Wanting What She Can't Have(9)

Ruby sat on her little padded butt, chewing on something she'd picked  up from the ground. A small stick by the looks of it, Alexis thought as  she reached her.

"What's that she's got?"

Raoul appeared beside them to stand over his daughter, an expression of  distaste on his face as he reached down and extricated the twig from  Ruby's fingers. The baby voiced her disagreement with his action,  loudly.

"I thought you were supposed to be watching her," he accused, holding the stick out for Alexis to see it.

"I was. I-"

"Not closely enough, it seems. God only knows what else she could have  picked up and put in her mouth while you weren't looking."

"Raoul, you're overreacting. It's just a twig, and off a nontoxic plant  at that. Babies learn by putting things in their mouths. Don't worry,  she's fine."

"And if it had been a toxic plant? Or if she'd toppled over and the  stick had gone into her throat? What then? Would she learn that you can  die from something like that?"

There was a note of harsh censure to his voice that made her blood run  cold in her veins. She should have kept a closer eye on Ruby, she knew  that. It still hurt to hear Raoul speak that way to her. She reached  down and gathered the little girl close to her, taking comfort from  Ruby's closeness as she soothed the baby's cries, rubbing her back and  automatically rocking gently from one foot to the other until she  settled. Raoul threw the offending twig onto the ground with a sound of  disgust.

"I knew this was a mistake. We're leaving now," he said, and turned on his heel to stride away before Alexis could answer.

"Are you okay?" Laura said as she came up beside Alexis. "I don't mean  to pry but I couldn't help overhearing. Protective, much?"                       
       
           



       

"Yeah, he's right, though. I should have been keeping a closer eye on Ruby."

"He's paranoid about losing her, isn't he? I mean, we're all a bit off  the scale when it comes to our own kids, but with him it's more, isn't  it?"

Alexis sighed as she watched Raoul say goodbye to his buddies and then  gather their picnic bag and Ruby's diaper bag together. His movements  were short and jerky, a clear indication of his foul temper.

"Yeah, it's definitely more."

"He'll come around. Y'know, we all thought that maybe he didn't, or  couldn't, love Ruby after Bree died. That maybe he blamed her somehow.  But after seeing that, I think he possibly loves her too much-that he's  afraid he'll lose her, too."

"I was thinking the same," Alexis agreed. "Hey, thanks for asking us along today. Sorry it kind of ended on a sour note."

"Don't worry about it. We're just glad you managed to talk him into coming. Maybe we can all get together again sometime soon."

Alexis gave her a thin smile and said her goodbyes to the others before  joining Raoul over by the picnic table where he waited with  ill-concealed impatience.

"We need to talk," he said as she drew nearer.

"When we get home," Alexis conceded.

Yes, they did need to talk, but she had the feeling that Raoul wasn't  going to listen to her opinions no matter what she said. She flicked a  glance at his stony face, lingering on the pain that reflected in his  eyes. Pain that made her heart twist with longing to put things right  for him. But she couldn't do it on her own. He had to meet her halfway.

As they drove back to his house she stared blindly out the side window  doubting, for the first time since she'd come here, her decision to try  and help out. She was in way over her head with this situation and she  lacked the objectivity she needed to get through it.

How on earth could she be objective when all she wanted to do every  time she saw him was to obliterate his grief with sensation, with her  love?

* * *

Raoul turned the Range Rover into the driveway at home with a measure  of relief. Ruby had fretted the entire journey home, making it seem a  lot longer than the twenty-minute drive it really was. He was glad to  have gotten her home, but the relief didn't compare to the fury that  simmered through his body. Alexis had one job to do-look after Ruby.  That was it. Except it wasn't.

Life was so much simpler before she came along. He'd relished his time  alone. Life was lonely, yes, but predictable. Safe. Now, every day was a  challenge and he rose each morning not knowing what he'd face. It used  to be that he'd relish a challenge like that, but not anymore. Not when  each challenge came with a new emotional twist that he'd thought he'd  never feel again.

He pulled the SUV to a halt outside the house and got out, going around  to the rear of the vehicle to extricate the bags and the stroller while  Alexis took Ruby from her car seat.

"I'll just give her a bottle to calm her and get her settled for a sleep."

He responded with a curt nod. "I'll wait for you in the study."

While he waited he paced, and then he paced some more. He didn't know  how to handle this, how to handle Alexis, but he knew he wanted her  gone. Everything had blown up into larger-than-life proportions since  her arrival, and he desperately wanted to fit everything back into its  neat little boxes all over again-boxes he could keep closed or open at  will.

It was nearly half an hour before he heard her quiet knock on his study  door. She let herself in without awaiting his acknowledgment-a suitable  simile to how she behaved with him on a daily basis, he realized with a  rare flash of bleak humor.

"She was a bit difficult to settle, but she's out for the count now,"  Alexis said by way of explanation as she came in and crossed the room to  take a seat.

As she walked, he couldn't help but notice that her jeans stretched  tight across her hips, accentuating her very female curves. Curves that  he had no business looking at, he reminded himself sternly. Except he  couldn't quite bring himself to look away. Even after she sat down in  the chair opposite his desk, he remained mesmerized by the fade pattern  on the denim, by the all-too-perfect fit around her thighs.                       
       
           



       

Oblivious to the battle going on in his mind, Alexis blithely  continued. "She was definitely overtired, after today, but I checked her  gums and she's cutting more teeth, too, so that was probably part of  the problem."

Raoul grunted something in response before taking the chair behind the  desk. He needed the physical barrier between them. Scrambling to get his  thoughts together, he drew in a deep breath.

"About today-" he started, only to be cut off by Alexis speaking over him, her words chasing one after the other in a rush.

"Look, I apologize. What happened was all my fault. I took my eyes off  Ruby for a few seconds and she went out of my line of vision. I  shouldn't have done it and it was wrong and I'm deeply sorry."

"Sorry isn't enough, Alexis. I don't think you're the right person for the job of caring for Ruby."

Raoul forced himself to look at a spot just past her, so he could  pretend that he didn't see the flare of distress that suddenly crossed  her features. A hank of her honey-blond hair had worked its way loose  from her ponytail and she absently shoved it back behind one ear.

"Don't you think that's a bit of an overreaction?" she said, her voice shaking just a little.

"You're here to mind her. You didn't."

"Raoul, it's not like you weren't there along with several other adults who could see her."

She pushed up to her feet and leaned forward on the desk, the deep  V-neck of her T-shirt gaping and affording him a breathtaking view of  her breasts cupped in the palest pink lace. Flames of heat seared along  his veins, taking the words he was about to utter and reducing them to  ash in his mouth. He rapidly lifted his gaze to her face. Bad idea.

A flush of color stained her cheeks and her eyes shimmered with  moisture making them look bigger and even more vulnerable than ever.

"Look, I admit I made a mistake," she said fervently, her voice even  more wobbly now, "but no harm came of it and I promise you I will be far  more vigilant from now on. She won't move an inch without me being on  her shadow."

"I don't know," he said, shaking his head and fighting back the growing  physical need to reach for her that rose inexorably from deep within  him.

"She needs a nanny. If not me, then who else is there, Raoul?  Catherine's not even two weeks out of surgery and she won't be home from  her sister's for a couple of weeks yet. She couldn't possibly be  capable of chasing and looking after an active child at that  point-she'll barely be able to care for herself. Ruby could very well be  walking by then, if the past few days are any indication. Who else can  look after her? You?"