The Sunset Limited(16)

Black Aint goin tell you.

White Why not?

Black Cause you’d jump up and run out the door hollerin.

White It must be pretty bad.

Black It is pretty bad. That’s why I aint tellin you.

White Now I’m afraid to ask.

Black No you aint.

White Have you ever told anyone?

Black Oh yeah. It wouldnt leave me alone. The soul might be silent but the servant of the soul has always got a voice and it has got one for a reason. The life of the master depends on the servant and this is one master that has got to be sustained. Got to be sustained.

White Who did you tell it to?

Black I told it to a man of God who was my friend.

White What did he say?

Black He didnt say a word.

White But you’re not curious about the worst thing I ever did.

Black Yeah I am.

White But you wont ask me what it is.

Black Dont have to.

White Why is that?

Black Cause I was there and I seen it.

White Well, I might have a different view.

Black Yeah. You might. You want some more?

White No. I’m stuffed.

Black Hungrier than you thought.

White Yes. I was.

Black Good.

White Is this some kind of a test of your faith?

Black What, you?

White Me. Yes.

Black Naw, Professor. It aint my faith you testin.

White You see everything in black and white.

Black It is black and white.

White I suppose that makes the world easier to understand.

Black You might be surprised about how little time I spend trying to understand the world.

White You try to understand God.

Black No I dont. I just try and understand what he wants from me.

White And that is everything you need.

Black If God aint everthing you need you in a world of trouble. And if what you sayin is that my view of the world is a narrow one I dont disagree with that. Of course I could point out that I aint down on the platform in my leapin costume.

White You could.

Black A lot of things is beyond my understandin. I know that. I say it again. If it aint in this book then they’s a good chance that I dont know it. Before I started readin the bible I was pretty much in that primacy thing myself.

White Primacy thing.

Black Yeah. Not as bad as you. But pretty bad. I was pretty dumb, but I wasnt dumb enough to believe that what had got me nowheres in forty years was all of a sudden goin to get me somewheres. I was dumb, but I wasnt that dumb. I seen what was there for the askin, and I decided to ask. And that’s all I done. And it was hard. I’ll tell you right now, Professor, it was hard. I was layin there all cut up and chained to that hospital bed and I was cryin I hurt so bad and I thought they’d kill me if I did live and I tried to say it and tried to say it and after a while I just quit. I put all of that away from me. And I just said it. I said: Please help me. And he did.





They sit.





Black Long silence.

White It’s just a silence.

Black Well. That’s my story, Professor. It’s easy told. I dont make a move without Jesus. When I get up in the mornin I just try to get ahold of his belt. Oh, ever once in a while I’ll catch myself slippin into manual override. But I catch myself. I catch myself.

White Manual overrider.

Black You like that?

White It’s okay.

Black I thought it was pretty good.

White So you come to the end of your rope and you admit defeat and you are in despair and in this state you seize upon this whatever it is that has neither substance nor sense and you grab hold of it and hang on for dear life. Is that a fair portrayal?

Black Well, that could be one way to say it.

White It doesnt make any sense.

Black Well, I thought when we was talkin earlier I heard you to say they wasnt none of it made no sense. Talkin bout the history of the world and all such as that.

White It doesnt. On a larger scale. But what you’re telling me isnt a view of things. It’s a view of one thing. And I find it nonsensical.

Black What would you do if Jesus was to speak to you?

White Why? Do you imagine that he might?

Black No. I dont. But I dont know.

White I’m not virtuous enough.

Black No, Professor, it aint nothin like that. You dont have to be virtuous. You just has to be quiet. I cant speak for the Lord but the experience I’ve had leads me to believe that he’ll speak to anybody that’ll listen. You damn sure aint got to be virtuous.

White Well if I heard God talking to me, then I’d be ready for you to take me up to Bellevue. As you suggested.

Black What if what he said made sense?

White It wouldnt make any difference. Craziness is craziness.

Black Dont make no difference if it makes sense.

White No.

Black Mm. Well, that’s about as bad a case of the primacy as I ever heard.

White Well. I’ve always gone my own way. Ich kann nicht anders.

Black What is that you talkin?

White It’s german.