Ugly(112)
I nod, understanding what he’s saying. “You’re right.” I look away from his intense brown eyes, because I can see anger brewing behind his irises. “He was drinking more, and he started to neglect things, like food.”
“He was an alcoholic.”
“A functioning alcoholic. Went to work, then came home and drank into oblivion. Actually…” I half chuckle a humorless laugh. “Sometimes he didn’t come home at all. I was left to eat whatever was in the house. Sometimes I’d go a couple of days, sometimes less or more.”
“How did social services, or the school never identify a problem?”
“Because I learned how to get to school, and how to get home. I worked hard and I studied. I got so used to being hungry, I was eventually able to put it behind me and just concentrate on school.”
“Jesus, Lily. I just don’t get how no one noticed.”
“Because I was able to hide. Not literally, but I blended into the walls, I suppose I fell through the cracks. I never complained; I never told anyone. Until Shayne, who I met at my first job, I never even had a friend.”
Max slumps his shoulders and drops his fork onto the plate. “I’m speechless, but I’m also shocked how not one person took the time to get to know you.”
“I never wanted anyone to know, so I put a barrier up, and I hid behind it.”
“And this is all from when your Mom died?”
“No, it was before that, but I can’t say how much before her death this started. You know, if you get told enough times how ugly, stupid and useless you are, you tend to believe it.”
Max picks his fork up and pushes his food around on his plate. “But it’s not true.”
I shake my head, and look to the drops dripping out of the faucet in the kitchen sink. It’s something other than Max to focus on. I shrug my shoulders and feel myself choking on tears. “That’s open for interpretation.”
“You’ve never had a normal functioning, and healthy relationship. Until now with Shayne and Liam, and me.”
I eat the last few bites of my omelet and then look at Max. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand what love is. Or even have a bond beyond a friendship. I’ve been ruined. I’ve been shattered, and I doubt all my pieces are even findable, much less mendable.”
“That’s not true, Lily. It’s simply not true. You really are…hang on, wait.” He darts out of the room and comes back with the small Christmas bag. “Here,” he says as he gives me the bag.
“Christmas isn’t until tomorrow. And besides, you shouldn’t be spending your money on me.”
“I’ll do as I like with my money. Besides, I’m sure you bought me something, too.” I try desperately to remain impassive, but the huge smile on my face proves him right. “Aha, see.” He points at me, and playfully taps me on the nose. “Please open it, but open the card first.”
“Thank you, I love it,” I say as I look at the gold little gift bag.
“You don’t know what it is yet. You might hate it.”
“No chance. Up until I left him, I never got anything unless it came with a condition, or it was actually what the giver wanted. So, thank you, I love it,” I reiterate, as I slip the back of the envelope open and slide the card out. I look at the card, and it’s a handmade gold card with one beautiful and perfect snowflake.
I open it and the inscription says, “To my Snowflake, I wish you a Merry Christmas, and look forward to more. Max.”
“Snowflake?” I ask in curiosity. He nods his head and his smile shines so bright. “I don’t understand?”
“You’re the most unique, beautiful and interesting person I know. And just as there’s no two snowflakes alike, there’s never going to be another Lily. Not to me. Not now, not ever.”
“But, I’m only half a snowflake, I’ll never be whole; I’ll never be perfect.”
“I won’t believe that, Lily. Never. You may be damaged now, and I say damaged not broken, because you are choosing how you want to live. And if you were broken, you’d give up on life, so you’re not broken.”
Wow, how intense has the air become? “Thank you,” I say and then pick up the small box and unwrap it. When I open it there’s a gorgeous, delicate, gold bracelet with a single, small snowflake charm. “Max,” I exclaim with happiness. “It’s so beautiful! Thank you. Please help me put it on.” I take it out, and Max clips the clasps together.
“You’re welcome, Lily.”
I stand for a moment admiring the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It’s subtle yet stunning. And I can’t wipe the smile off my face. “Thank you,” I say again as I throw my arms around Max and hug him.