Wanted(19)

“Love, side by side. Was that how love was with you and Daed?”

To Katie’s amazement, her parents shared a warm smile. “I don’t know how our hearts became joined. Your father and I felt love and companionship. He made me feel peaceful and whole.”

Katie thought of Jonathan. Thought of how her heart jumped whenever he was near. Truly, she never felt “peace” in his presence. No, it was more like a jumpy, nervous pounding in her heart, where every sense was on alert. Was that how she was supposed to feel? Or was there something different between them? Something more fanciful and dreamy? Fake.

Patting Katie’s hand, her mother murmured, “Please pray on this, Katie. Take out what everyone else wants, and pray on the Lord’s guidance. Then you’ll know.”

“I’ll know.” Her smile was brave. Inside, though, she was breaking.

Katie feared she’d never know what God wished her to do. Would never know what the Lord wanted.

Or worse, Katie feared that she would be unable to do what He asked. Deep dread filled her once again. If she couldn’t carry out the Lord’s will, what would she do then?

More important, what kind of person would she be then?





Chapter 5




“Henry, I just don’t know if I’ll ever be as good an Amish wife as you deserve,” Anna Metzger said as she entered his workshop in the barn.

He chuckled but didn’t look up from the bridle he was oiling. “Anna, the things you say. What brought this on?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” It had been a particularly trying day. It was bitterly cold, she was tired, and in a burst of selfish temper, she had told Katie that she wished she were back home, tucked in an electric blanket, watching TV.

Needless to say, that remark hadn’t gone over very well.

But she couldn’t share that with Henry, so she just shrugged, her eyes still on him, willing him to look up and say something to make her feel better.

Instead of talking, he held out a hand. The gesture was perfect, so Henrylike. Eager for a reassuring hug, she approached, but somehow managed to trip over one of Roman’s toys. Henry reached for her just as she’d held out her hands to stop her fall. “Anna, are you all right?”

Her ankle did throb, but not enough to complain about. Unfortunately, though, tears still threatened to spill. It had been that kind of day. “I’m fine. Just embarrassed.”

After settling her in his seat, Henry stood up and rubbed her shoulders. For a second, Anna thought he was going to cuddle her close. But, like always, his inner resolve and obedience shone through. Instead, he leaned forward, looked into her eyes, and gently smoothed back a lock of her blond hair into the confines of her kapp. When he spied her tears, he murmured, “Do you have a headache, liewe Anna?”

Liewe Anna. Dear Anna. A little flutter raced across her heart at the sweet words. Since he knew about her occasional migraines, she sought to put him at ease. “No. It’s just been a long day.”

Stepping a few inches away, he took her hands. “What happened?”

“Everything and nothing. I messed up a few things and spoke harshly to Katie. And, well, I hadn’t seen you in hours.”

Dawning understanding lit his eyes, along with a fair amount of humor. “I see.”

Oops. Henry really did see. She’d come in for his attention, which she missed very much. It was hard to find time alone with him, even though they were almost a courting couple.

And though Katie warned her that it was not the Amish way to speak of such things, Anna knew that she longed to be in Henry’s arms and perhaps steal a kiss or two. Before she could stop herself, she laid her head on his shoulder. Instead of moving away, Henry curved his arms around her back. “I’ve missed you too, Anna,” he murmured, pressing his lips to her temple.

If Anna didn’t know better, she would have guessed that Henry was very wise in the ways of the world. Very wise in relationships and the silliness and insecurities of women. That was disconcerting. But at the moment, it was comforting, too. After hugging him tightly, she pulled away. It wouldn’t do for his father to come in and see them hugging. “I guess I should go now.”

“Because?”

“I don’t want to disturb you.”

“You are not disturbing me.” Ah, but a shadow fell away from his eyes. Something bright and playful took its place. Perhaps he wasn’t immune to her, either? “Did you have another bout with the laundry?”

Anna was sure she would never like doing laundry. She hadn’t even liked washing clothes when she’d had every modern convenience at her disposal. Now doing much of it by hand was particularly difficult. She’d found pinning garments to clotheslines especially challenging—at least once a week a pair of pants, a dress, or a quilt would fly off the line, get soiled, and need to be washed again. “No. I just seem to do something wrong every day.” She pointed to her ankle. “I mean, come on, who else trips over dog toys and stumbles in her skirts?