, I scooted down in the booth and pulled away my hand. "You can't control everything. It's like you're a finished product and I'm a brand new idea. You're making all the decisions about who I can be and what I can do, but I can't make any decisions about who you are."

"Well, for one thing, I'm not eighteen. For another, you have control over how I feel and that's still power. Finally, maybe you grew up with a boot on the back of your neck, so you need all of this independence to feel like you've accomplished shit, but you need to get over that. I take care of the people I love. My money can make your life easier, and that makes my life easier. I'm not molding you, and I don't think you need molding anyway. The only difference between us is that I know I'm a finished product, and you think you still need to change. You don't and working this weekend so you can buy new clothes you don't need won't make you better. It won't make you stronger or smarter. It'll wear you down and give you a false sense of accomplishment. In the long run, your grades will suffer, and you'll hate your job and school and, God forbid, me."

"I've dreamed of this life for a long time, and I want it to be like my dream."

"Dream bigger, baby."

"You mean to dream of you."

"A dream with me in it, yes, but I know you want to be a teacher. I see on your face what that means to you. I'm not saying give up everything for me and be my bitch. I'm saying live your dream along with being my bitch."

"Fuck you," I hissed, grinning.

Cooper shared my smile. "I have to protect you. I have to feel like I'm doing right by you because my heart hurts when you aren't happy. The last day sucked worse than any time in my life. I just couldn't give two shits about anything because I'd lost you."

"I don't know. I still feel like I should work this weekend."

Cooper sighed for nearly a minute and then shook his head. "Healthy relationships are about compromise. Don't work this weekend and go to the fair with me and I'll buy you new clothes. See, compromise?"