Ugly(113)

We stand embracing for a few moments, then he pushes me away and looks down at his feet. “I’m tired, Lily. I need to go to sleep. And by the way, we’re having pancakes in the morning. I’ve been known to make the best mancakes in the world.”

“Huh,” I tease. “And who has said these mancakes are the best?” I air quote.

“Gee, that one’s easy. I say they are.” We both smile, and silence fills the room.

“Goodnight, Max. Thank you for being here. I really needed everything you’ve done for me tonight. From the food, to just your company. I’ll bring you a pillow and some blankets.” I walk toward the hallway closet and take down a few blankets and a pillow. “Here you go.” I take them out to the family room.

“Goodnight, Lily. Sweet dreams.”

I forgo having a shower tonight, I’m just too drained to even try and stay awake long enough to have one. I strip and get in my pajamas and crawl into bed.

Sleep is incredibly welcoming. And so are Wade, Mom and Dad.



The sweet smell of pancakes makes my tummy grumble and wakes me from my sleep. I stretch in bed and smile because I know I have a friend who cares about me in the kitchen, making me pancakes, and waiting for me to get up.

Last night I went through the emotional wringer. The burden of it all still sits lodged in my chest, but it feels as if it has become lighter. It’s as if I’m finally able to breathe without having my lungs completely constricted. It may be months, years, or even decades before I’ll be able to let anyone into my heart again.

As I lie in bed, looking up at the stark white ceiling, I make a decision to start divorce proceedings at the beginning of next year. I can’t stay married to Trent. I need to sever all ties with him, including the one we made when we married.

I drag myself out of bed, and go brush my teeth before heading out to the kitchen where the aroma of hot pancakes is strong and tempting. “Good morning, and Merry Christmas,” I say to Max who’s flipping a pancake.

He turns, smiling, and when he sees me, his mouth falls open in a gape and his eyes pop out of his head. “Oh my God,” he says staring at me.

I’m still in my pajamas, and my hair’s a mess. I cross my arms in front of my chest and back away from the kitchen. “I’m so sorry. I must look a mess,” I quickly say as I turn away.

“No don’t go,” he calls after me. Turning back, I give Max a questioning look. “I’m sorry, you just, took my breath away. You’re simply so beautiful.”

I beam at his complement, and ordinarily it would be difficult for me to even accept it, let alone hear it. But with Max, I know he means it. He turns back and continues making the rest of the pancakes. “If madam would care to take a seat, I have prepared for her a hot chocolate, and I even found the marshmallows, so it has extra. And I shall serve you your breakfast.” He puts on this very rich and fancy accent.

“Why thank you, kind sir,” I say, as I sit at the kitchen counter, watching Max.

He’s humming to himself, and of course he starts singing, “Jingle Bells”, followed by “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”. “Your breakfast, madam,” he carries on with the pretentious accent and places a stack of pancakes in front of me, and one beside me for himself. He then brings over my hot chocolate. “Enjoy,” he says and bows.

He’s so silly, but he makes me happy. “Thank you.”

He sits beside me, leans over and kisses my temple. “Merry Christmas, Lily.” He starts to eat.

Once we’ve finished with breakfast, I go into my room and get his present. He’s cleaning the kitchen, and stacking the plates in the dishwasher. “I can do that,” I say as I place the present on the counter and go to help him.

“Go away, I’m doing it,” he playfully snaps. He eyes the present then looks back at me. “What’s that?” He jerks his chin out toward the innocent package sitting on the counter.

“Well, there’s this guy I know. He’s kinda cool, and I thought I’d like to give him a Christmas present,” I tease.

“Huh. A guy you know, you say?”

“Yep. Wanna come with me later to give it to him?”

He jokingly flicks water at me. “I think it’s for me.”

I gasp at him, and bring my hand up to my chest in a mock shocked look. “What? Why would I do that?”

He wipes his hands on a tea towel, then taps me on the nose. “Because I’m your friend. But hang on.” He darts out of the room and comes back with an envelope. “If I take that.” He points to the present I’ve got for him. “Then you need to take this.” He holds out a plain white envelope.