Count On Me(44)

“I know that. Can you please tell me what’s wrong? You’re acting weird.”

The minute the word comes out I know I’ve chosen the wrong one. I do that a lot with her, but the way her body seems to freeze, I know I’ve picked the worst possible one this time, well other then calling her a retard, something I won’t ever do.

Isabelle doesn’t exactly go out of her way to talk about it, but I get the feeling she wants nothing more than to be like everyone else. In fact, the way she looks at some of the other girls in the hall speaks to it. She tries to hide it, but she frowns sometimes when she sees groups of girls talking and laughing, some even talking about guys. She wants to be like them and can’t be.

If I’m so weird, why are you still here?

I’m about to tell her exactly why I’m there, words I’ve never spoken to another human being in my life, let alone another girl, but I stop myself. Now is not the right time for that and besides, we still haven’t talked about the kiss we shared the other day, so I have no idea if she even thinks about me that way.

God, this is so frustrating. Every time I think I take steps forward with her, I seem to be pushed right back. I just want her to let me in. If she did that, then maybe we could work together and fix everything she thinks is wrong with her, even though I don’t see anything wrong with her at all.

“You really wanna know why I’m here, Isabelle?” I ask using her full name this time, making sure she’s aware of how serious I am. She needs to know this isn’t a joke to me.

Yes.

“Because you’re the only real friend I have.”

It’s the truth. Maybe it’s not exactly what I want to say, but it doesn’t make it any less true. She really has become a friend to me. I’ve got a lot of friends, but with her, it’s not because of a position I play on a team or because of the way I look. It’s because she actually sees me.

I need to go. I’m sorry Kayden.

I start to get up the minute the text comes through and she holds out her hand to stop me as she gets to her feet. It’s only when the next message comes through that I realize why she’s stopping me.

Alone. I need to be alone.

For the first time since the day my mom walked out and never came back, I feel it. As I watch her turn and walk away from me, I’m twisted inside and I hate every second of it.

I feel my heart breaking.





Chapter Fourteen



Kayden



“Kayden, I didn’t think I was going to see you until later.”

When Isabelle took off, I wasn’t entirely sure what to do. With as much time as I’ve been spending with her, I knew I couldn’t just get up and find Dillon and the others and honestly, I didn’t want to do that anyway. I couldn’t stay there under that tree though. The longer I did it, the worse I felt because of just what that stupid tree meant.

It’s only right to sit there when she’s with me. It never had meaning before I started spending time with her and if she’s going to walk away and leave me alone; it was going to go back to being that way. Nothing about staying there felt right without her.

When I dropped Isabelle off and talked to Ms. Taylor, I was actually setting up a time to come see her and talk to her about things. My idea to go back to the start meant that first I had to learn everything I could about Autism. If I want to spend time with Isabelle, I couldn’t do it without understanding exactly what it is she goes through. Once I understand, maybe I can change the way it’s looked at. Who better to change a bunch of kid’s minds then one of the most popular guys in school? Even if lately that social standing is falling apart by the second.

I want to know her, every single thing about her. A lot of that is what she deals with every single day, both the good and the bad. I need to learn all I can about autism and what it really means, so I can move forward with the promise I made myself that day in my car.

“You were, but I’ve got practice after school today. I should’ve remembered that before.”

“Well, we can do this now.” She answers and I smile weakly, thankful she’s willing to fit me in. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but where is Isabelle?”

I know I’m here to learn about her, but do I really have to talk about her? I don’t want to admit that I upset her again, for what feels like the hundredth time this week and she took off on me. If I do that, Ms. Taylor will see me for the screw up that I am and won’t help me.

I can’t risk that. I need her help.

“She wanted some time alone. I guess I’ve been smothering her lately.”

“Don’t think like that, dear. I’ve never seen her happy like this before. I think what you’re doing is good for her.”