By Proxy(83)

She stirred a little milk and sugar into Erik’s cup as he liked and headed back into the living room. “Weren’t you helping Pappa with a group today?”

“Got ten minutes. Wanted to talk to you.”

“Could have talked to me yesterday, Erik. We were together all day.”

“True enough. But, I wanted to say something just to you. Just me to you without Lars and Nils butting in.”

She plopped down on the loveseat across from him, anxious to get this conversation over with so she could get rid of Erik and have time to clear her mind and sort her thoughts before writing her e-mail to Sam.

She put her coffee cup on the table and faced him squarely. “So?”

“Pappa told us you’re going to Chicago.” His blue eyes, so similar to hers in shape and color, held hers seriously.

She wouldn’t be cowered. “Maybe. If that’s what it takes.”

“For Sam,” he confirmed.

She tilted her head to the side, eyeballing him, then nodded curtly, feeling huffy.

He breathed in deeply about to speak, but Jenny decided she had had enough. “You know what, Erik? I get it. I’m the little Lindstrom sister and you think I have no business chasing after a man in Chicago. And you’re afraid I’m going to get my heart broken and good. So I am sure you drew the short straw and the boys sent you over or whatever. But, it’s my life. Mine. And while I appreciate the protective thing you three have going here—”

“Wanted to wish you luck, Jen.”

Jenny stopped short and stared at her brother with her mouth open. This was the last thing she expected to hear. “You what?”

“I just wanted to come by and wish you luck with everything.”

Tears filled her eyes as she looked at Erik’s face, so open and genuine, and she realized how much it meant to her to have his support, his blessing. She bit her cheek to keep from crying and barely whispered the word, “Luck?”

“You used to have a lot of heart, Jen. That first time the boys came to get you up in Great Falls? I know you told them to go to hell forty ways from Friday. I also know the second time they went up to get you, you had to come home because of Mamma. You had no choice. But I wasn’t with them, Jen. Neither time. Wasn’t with them, because I knew you had to come home, but I still hated it.

“Gardiner isn’t for everyone. Isn’t for you and it might surprise you to know that it isn’t for me, either. Pappa, Nils and Lars, they love the park. They’d go on in there every day and wander around whether they got paid for it or not. And, aww, I love the park, Jen. You know I do. But, it’s not everything for me. It’s not what I want. It’s not enough. Maybe we both got scared of leaving, you and me. I don’t know.

“But, I know I got woke up watching you, Jen. All that heart suddenly came back to you and I got to thinking…well, I think Sam woke you up. I think that’s what happened. You know how I feel about being tied down. It’s not for me, that’s for sure. But I’m happy for you.

“So, I just wanted to wish you luck, Jenny-girl. You’re my family and I’m sorry to see you go far away, but I sure do understand.” He stood up, placing Casey on the floor, cocked his head to the side and gave her a stern look. “And one last thing. You got your heart back. Good. Now don’t get it broken, lillesøster.”

Jenny launched herself across the room into her brother’s arms, resting her head on his shoulder and loving the sturdy strength of him so close to her. When she leaned back, Erik swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat.

“Got to go to work.”

Jenny nodded. “Thanks for this, Erik.”

He nodded back and headed for the door, then turned before he twisted the knob to leave. “Heya, Jen? Wherever you end up? Let me know. Might be looking for a fresh start, too.”

“Wherever I am, Erik, there will always be room for you. Elsker deg.” Love you.

“Elsker deg også, Jen,” he whispered in Norwegian, holding her eyes before closing the door behind him.

***

With her father and Erik on her side, Jenny knew Nils and Lars would come around. She smiled to herself, wondering what Erik wanted for his life, wondering how long he had felt quietly dissatisfied with Gardiner, as she had. What a lot of wasted time. She wished they had been able to share their feelings and find strength in one another’s longing for more than Gardiner had to offer.

She sighed, and Erik’s words replayed in her head, “All that heart suddenly come back to you and I got to thinking…well, I think Sam woke you up.” Sam woke me up. She knew that Erik, who was generally so wary of love, was right. The part of her that found love, the part of her that knew the mesmerizing sweetness of passion, the part of her that finally found the courage to leave Gardiner—that part of her was asleep until she met him, until loving him and being loved by him awakened her.