Damaged and the Beas(40)

"You'd make a great therapist."

"Why would anyone listen to me?"

"Because you make things sound good. That's your talent. You make a person see things they don't see on their own."

Tawny said nothing and I felt her pulling away a little. "I can't go back to high school. I hate the classes."

"I'm not asking you to go to school. I'm just saying you're good with people. You can be good with them without going to school."

"Oh."

"I'm going to get you here, Tawny."

"What about Cooper? What if he wants to keep you around?"

"So?"

"So he might not want me around. Like we were going to get a place, but what if he really likes you and wants to keep you and you can't get a place with me?"

Tawny was crying. I couldn't hear it, but I knew her voice, and she was scared.

"He loves me," I said softly. "He wants me to be happy, and he knows you're my best friend. He knows I miss you, and he wouldn't take you away from me. He even asks about you. Cooper won't stop me from bringing you here."

"He said he loved you?"

"Yes, and I love him too."

"I know. I could tell when you kept trying to talk yourself out of dating him. Why else would you want to stop seeing a hot, rich guy unless you were worried you felt more for him than he did for you? Yeah, I knew you were in love."

Laughing, I wished I could give her a hug through the phone. "See, you're smart. School just isn't for everyone."

"Yeah, I'll find a job when I get there, and I'll help pay for stuff. I'll pull my weight."

"Even if you don't, I want you here. I miss you."

"I miss you too," Tawny said and then sighed. "I'm sorry you cried."

Swallowing hard, I forced out the words. "I felt a little like I was back there."

"It's the tattoos. You said he has them, and that's why. You'll get used to those tats, and you won't feel that way. Like I said, you need practice."

"It's been a great day, and I can't wait until you meet him."

"I won't embarrass you," Tawny said full of sincerity. "I won't ruin things for you when I get there."

At that moment, I saw Tawny and me the way others did. How we were always the dirty outsiders, who didn't belong. I had forgotten some of that living in Ellsberg. While I felt like I belonged, Tawny was in a motel, feeling like trash. I wept at the thought of her seeing herself that way.

Tawny and I didn't really say anything for the rest of the call. We just cried and tried to think about the future, but instead wallowed in our past. We needed to get away from all of the ugliness and be new people. I was trying so hard, but she was still stuck in the crap life our parents built for us.

After I hung up, I washed my face and then went looking for Cooper. I found him outside on the deck, grilling the steaks. He looked a little ominous in only jeans. His size and those tattoos still scared me, but then he glanced in my direction and smiled. Suddenly, he wasn't the scary guy from the first day of school. He was my Coop, who gave foot massages and kissed like he had nowhere important to go. He loved me. I just had to hold onto this fact, so I didn't ruin things.



       
         
       
        

"Is everything okay?" he asked, frowning now.

Nodding, I knew my face was red from crying. "She's alone in a highway shithole, and I wish she were here."

"I could bring her here."

My heart soared, but I didn't agree. My mind recalled how suddenly Cooper had fallen for me and imagined how suddenly he could lose interest. If I started hoping for Cooper to save Tawny and me, I'd stop working to save us. Then when he dumped me, it would hurt more.

"You think about it," Cooper finally said, studying my face. "Want to help me grill?"

"Isn't that man work?" I asked, eyeing him through my narrowed eyes. "Fire is a guy thing, right?"

"I'm a caveman who likes a strong cavewoman."

Cooper handed me the giant grill fork and had me turn over the steaks. While I worked, he stood behind me and kissed my neck.

"I can't think when you do that," I moaned.

"I can't think period when you're around."

"How are you going to be the perfect one if I'm around all the time?"

Cooper stopped kissing my neck, and I think he finally figured out what my earlier thought process had been. He stood very still for a few beats and then kissed my neck again.

"I'm just perfect enough to wing it."

Cooper sucked hard at my throat, and I melted against him. "I don't want to cook. You do it and also do that. I just want to worship those lips."

Cooper laughed against my throat and then returned to sucking at my skin. Somehow, he also flipped over the potatoes while never leaving my body unloved.

