Damaged and the Beas(37)

Holding onto his shoulders, I lifted and fell at his direction until Cooper was on the brink. His one hand curled around my neck and pulled me down to kiss him. His other took my left hip and guided me. Soon both hands were on my hips as he helped me bring him closer and closer. Finally, he groaned in this wonderful way that made me feel like I accomplished something great. It was stupid, but I felt proud to see him come apart because of me.

As Cooper wrapped me in his arms, I felt completely safe. Even though I smiled at him, he stared at me with a hurt expression. "Why are you crying?"

Wiping my eyes, I hadn't even realized. "I don't know."

"Did I hurt you?"

I shook my head. "It was so good."

"You didn't come."

"It was still really good."



       
         
       
        

Cooper wiped my cheeks. "I really thought you were ready to come. I'm usually good at reading girls, but you started crying instead."

"I'm just weird. Broken or something. It's not personal."

I looked down into the water where we were still together. Cooper lifted me gently off him and then pulled me closer onto his lap.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I can get better."

"Stop saying that," he whispered back at me.

"I don't want you to dump me."

Cooper shook his head. "Those days out of town were fucked up. I missed you way too much to be normal, and I knew then. I just knew you really were my girl. It wasn't some crush on a hot chick who teased me. You were the one, and I loved you. That's the fucked up part. I love you, and you're mine, and I can't get you to feel good. Hell, forget feeling good. I can't even keep you from crying while I feel good."

"It's not you."

"I'm not helping matters."

"By complaining?" I asked, looking up at him. "No, you're really not helping."

Cooper grinned. "You're such a little bitch."

"And you're a raging asshole."

"I love you, Farah. I'm not messing around when I say that. I'm not someone who spouts off about feelings and shit. I don't lie to keep girls. I lie to get rid of them, but I plan to keep you."

Studying his handsome face, I leaned my head against his strong shoulder. "When I said I was all jumbled up about my feelings, that wasn't true. I knew I loved you when you were gone because I felt like nothing mattered until you came back. It was so dumb to feel that way. I have school and my dreams and Tawny. I have good stuff to care about, but I still felt like I needed you to make those good things mean something."

"Say it straight and simple."

"I love you."

"Say you're my girl."

"I'm your girl."

"And you know I love you, right?" When I only nodded, Cooper frowned. "I need to make you feel good, baby. It's not an ego thing. It's who I am. I take care of the people important to me. I protect my friends. I help out my family. It's what I do to feel like my life has meaning. I need to make you happy, but instead I make you cry."

"It's not you," I whispered.

"You really weren't with anyone else before? No one who counted?"

Shaking my head, I cuddled closer, afraid to have him ask a question I couldn't answer.

"So you don't know if this is just how you are or if it's me making you cry?" 

"I know it's me because I was happy and didn't even realize I was crying."

Cooper wrapped me tighter against him, and we rested this way as the water bubbled around us. The day wasn't as hot as some of the recent ones, but my skin felt baked after a few minutes of silence.

"Tell me what to do," Cooper said, caressing my hair.

"What do you mean?"

"I need to make you happy, but having my girl buck naked on my lap is tricky. Tell me what to do."

Sliding my hand into the water, I caressed him. "I didn't cry because it hurt. I didn't cry because I didn't want you. I just think I'm overwhelmed by how intense everything is. I've never been close to someone the way I am with you, and it makes me a little crazy. That doesn't mean I don't want you to want me like this."

Cooper lowered his lips to mine and kissed me softly. Even after it deepened, he moved slowly, taking his time until the kiss alone had my nipples hard and my skin on fire.

"Are you sure?" he whispered, lifting me off his lap and turning me away gently.

"Yes," I said, unsure what he was doing.

Cooper guided my hands to the edge of the hot tub and then he maneuvered my knees on the seat. Glancing back at him, I smiled even though I was nervous. Cooper touched my cheek, holding my gaze as he searched for something.

"Tell me."

