Thoughtful(207)

While I waited, I ran through a list of things that I could say to him. But really, the only thing left to say was goodbye. And maybe that was all that needed to be said.

As dawn approached, the airport grew busier and busier. I was sitting in my chair, staring at my cast, when I felt eyes on me. Either airport security was finally going to ask me to buy a ticket somewhere or leave, or Denny was here. When I raised my eyes, it was Kiera who was staring at me though. Seeing her after all this time was like a sledgehammer to the stomach, and I instinctually avoided looking directly at her face. Looking at her would be like staring into the sun; I’d be burned, blinded by her beauty.

Standing, I kept my gaze focused solely on Denny. He was the one I was here for anyway. Out of the corner of my eye, I still noticed Kiera though. Even though I couldn’t see her well, she filled my mind, and my head was screaming at me to fully look at her. A glimpse is not enough.

Silencing the desperate voice in my head, I bored holes into Denny instead. I wasn’t here for her. I didn’t need to see how green her eyes were today, how plump her lips were. I didn’t need to look at the curve of her jeans as they hugged her body, or the cut of her sweater. I didn’t need to see any of it. And I didn’t have to. My brain could easily supply the missing information. She was picture-perfect in my head, and my chest burned around my new tattoo. My armor, my homage…my shout of devotion to the only person I would ever love.

Denny’s dark eyes were wide with surprise. I was clearly the last person he’d expected to see here. I noticed him clench Kiera’s hand tight, in an almost possessive way, before completely dropping it. Kiera didn’t belong to either of us.

Not sure what he would do, I stuck my hand out when he was standing in front of me. Would he accept my token of friendship, or completely reject me? I honestly had no idea. After a moment of careful consideration, Denny grasped my hand. I was shocked, and I felt like a small bridge had been put in place between us with that one gesture. Maybe there was hope for our friendship after all.

I couldn’t contain my happiness, and a brief smile lit my face. “Denny…man, I’m…” The joy faded as an apology faltered on my lips. I was so sick of saying “sorry.” That word wasn’t big enough for what I’d done.

Denny dropped my hand. “Yeah…I know, Kellan. That doesn’t mean we’re okay…but I know.”

His voice was tight, and I knew he was still upset, but he was being a bigger man. That was Denny. Always willing to turn the other cheek. “If you ever need anything…I’m…I’m here.” Even as I said the words, they sounded stupid to me. What could I possibly do for him? But I meant it, and I needed to say it.

Denny’s jaw tightened. Anger, jealousy, and sadness rushed over his face, all at the same time. With a sigh, he looked away from me. “You’ve done enough, Kellan.”

I couldn’t tell where his emotions had ended up, and his statement could be construed in a few different ways, but knowing what I knew about him, I chose to believe that he’d meant that in a positive way. That he was thanking me, in the only way he could, since saying the actual words would be too much of an absolution of my sins.

With emotion threatening to tighten my throat and cloud my eyes, I clapped Denny on the shoulder. “Take care…mate.” I wasn’t sure if that’s what I was to him anymore, but he would always be that to me. He would always have my friendship.

Surprising me again, Denny returned my gesture and my sentiment. His ability to forgive astounded me. “You too…mate.”

Feeling good about coming here and saying goodbye to Denny, I pulled him in for a quick hug, then swiftly turned and left. I didn’t want to cave and acknowledge Kiera. I didn’t want to open that wound, and I didn’t want to deviate from the point of this moment. Denny was the one I’d needed to talk to today. Kiera…well, I’d already said everything I needed to at the hospital. There was nothing left to say there. We were done.

Even still, I couldn’t stop myself from one last look at her before the crowd completely separated us. She was watching me too, and for a few brief seconds, our eyes locked. It had been a long time since I’d looked her directly in the eye. It made a surge of pain rip through me, like I was holding on to an electric fence. It made me feel weak, and I was certain I would fall to the floor any second. Or, more accurately, I was going to run over and scoop her into my arms. I couldn’t though, so even though my soul protested leaving, I turned away from her and let the crowd swallow me whole.