Count On Me(47)

I’m still a weak, waste of space.

It’s not only the fact that he called me weird that’s bothering me. It’s what he says before I have to bolt that cuts even deeper. With everything I’ve been realizing about the way I react to him, I wanted him to say something more than he did. It’s stupid of course, but I like him and it’s the first time I can remember really liking anyone, so I just wanted it to mean something to him.

That’s my fault though. He kissed me and I just went back to the way things always are with us. I didn’t bother trying to tell him how much it means to me. How much he means to me. If I could just open my mouth and speak to him like every other girl in the school maybe none of this would be happening now.

I wouldn’t have run from him.

Kayden has no idea, but I really liked him when we were younger. I don’t mean that I liked him in the boyfriend way, but he was my best friend. I loved it when he would come to visit, even after his mom took off. He would still come over and play with me despite knowing how different I am. I always wondered if he would still visit if his mom didn’t make him and he’d proven himself. At least he had until he turned ten and everything changed.

He stopped coming around and even went out of his way to avoid me altogether. It was like our time together as kids completely vanished and he didn’t even know me anymore. He broke my heart when he did that, but he has no idea because I’ve never told anyone. The same thing happened again when he said I was his friend, even though that’s exactly what I’ve wanted so badly for years.

Kayden, as my best friend.

Now it seems I want more though, so I’m sitting in the bathroom stall again. The only thing missing is the girls, cigarettes and a whole lot of yelling.

I want to cry and I can’t. It’s like all the tears I’ve spent the last ten years letting spill have finally dried up and there’s nothing left. I’m not sure if I’m happy about that or not. All I know is, I’m more alone then I’ve ever been and all I want is to cry it out until it’s gone.

The door opens and I tense. He was right earlier when he said that Amy and the others were back and the last thing I need is to run into them. Until now, Kayden has done a great job keeping me protected, but I ruined that when I walked away from him. He didn’t follow me which means that anything that happens now, I’m on my own for.

Bringing my feet up off the floor, I pull them into me and I hold my breath, praying that it’s not the mean girls on the other side of the stall. I’ll wait them out and hopefully they’ll think no one is here and leave when they’re done. I want it that way so badly because I don’t think I’m completely over what happened two weeks ago, though I’ve tried my best to act like I am.

“Isabelle?”

It’s not the girls, but it’s not much better. I know that voice. He’s the reason I’m like this at all. Well, part of it. Doesn’t he know I just want to be left alone? Hasn’t he done enough already?

“I know you’re in there. I saw you run in a few minutes ago and I waited for you to come out.”

Searching my pockets for my phone, I sigh when I can’t find it. I know I took it with me when I left Kayden, so where is it? He might not like me much right now, but I know he would come if I needed him. He’s proven that to me over the last two weeks.

“Isabelle, I’m not gonna hurt you. I just want to talk.”

Dillon Murphy. From what Kayden told me he’s the one that got Amy and the others to come after me that day. He wasn’t happy with everything he said to me, so he sent the girls to finish me off. That’s another thing that Kayden doesn’t know about. Exactly what Dillon said to me. He doesn’t even know he talked to me at all.

His tone of voice though, it’s the same as it was Friday before Kayden came to my rescue. As much as I don’t want to open the door, prepared to stay in here forever if I have to, I know that I’m going to do it because until I get it over with, this is just going to keep happening.

It’s only when I take a few tentative steps out that I see him leaning up against the wall. I expected him to be smiling, acting like his normal self, but he’s anything but. He looks sad, which only makes the struggle I had even opening the door to come out even worse.

“I saw you in Science the other day, you were writing to your lab partner with a pad. I hope it’s okay that I brought this.”

Sure enough, in his hands is a tiny notebook, smaller than the one that Kayden had in his car. Attached is a pen, again different than Kayden’s.

Why do I have to keep comparing everything to Kayden? This isn’t him, it’s Dillon.