"I love you."

"You want this."

"I want you."

"That's not the same thing."

"Help me get comfortable," I whispered, hoping he would relax because he was making me tense.

Cooper kissed me softly and then slipped my hair from my throat. As he moved behind me, his lips sucked at my neck, and I tilted my head to give him better access. His right hand teased my breast while his free hand moved between my legs. I jerked slightly when a finger slid over my clit.

"I want you to feel good," he whispered in my ear and then sucked at the lobe.

"I do," I moaned as the head of his cock opened me. "I really do."

Cooper teased me just right while he worked himself in and out. Much like his best kisses, his rhythm was achingly slow. I knew he wanted me to come. I wanted to come too, but I didn't know how to make it happen. I just held onto the side of the hot tub and stared out at the amazing view.

The pleasure built inside me as I got the hang of moving with him. His fingers were gentle, teasing more than pushing me. Cooper was trying something different, and I thought it would work. I wanted it to work so badly.

Instead, I started crying as I felt the orgasm building. A wall shot up, and the pleasure wasn't real anymore. Even trying to hide my tears, I knew Cooper wasn't stupid. Hearing the difference in my breathing, he sagged against my back.

"I love you," I whispered, hoping he wouldn't be upset.

"I can't get enough of you saying that."

Glancing over my shoulder at him, I smiled. Cooper smiled back, but his dark eyes remained conflicted. Sex was fun for him. He wanted to let go and enjoyed every stroke and thrust. He loved me though and refused to be selfish when I couldn't enjoy it the way he did. I decided to answer the question in his eyes.

Pressing back against him, I met his hips and Cooper groaned. "Show me," I said, glancing at him again.

"Maybe if we go slow enough … "

"It won't help. I don't know why, but I can't get back to that moment."

"Was I … "

"You weren't anything except the hottest fucker I've ever seen."




       
         
       
        
Cooper gave me a cocky grin. "Hell yeah."

"Please, don't stop," I said, caressing his arms wrapped around me. "It can't be healthy to stop in the middle like that. Or at the end or whenever you stopped."

Cooper laughed. "You have the hottest sex talk ever."

"Oh, yeah," I moaned dramatically. "Oh, hell yeah."

Kissing my shoulder, Cooper moved slowly, building the momentum he lost when I started crying. He seemed a little tentative, so I kept saying, "hell yeah" like it felt wonderful. At that point, though, my body had shut down and wasn't feeling much of anything.

Emotionally, I felt safe in Cooper's arms. Pushing himself closer, he was gentle, maybe hoping I might come along with him. As soon as he finished, Cooper turned me to look at him. Sliding his fingers into my hair, he searched my face for something.

"Spend the night with me," he whispered, still studying my expression.

I said nothing as my mind ran through a million reasons to say no.

"You want to. I can see that on your face. Why aren't you saying yes?"

"I don't have anything for an overnight stay."

Cooper blew his breath up, tossing his bangs out of his eyes. "Dork."

"Hey, I need stuff. I'm a girl, and we're high maintenance."

"Whatever you need, I have here."

"Okay then."

"You sound excited," he said, sitting back against the side of the hot tub and stretching out his arms along the edge. "Thrilled."

Wanting to cross my arms over my chest, I felt like an idiot standing naked before him. Cooper watched me with a hurt expression and then another emotion lit up his eyes.

"Fuck, Farah," he muttered. "Don't look at me like that."

He lifted an arm and gestured for me to sit with him. I did immediately, feeling relieved as if I was lost without his approval. I hated the feeling, but it wasn't something I had power over anymore.

"I was with this girl once," he said softly as his arm wrapped around me and we slid a little farther into the water. "She was nervous and maybe a virgin. Anyway, she was so tense the first time that she didn't come. Didn't seem to do anything except stare at me. It was weird, but then she got drunk, and we did it again. The second time, she loved it because she was relaxed. Do you know why I'm telling you about a chick I fucked years ago?"