Wanting What She Can't Have(10)

A cold dash of terror quelled the heat of his desire. There was no way  he was assuming sole responsibility for Ruby. He simply couldn't. If  Alexis, a trained nanny, could make a mistake like today, what hope did  he have?

Alexis continued with her tirade. "I suppose you could always put her  into day care but is that really what Bree would have wanted? Wasn't it  always her wish to have her children raised at home? Can't you at least  respect her wishes in that? You lock yourself up in this house as if you  want to bury yourself in her memory, but don't you know how furious  she'd be with you for pushing everyone away?"

"Enough!" he all but shouted back. "You've made your point. You have one more chance. But that's it, Alexis."

"What's the matter, Raoul?" she goaded. "You don't like to hear the truth?"

"Don't," he warned. "Don't mess with what you know nothing about."

"I know Bree would have hated to see you like this. So cold and closed  down that you can't even show love or care to your own daughter!" Alexis  persisted.

Raoul flew out of his chair and around the desk, grabbing her by her upper arms and swinging her around to face him.

"You think I don't feel? That I'm cold and don't care? Let me show you just how wrong you are."

Without thinking, he lowered his mouth to hers, his lips laying claim  to hers with a sense of purpose that drove him to take and to plunder  with little care for the consequences. She uttered a tiny moan, her arms  coming up around his shoulders, her fingers pushing into his hair and  holding him. Even now she sought to comfort him, it seemed.                       
       
           



       

But comfort was the last thing on his mind.

He softened his onslaught as he took the time to luxuriate in the soft  plumpness of her lips, to taste the sweetly intoxicating flavor of her  mouth and to-just for this moment-lose himself in sensation.

A shudder racked his body and he pulled her in closer to him, molding  her body along the length of his own. Her hips tilted gently against the  growing ridge of his erection, sending a spear of want through him that  threatened to make his legs weaken beneath him.

His hands reached for her waist, for the hem of her shirt. He lifted  the thin fabric, groaning against her as he felt the soft delicate heat  of her skin. He stroked his hands upward until they came into contact  with the rasp of her lacy bra. Beneath the lace her nipples jutted out,  tight beads of flesh. He brushed his thumbs over them, once, twice. Oh,  what he wouldn't give to take them, one by one, into his mouth right  now. To tease her and taste her. To discover every last secret of this  woman who'd remained a shadow in the back of his mind from the day he'd  first met her.

The thought was as sobering now as it had been back then. Reluctantly  Raoul dragged his hands out from beneath her top and reached up to  disengage her arms from around his neck. As he gently pushed her back  his eyes met hers.

Desire reflected back at him, magnifying the demand that still surged  and swelled inside him. Her lips were slightly swollen, glistening with  temptation.

Raoul let her go and took a step back.

"Trust me, I feel," he said, his breath coming in heavy puffs. "Too damn much."





Six

Alexis stood in the study, watching Raoul's retreating form with a  stunned expression on her face. What the hell had just happened? Well,  okay, realistically she knew exactly what had just happened-but why?

One second they'd been arguing, the next... She raised a shaking hand  to her lips, lips that still felt the searing heat of his possession.  Her entire body pulsated with energy. Energy that begged for release.  She slowly shook her head in disbelief. She'd always been attracted to  him, she'd known that, but this...this reaction went way further than  simple attraction. This went bone deep, soul deep. And it left her  wanting so much more.

Physically, she'd always been incredibly drawn to Raoul-not only to his  body and his mind, but to his heart. He'd been a fabulous husband to  Bree and it was his devotion to her friend and their obvious love for  one another that had made their happiness together all the more  bittersweet for her to witness. Seeing how they'd felt about one another  was a reminder to herself that she never wanted to settle for anything  less. She wanted the kind of love that Raoul and Bree had had-the same  kind of enduring love that her parents had enjoyed through multiple  trials and tribulations in their marriage.

Most recently, all through her mother's rapidly advancing early-onset  dementia, Alexis's dad had stuck by her-caring for her at home by  himself, since Alexis had been overseas, until he was forced to see her  admitted to hospital. Even then, he'd barely moved from her side until  her death almost four months ago.

Alexis wanted that kind of devotion in a relationship. She was prepared  to give it and she believed she deserved it in return. But none of the  men she'd dated had ever shown that capacity for love. Then she'd met  Raoul, the handsomest man she'd ever met and someone who loved so fully  and deeply that it took her breath away. Was it any wonder she'd fallen  for him in a matter of moments?

But what were his feelings toward her? After the blisteringly hot kiss,  she knew attraction was part of it...but was that the extent of it for  him? Was he capable of feeling anything more for her? She knew it was  still early days for Raoul, that the pain of Bree's death was still a  simmering thing lying on the surface of his every day.

She was caught between a rock and a hard place. Did she keep gently  pushing him to expose the attraction she knew he felt for her any  further? Or did she wait and see what happened next after today's kiss?

Bree would forever be a part of their lives. Ruby was full testimony to  that, not to mention the fact that true love, like energy, could never  be destroyed. But she also knew that love, if it existed between two  people, could grow and become enriched in even the worst of situations.  Her parents were the perfect example of that.                       
       
           



       

The question was, however, could Raoul Benoit give that to her? Would  he ever take down the barriers he kept so firmly erected between them  again?

Did she even have the right to ask him to?

* * *

Her first month caring for Ruby had passed in a blur of time, Alexis  realized as she watched a fun educational DVD with Ruby, clapping hands  with her and jiggling along with the music. She'd lifted Ruby to her  feet and was holding her hands as the baby pumped her thighs in time to  the beat. She couldn't help laughing at the happy energy the little girl  exuded as she squealed and danced.

"Someone sounds happy. She's got her mother's sense of rhythm, I see."

Alexis turned to see Raoul standing in the doorway, a look on his face that was half quizzical and half humorous.

"Dad-dad-dad-dad!" Ruby shrieked as she saw her father.

Alexis bit her lip. Over the past few days the baby had gone from  curiosity about Raoul, to grim determination to make him acknowledge  her. Ruby plopped down onto her padded bottom and Alexis let her hands  go, only to see the child pull herself up using the coffee table beside  them and take at first one, then two, then more tentative steps toward  her father.

"Oh, my God, she's walking. She's actually walking!" Alexis cried.

"Should she be doing that already?" Raoul said, his eyes fixed on his  daughter's tiny form as it teetered toward him on the carpeted floor.

"Well, she's a little early at ten months, but she's been showing signs  of wanting to get onto her feet properly for a couple of weeks now.  Oops, there she goes."

Ruby lost her balance but before she could hit the carpet, Raoul was  right there. His large hands hooked under her tiny armpits and swung her  up into an arc that made her release a gurgling laugh of sheer joy.

Alexis felt a pang in her chest at the sight. This was how it should  have been all along. Father and daughter sharing special moments like  this one.

"Dad-dad," Ruby said again, her little hand patting Raoul on the face.

"That's right, Ruby," Alexis said from her position on the floor. "That's your daddy. Good girl."

"She can't really understand I'm her father," Raoul said, putting Ruby back down on the floor.

He was forced to reluctantly hold her hands as she tugged herself up  onto her feet again and continued to want to walk, this time with him  bent over, holding her hands as she tottled toward Alexis.

"Why not?" Alexis asked, feeling her joy at seeing them together dim a  little at his lack of pleasure in Ruby's behavior. "You are her father  and she ought to know that, don't you think?"