By Proxy(85)

He began his walk back to his hotel, passing a store called Montana Sapphire. As he walked by, the brilliant gold of the setting sun bounced off something in the window so brightly it blinded Sam for a moment in his walk. He backed up and took a look in the window, noting the offender was a light blue gem cut into a star shape, mounted on a platinum band. He stared at it for a while, knowing full and well his unexpected impulse to buy it was ridiculous. He didn’t even know if she would speak to him and he was looking at engagement rings? Keep moving, Sam.

He walked down two more blocks before turning around and walking back briskly and entering the store.

“The light blue ring in the window?” he asked, gesturing to it.

“Oh, yes. The North Star model. It’s not a sapphire, sir. It’s a star-cut diamond. Unusual, right? For a special lady. It has eighty-six facets, and this particular ring is one-point-five carats and has a color rating of H. Do you want me to price it for you, sir?”

He ended up buying it. Truth be told, he’d been sold by the words “North Star” and couldn’t seem to leave the store without it. He didn’t have a finger to put it on yet but he hoped maybe one day—someday—once Jenny had forgiven him, he might have the chance to give it to her.

Back at the hotel, he had stuffed the small box in his suitcase, feeling foolish and determined to return the expensive ring to the store tomorrow. He didn’t even know where the impulse to make such an impractical purchase had come from. An expensive ring for no good reason. Ridiculous, Sam.

It’s just that life felt so possible in the last day or two. Leaving Chicago. Moving to Great Falls. The hope that he could win Jenny back and have her in his life. Possible.

The fire was warm against his skin so he leaned back into the comfortable softness of the easy chair, closing his eyes, enjoying the din of conversation in the lobby of the lodge, the smell of the crackling fire, the soft classical music being piped into the room.

He heard her voice before he saw her. “Oh! Are you staying here too?”

This was his mind playing a trick on him, just as it had at those nightclubs in Chicago when his eyes had seen Jenny in every blonde woman he beheld. He kept his eyes closed. It wasn’t her voice. It was merely another woman whose voice sounded like her.

“Sam?”

His eyes flew open at the sound of his name and he jolted forward like he had been shocked. This wasn’t a trick. It was her, standing before him.

Jenny.

A massive lump formed in his throat and his face crumpled with emotion, seeing her beautiful face in front of him. He leaned forward in embarrassment to cover his face with hands for a moment, then he ran them back through his hair, standing up on wobbly legs, still not totally sure she was real.

“Jen?”

Her wide blue eyes were bright with tears. She nodded at him, unable to speak.

He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him roughly, closing his arms around her, his fingers curling into fists with handfuls of her sweater. He rested his cheek against her head, working his jaw, feeling a tear slip from his eye and trail down his face into her hair. He felt her arms around his back, and closed his eyes. After weeks of aching longing, he was holding her.

Say something! Say something, Sam!

But the lump in his throat wouldn’t allow it.

Anyhow, words would have just been in the way.

***

Jenny closed her eyes, resting her cheek against his chest, hearing the frantic thumping of his heart and the ragged unevenness of his breathing. His arms were around her so tightly she couldn’t even lean back to look at him. He had looked at her almost like she was an apparition, like it was impossible for her to suddenly appear before him. His face had crumpled and he had covered it to hide his tears, so overcome by her sudden appearance.

In that moment Jenny knew she would never willingly live another day of her life away from Sam. Almost losing him once was enough to prove to her that—like father, like daughter—she would follow him to China, she would follow him to hell, she would rather die than be without him. It didn’t matter where she was, as long as she was with him.

He finally leaned back, and she could see the wetness around his eyes and on his cheeks. His beautiful eyes, his beloved face. He held her face with a stark intensity in his eyes that almost frightened her. He must have seen her swallow nervously, because he tilted his head to the side and his face softened, searching her eyes, then dipping his head to kiss her.

When his lips brushed against hers, her eyes filled with tears again and fluttered closed, and she ran her hands up to his neck, longing for the warmth of his skin under her fingers. He moved his lips softly over hers and that heavenly heat bubbled up from the depths of her body, radiating out from her middle until a wave of requited love fell over her, and the terrible, aching loneliness of the past few weeks faded away like the darkness of a nightmare when you wake up in the bright light of a brand new day.