Wanted(16)

Not so her other Amish friends. No, Laura and James had first taken her there one evening, but then had found nothing in the Brown Dog that was worthy of note. After that, Katie had gone by herself.

Events had spiraled at a breakneck speed, then fell apart, shattered as a finely made glass. The shards had pricked her, too. Some still lay embedded in her skin, pushing to get out, making her wince if she moved suddenly. If she forgot they were there.

When she’d left Brandon and Holly for the very last time, Katie had felt terribly embarrassed and ashamed. It had been difficult to admit to being a liar for almost two years. And that was what she had been.

Their questions and confusion had echoed in Katie’s mind long after she’d torn out the front door, grabbed her bicycle, and pedaled as quickly as she dared back to everything that was familiar. Right then and there, she’d promised herself to never stray again from the Amish way of life. To never pretend to be someone she wasn’t.

An hour later, in the woods bordering the Lundy’s farm, Katie hopped off the bicycle, removed the jeans and sweater, and slipped back on her dress. The air had been chilly—she’d welcomed the sting on her skin. With easy, comforting movements, she’d braided her hair and positioned her kapp. By dipping a cloth into the edge of the river, she’d removed the last sheen of pink lip gloss.

Finally, she gathered up all her “English” clothes into a pillowcase and tossed them into the river. After valiantly attempting to float, the items sunk.

Very slowly, she walked the rest of the way home. Head down. Proper. Circumspect. But she couldn’t forget who she’d pretended to be.

We need to talk.

Stunned into the present again, Katie stared at the words. The note sounded so desperate and sure. What in the world could Holly want? What could she possibly want to speak to Katie about after all this time?

More important, what had happened in Holly’s life to prod her to even want to contact Katie? Holly had been so mad when Katie had confessed everything. Katie would’ve thought nothing would ever have encouraged Holly to seek her out. The note sounded urgent and determined, which made Katie feel even more on edge.

Closing her eyes, Katie remembered so many good times she’d shared with Holly and Brandon. They’d gone to the mall, hung out in front of the TV, all things that Katie knew weren’t wrong. But the web of lies she’d told about her life at home had been.

She’d made up stories about super-strict parents and baby sisters so Holly and Brandon would stop asking to visit her house. She’d held Brandon’s hand and let him speak to her about proms and dances and college visits—just as if she would one day do all those things.

With a rush of heat, she remembered the feel of Brandon’s arms around her, the way his lips had felt against her own when they’d kissed for the first time. The way he’d looked at her, like he really liked her. Like she was special.

Her parents thought they knew most of what she’d done. That was why they’d been so confused about her decision to join the church as quickly as possible. But they didn’t know everything.

They couldn’t.

If they did, they’d never look at her the same, and Katie wouldn’t be able to hold her head up in their community. Good people didn’t do the things she’d done. Most important, good Christians didn’t tell lie after lie to people who cared about them.

Did they?

Despair filtered through her once again. How could this all have happened, anyway? She’d prayed to God to help her move on with her life. Why hadn’t He listened? Why had He encouraged Holly to contact her?

Katie wanted to tear up the paper. She wanted to burn it and turn it to ashes. To pretend it had never arrived.

That is what she would do. It was her only option. She couldn’t visit the Brown Dog now, even if she’d been inclined. She was no longer a dreamy girl who was a tad bit rebellious. She was a responsible woman now. Moreover, there was a chance she was finally about to get to know Jonathan better. That couldn’t be ignored.

But what would happen if she didn’t go? Most likely nothing. Holly might be angry, but she surely wouldn’t care if she never saw Katie again. Yes, that was the right thing to do. Keep the past in the past, where it belonged. Where she wouldn’t have to think about it.

Where she could pretend it had never really happened.

“Katie, there you are, Daughter.”

With a start, Katie noticed her mother standing in her doorway. She scrambled to a sitting position. “Mamm.”

“Haven’t you heard me? I’ve been calling for you time and again.”

“I’m sorry.” After stuffing the letter and envelope under a pillow behind her, Katie stood up. “What do you need?”