Thoughtful(213)

Usually, after this song ended, I signaled Evan to start the next one. This song was so emotional for me that on rare occasions, I needed a minute to collect myself. Evan knew to wait for my signal. I couldn’t turn away though. I couldn’t do anything but stare at Kiera. Was this real? Would she vanish if I moved?

An uneasy silence filled the bar as Kiera and I stared at each other. I heard people start to shift, cough, and whisper, but I still couldn’t move. From the corner of my eye, I saw Matt approaching me. With a light tap on my arm, he whispered, “Kellan, snap out of it. We need to start the next song.” I still couldn’t move. Every molecule in my body was attuned to Kiera. God, she’s so beautiful.

Evan’s voice disrupted the quiet. “Hey, everybody. We’re gonna take a breather. Until then…Griffin’s buying a round for everyone!”

Cheers broke out, as well as laughter. I didn’t care about either response from the bar, because I was finally beginning to accept the fact that the Kiera in front of me wasn’t a mirage, hallucination, or figment of my imagination. She really was here.

The crowd around Kiera started to thin out, but I stayed where I was on the stage. I felt safe up there. Jumping down to Kiera’s level…could kill me. Why is she here?

Kiera stepped forward, momentarily breaking her hold on me. Now that I was able to move, I looked away from her, out over the thinning crowds. I could turn around and leave the bar right now. But…what was she doing here? And why now, after all this time? I was just starting to…well, I wasn’t sure if I was feeling any better, but at least I wasn’t getting any worse. If I went down there and talked to her…what would happen to me? What would happen if I didn’t though? Nothing. Nothing would happen, and we would both continue on, and I would never really heal, never really let go. I’d just continue…getting by.

My decision made, I looked down, sniffed in a quick breath, then lowered myself to the floor. I had to at least know why she was here. Leaving without knowing would tear me apart.

I stepped as close to her as I dared. Our fingers touched and I inhaled a sharp breath; the fire was still there. Being near her was still as electrifying as it had always been. She had tears in her eyes and tears down her cheeks. Unable to resist, I reached up and stroked a bead of moisture away with my knuckle. Her skin was just as soft as I remembered.

Kiera closed her eyes and a sob escaped her. With her puffy, tired eyes, unruly hair, and worn expression, it was clear that she’d been battling the same depression as me; she was a wreck too. It gave me a small amount of comfort that she was. I wasn’t the only one having a hard time with this. How much of her sadness was for me though, and how much was for Denny? After all, she’d picked him in the end, and he’d left her too.

Cupping her cheek, I stepped into her until our bodies were touching. I hadn’t meant to, but somehow, my body shifted into autopilot around Kiera; being as close as possible was a subconscious action. Her hand came up to rest upon my chest, and I wondered if she could feel my pounding heart. I have missed you so much.

The dispersing crowd had started re-forming once I’d dropped down into the mix. Kiera was jostled by a couple of the more eager girls, and I put an arm around her. Thinking we needed to be somewhere a little more private, I started leading her away. One of the drunker fans rushed right up to me and grabbed my face like she was going to plant a big one on me. I didn’t let my fans molest me anymore, so, leaning back, I removed her hands from my skin. Then I shoved her away from me. I generally was a bit more polite when I disengaged from aggressive fans, but I was in the middle of something potentially life-changing here, and I wasn’t in the mood to be subtle.

Kiera looked up at me with shock clear on her face. I’d never done anything like that around her before. I did that for you, because I still love you, and honestly, I still want to be with you.

Kiera’s hand snaked out. For a second, I thought she was going to hit me, but her fingers closed around the wrist of the woman I’d just pushed. Kiera had just saved me from being smacked. That was new.

The fan’s face went from shocked to embarrassed, and she scuttled off without a comment. I laughed as I met eyes with Kiera. “No one gets to smack me but you?” I asked, feeling lighter than I had in a long time.

“Damn straight,” she said, smiling and blushing at the same time. I had to shake my head at her. She was still so damn adorable. Her expression changed as she watched me, and in a serious voice, she asked, “Can we go somewhere without so many…admirers?”