Weight of Silence(31)
Beaten up for being gay. Someone in Stratton. A supposedly safe little town.
Jace glanced back at the Jeep. The sun was reflecting off the windshield, blocking his view of Gavin. He’d never asked, but he couldn’t help wondering if Gavin had ever gone through anything like that. Gavin had been out for years, after all.
Then again, everyone knew who his father was, and they probably figured his temper ran the same.
Jace was terrified of being out, but he was also exhausted of hiding. Secrets were way too easy for others to exploit—he’d learned that one the hard, painful way during finals.
After the stifling heat of the Jeep, the cold December air felt good. He felt more awake in the cold, more alert. He walked down to the short pier and tested the old, worn wood. It creaked but didn’t seem soft or dangerous, so he walked out a few feet. The sun was dipping down toward the tops of the trees, rippling orange across the surface of the lake. He gazed along the water line, as far as he could see. No one lived along Carter’s Lake, and he’d never asked anyone why not. He imagined a house up here would be nice and peaceful, a retreat from the stress of small town life. He wanted to see other mountain lakes in other states so he could compare them. Maybe live on one of those lakes permanently.
He wanted to do so much, and none of it here in Stratton.
The Jeep door slammed and Jace jumped. Gavin trotted down the beach toward him, the sketchpad clutched against his chest. His teeth were already chattering by the time he joined Jace out on the pier.
“How are you not a popsicle yet?” Gavin asked.
“I don’t mind the cold as much,” Jace said with a shrug. “Are you finished?”
“I think so.”
“Can I see it?”
Gavin hesitated, and Jace wasn’t certain if the redness in his cheeks was from the cold air or embarrassment. Gavin turned the sketchbook around. He’d filled in the sky, adding a few wisps of clouds and a sun barely peeking down from the top of the page. The water had gained some motion and layers, probably because of the sun’s position. But those changes didn’t capture Jace’s attention the way one addition did.
A thin, shadowy figure stood in the foreground of the sketch, body mostly off the page, but visible enough to show a kind of profile. Jace’s profile, looking out over the water.
Something thick formed in Jace’s throat. He managed to force a single word past that lump. “Wow.”
“Is it okay?”
Jace stared at him. “It’s beautiful, Gav. Really.”
Gavin grinned. “You think so? You don’t mind?”
“No, I really think it’s great. I told you before you have a lot of talent.”
“I just don’t have any patience.”
“You finished this piece.”
“I had something to inspire me.”
Their eyes met over the drawing. A familiar heat sparked in Gavin’s coffee-colored depths, and his lips quirked. Something inside of Jace melted. He could definitely deal with being Gavin’s inspiration if he kept looking at him like that. Like he mattered. Like Gavin saw him and liked what he was looking at.
“Thank you,” Jace said, his voice thick. Almost hoarse.
“For what?”
“This. Letting me watch you work.”
“My pleasure.”
“Not yet,” Jace said with a wicked grin, “but it will be.”
Gavin was still coming down off his post-orgasm high when Jace sat back on his heels after sucking him off with uncharacteristic intensity and asked, “Does it bother you that I’m not out?”
He stared at Jace down the length of his body, confused by the serious question and the intent way Jace had asked it. They’d tumbled into the trailer less than half an hour ago, already pulling at each other’s clothes, Jace limping along with him straight to the bedroom. Jace had pushed him down with a little more vigor than usual, more in control of their activities, and had proceeded to keep all of his clothes on while divesting Gavin of his.
Jace dressed + Gavin naked = Super hot!
Jace still had his shoes on, and he winced as he sat down—probably from his bruised knee, which still gave Gavin fits when he thought about how Jace got hurt in the first place. Gavin yanked his attention off Jace’s knee and back onto his question where it belonged.
“No, it doesn’t bother me,” Gavin said. “You know who you are, and that’s the most important part of coming out.”
“Admitting it to yourself?”
“Yeah. Everyone else can know when you’re ready for them to.”
“Is there ever a good time?”
Gavin sat up and pulled his legs forward, starting to get a clearer picture. “You’re thinking about wanting to leave school, aren’t you?”