By Proxy(80)

“What are you thinking about?”

Jenny looked up, smile fading.

“Oh,” she sighed. “Sam. He wasn’t always as smooth as he seemed. I loved that.”

Paul’s voice was hard and annoyed when he muttered, “You only knew him for a weekend, for God’s sake.”

Jenny stared at him, hamburger midway to her mouth. She set it down on the plate and her lips tightened into an angry line, staring at his bowed head. “What does that mean?

He looked up and seemed surprised by the cold look on her face. “It means…” He opened his palms in supplication, shaking his head back and forth. “It means—”

“Get over it?”

“I’m not trying to be insensitive.”

“You’re doing a pretty good job, though.”

“Okay, Jenny. Yes. Get over it. He’s not from here. He clearly didn’t have your best interests at heart. He turned your whole life upside down in four days. I’m not sure why he still deserves your…your devotion.”

She nodded, folding her hands on the table in front of her. “He deserves my devotion because he was able to turn my whole life upside down in a matter of four days.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means if I cared for him less or if he cared less for me he wouldn’t have been able to do that.”

“So what, Jen? What do you want? Do you love him? Is that it? After knowing him for a long weekend, you’re in love with him?” His voice was angry, incredulous and demanding at once.

She gasped and held her breath while her eyes widened, her mouth loosely open in thought. It was the missing puzzle piece; the cause that could make Chicago the effect. Her eyebrows knitted as she stared at the table and out of the blue she beamed exhaling until her lungs were empty, looking up at Paul with a radiant smile. “Yes.”

She started laughing, nodding, tears brightening her eyes. “Yes.” She swiped at her eyes, shaking her head back and forth, grinning at Paul. “Yes. After knowing him for four days, I am totally and completely in love with him.”

He looked at her like she had lost her mind. “I don’t think you’re thinking clearly, Jenny.”

She smiled at him, her eyes alive and full of hope. “Yes, Paul. I am.” She looked down at the table and then tried out the words again in a whisper. “I love him. I love him.”

Paul took his napkin off his lap and tossed it on top of his plate, over his half-eaten food. His face was pinched and humorless. “Well, good for you, Jen. What the heck’s keeping you here?”

She grimaced and swallowed, as fear rose up inside of her unbidden. Fear. Her family. What if she went to Chicago and something happened to one of them? How would she live with herself?

“Jen, what’re you going to do?” he insisted.

“I don’t know yet.” She worked her jaw as she had seen Sam do. “But this isn’t a life. This is the shadow of a life. My Dad and Lars are constantly in the park. Erik’s always helping them. Nils has his hands full with the business. They all have lives here.” Her forehead creased in thought, and her eyes were wide when she looked back up at Paul. “Is it possible I’m only staying here for Sunday suppers?”

“It’s possible. Losing your mom was really hard for you, Jen.” He folded his hands on the table, sighing in defeat. “All right, Jenny. I promised you I’d be your friend tonight, so let’s talk. And just a little disclaimer? This is definitely your friend talking, because encouraging you to go for this guy feels all wrong for me as a man.”

She met his eyes, biting her lip. He continued.

“Here’s what I think: You’re devoted to your family. You have been for as long as I’ve known you. Especially after your mom passed. It would take a lot of courage for you to leave Gardiner. But you have that kind of courage, Jenny. Even if you’re not sure you do, I am. As long as Sam loves you the way you deserve to be loved, then you should be able to find that courage inside of you.”

She nodded at him and he continued, shaking his head, a sour expression on his handsome face.

“May as well throw the game at this point,” he muttered, meeting her eyes with decisive intensity, using his guidance-counselor voice. “Use your head, Jenny: Gardiner and Chicago aren’t the only two places in the whole world to choose from. Maybe if you’d give a little, he would too. Love means compromise.”

She bit her lip and nodded at Paul. What he said made a lot of sense. Her expression softened as she thought about how hard it must have been for him to set aside his personal feelings and counsel her.