The Sunset Limited(19)

Black Man.

White So. Do you want to take a look at that train schedule again?

Black And they aint nothin to be done about it.

White No. The efforts that people undertake to improve the world invariably make it worse. I used to think there were exceptions to that dictum. I dont think that now.





The black sits back, looking down at the table. He shakes his head slightly.





White What else do you want to talk about?

Black I dont know. Them sounds to me like the words of a man on his way to the train station.

White They are those words.

Black What do you think about that man?

White I’m like you. I dont. I used to. Now I dont. I think about minimalizing pain. That is my life. I dont know why it isnt everyone’s.

Black You dont think gettin run over by a train might smart just a little?

White No. I did the calculations. At seventy miles an hour the train is outrunning the neurons. It should be totally painless.

Black I’m goin to be stuck with your ass for a while, aint I?

White I hope not.

Black If this aint the life you had in mind, what was?

White I dont know. Not this. Is your life the one you’d planned?

Black No, it aint. I got what I needed instead of what I wanted and that’s just about the best kind of luck you can have.

White Yes. Well.

Black You cant compare your life to mine, can you?

White In all honesty, no. I cant.

Black Mm.

White I’m sorry. I should go.

Black You dont have to go.

White I’ve offended you.

Black I got a thicker hide than that, Professor. Just stay. You aint hurt my feelins.

White I know you think that I should be thankful and I’m sorry not to be.

Black Now Professor, I dont think no such a thing.

White I should go.

Black I’m diggin a dry hole here, aint I?

White I admire your persistence.

Black What can I do to get you to stay a bit?

White Why? Are you hoping that if I stay long enough God might speak to me?

Black No, I’m hopin he might speak to me.

White I know you think I at least owe you a little more of my time. I know I’m ungrateful. But ingratitude is not the sin to a spiritual bankrupt that it is to a man of God.

Black You dont owe me nothin, Professor.

White Do you really think that?

Black Yes. I really do.

White Well. You’re very kind. I wish there was something I could do to repay you but there isnt. So why dont we just say goodbye and you can get on with your life.

Black I cant.

White You cant?

Black No.

White What do you want me to do?

Black I dont know. Suppose you could wake up tomorrow and you wouldnt be wantin to jump in front of no train. Suppose all you had to do was ask. Would you do it?

White It would depend on what I had to give up.

Black I started to write that down and put it in my pocket.

White What is it that you think I’m holding on to? What is it that the terminal commuter cherishes that he would die for?

Black I dont know. I dont know.

White No.

Black You dont want to talk to me no more, do you?

White I thought you had a thick skin.

Black It’s pretty thick. It aint hide to the bone.

White Why do you think it? Why do you think there is something?

Black I dont know. It just seems to me that a man that cant wait for a train to run over him has got to have somethin on his mind. Most folks would settle for maybe just a slap up the side of the head. You say you dont care about nothin but I dont believe that. I dont believe that death is ever about nothin. You asked me what I thought it was you was holdin on to and I got to say I dont know. Or maybe I just dont have the words to say it. And maybe you know but you aint sayin. But I believe that when you took your celebrated leap you was holdin on to it and takin it with you. Holdin on for grim death. I look for the words, Professor. I look for the words because I believe that the words is the way to your heart.

White You think that anyone in my position is automatically blind to the workings of his own psyche.

Black I think that anybody in your position is automatically blind. But that aint the whole story. Because we still talkin bout the rest of them third railers and them takin one train and you takin another.

White I didnt say that.

Black Sure you did. They got a train for all them dumb-ass crackers that just feels bad and then they got this other train for you cause your pain and the world’s pain is the same pain and this train requires a observation car and a diner.

White Well. You can think what you want. You dont need my agreement.

Black I know. But that aint the way to the trick bag.

White Well. The trick bag seems to have shaped itself up into some sort of communal misery wherein one finds salvation by consorting among the loathsome.

Black Damn, Professor. You puttin me in the bag. Where you come up with stuff like that?

White It was phrased especially for you. For your enjoyment. You see what a whore I am?