Count On Me(46)

“If someone needed help in math, could they get help from her?” I ask stupidly, but selfishly at the same time. I’ve hated math since the second grade and it’s only gotten harder for me as the years went on. If she could help, it would be awesome.

“She has the knowledge to help college students, Kayden, so of course one could go to her for help. It’s a sad reality that because of her issues in speech that most won’t.”

She’s right about that. We all believe her to be defective and considering her other issues, we’re afraid to get up close and personal with her or that’s how it used to be, at least for me.

“What are some of her struggles? I mean I know some, like her accidents and the speech thing, even her aversion to loud noises and yelling, but what else is there?”

“She has sensory issues as it relates to certain surroundings and struggles as it pertains to food textures. I’m not sure if you’ve ever come across this since the two of you have gotten close, but when she enters a room where there are a lot of things and/or people that she isn’t used to, she tends to meltdown.”

I‘ve seen that. My mind flashes to the way she was in the bathroom the day I found her and my stomach turns. There wasn’t all that much in there to be stimulated by, but I have no doubt that she was broken then. It’s all I have to go on.

“When she has what they call a meltdown, she reacts, but it’s not in the way you or I would. She will hit herself, she will cry and as you are aware, she will lose control of her bodily functions. It is like her entire body just shuts down, or breaks. She has learned quite a few coping strategies over the years, but sometimes, depending how far into one of the episodes she is, they may not work in time.”

I remember a little of the way she used to be when we were kids and I remember her hitting herself. I just assumed it was because she was frustrated. It’s something about her I never found weird because I did the same thing when I used to get really pissed off.

“What you need to remember most, Kayden, is that she isn’t what people believe her to be. I know I used the word break earlier, but she is not broken. She is not defective and she most definitely isn’t retarded, slow or stupid. She is just different. She is uniquely Isabelle.”

“I know that, Ms. T. I think I’m the only one besides you that gets it. I just think that maybe I learned a little too late. I can’t seem to do anything right with her.”

“Would you like to know a secret?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Today when she should have been doing her math, I caught her doing something out of character. It was actually the first time I have ever seen her do it.”

“What was she doing?” I ask, more curious to know now then when she first brought it up. When I leave her here every day, I have no idea how she acts, but it looks like I’m about to get a bird’s eye view and I can’t wait.

“She had her head leaning on her hand and this glazed over look in her eye and no matter how old you get, you always know what that look means. Add that to her being angled toward the door and it was pretty easy to see what was going on.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“Boys, I swear.” She laughs. “Kayden dear, she was completely lost in thought and I’m willing to bet my salary I know the very reason for it. He’s standing in front of me now.”

Me.

If what Ms. Taylor says is true then Isabelle was blowing off something she loves because she was thinking about me. It’s all the information I need. I got what I came for. Whether she realizes it or not, the teacher just made everything clear for me.

I know what I have to do now.

It’s time to make Isabelle mine.



Belle



This is what life with me is like.

If I could speak, I would’ve warned him about the way I am, but because I can barely get my own thoughts straight when I’m with him, of course it’s impossible to talk to him. He didn’t even do anything wrong this time, not really. All he did is ask why I was acting weird and that’s all it took.

I felt the panic rising in me just with the sound of the word. I know I’m acting irrationally, but I’ve spent the last ten years being called weird and names that are even worse, so even the most basic use of the word gets to me. He wasn’t literally calling me weird and deep down I know that, but I couldn’t stick around and explain it to him.

The truth is, I don’t want him to see me this way. He’s already seen me at my worst, but this, after the almost two weeks we’ve had hanging out with each other, well it’s embarrassing and I don’t want him to have to deal with it. I’ve gotten better lately. I thought I was stronger, but this just goes to show that I’m not strong at all.