Dinner consisted of eating way too much, followed by swimming until I thought I'd puke, and finally, we fooled around in the deep end of the pool. I didn't know if Cooper was showing off by having me hold onto him while he gripped the sides and did all of the hip work, but I was impressed. Wrapping myself around him, I tried not to ruin the moment.

Cooper's parents and sisters remained in town overnight at a hotel with Skye's family. To celebrate having the house to ourselves, we had sex a lot. Cooper swore no one would know. I swore they could tell. Cooper swore if they noticed anything that they wouldn't care. I swore they would be horrified to know we befouled their family room, living room, music room, and gym. Cooper acted offended by my referring to our lovemaking as befouling things. I acted shocked at him referring to our fucking as lovemaking. He then shut me up with a kiss that led to more sex. Cooper won the argument, and the house was thoroughly marked.

Eventually, we stumbled up the stairs to his apartment for a roll around his bed. The whole last effort involved me giggling because he was half asleep and still trying to score. Cooper refused to relent until he nearly dozed off inside me. 

"I'm officially done," he muttered, falling asleep as I cuddled next to him.

After my nap, I was certain I wouldn't sleep even when I checked the clock and found it after one. Lying in the dark with my head resting on his chest, I listened to his heartbeat and was out within minutes.

Dissolving into sleep while wrapped safely in Cooper's arms, I awoke in a dream that was less fantasy and more memory. Tawny was crying nearby, and I heard her murmuring my name as if waiting for me to save her. I stretched out my hand to her, but she was in the next room. Saying her name, I felt a hand cover my mouth.

"If you miss your sister so much, we can go watch," Travis whispered with humor to his voice.

Awaking with a cry, I scrambled away from the warm body in the dark room. The man moved towards me, and I screamed again. Throwing out my hands, I wasn't awake enough to fight him off, but I hoped to keep him away.

"It's me, baby," Cooper soothed, but I wasn't with him really.

"Leave me alone," I whimpered. "Don't touch me."

Cooper turned on a lamp and my wet eyes adjusted slowly to the dull light.

"Hell, you're shaking," Cooper said, attempting to comfort me, but his touch sent me halfway off the bed.

"I need to leave. I need to go home. It's not safe here."

"It's safer here than anywhere in town," Cooper muttered, sounding angry. Then when he spoke again, his voice was softer. "You just had a bad dream."

My hand touched between my legs, and I knew it wasn't a dream. Somehow, it felt too real now as if it happened last night and not five years earlier.

"I need to leave."

Cooper stared at me in the dimly lit room, and I saw the pain in his eyes. "I'm not driving you home in the middle of the night."

"I don't want you to touch me."

Cooper's lips twitched, and he blinked a few times. His gaze moved around the room as if he was thinking. When his focus returned to me, Cooper nodded.

"Here," he said, taking a pillow and laying it in the middle of the bed. "I'll stay on my side, and you'll stay on your side. I won't touch you, but I'm not driving you home. You're scared, and there's no way you'll feel better alone in that apartment with your mom."

The thought of seeing my mother after the dream sent a chill up my spine. I just wanted to be safe and feel the way I had the day before.

"If that's not enough," Cooper continued, "I'll sleep in the living room."

I glanced towards the door leading to the rest of the apartment. While I couldn't deal with Cooper touching me, I didn't want him out of the room either.

"I like the pillow idea," I whispered in a squeaky voice. Swallowing hard, I tried to find moisture, but my fear sucked me dry.

Cooper left the bed, walked to the bathroom, and returned with a coffee cup full of water. I drank it and then gave him the best smile I could manage.

"I'm sorry."

Taking the cup, Cooper just shook his head. "Everyone has bad dreams."

Nodding, I watched him set the cup on the table behind him and then he rested on his side with the pillow separating us. After a few minutes of looking around as if someone might be waiting to jump out, I rested on my side and stared at Cooper.

"Do you want to leave the light on?" he asked.

"For a little while please."

His gaze unreadable in the murky light, Cooper nodded. We stared at each other for a while, and I worried he was angry. What if he drove me home in the morning, and then pretended I didn't exist? I knew he could do that, and I would have no choice besides accepting he was done with me.