The Struggle(57)

Her eyes squeezed shut, and I barely had a wisp of restraint left. Outside, there was a flash of intense white light and then thunder boomed. Her eyes flew open. “You mean, was I . . . raped? No,” she said, fingers twisting the blanket. “Hyperion . . . he threatened it, but he didn’t—didn’t get the chance. For the most part, he was disgusted by me.”

I didn’t feel much relief. Some rapists didn’t have to like or even be attracted to someone to rape them. It wasn’t about any of that, and all I could hope was that Josie wasn’t hiding something. It was obvious he’d found other ways to torture her and he had, but some of my violent anger cooled. There’d be no storm outside. “There is a lot we need to talk about.”

Josie stared at me a moment and then her gaze flickered around the room. “I . . . I don’t know what is happening.” She swallowed hard. “When I woke up earlier, I was confused and . . . I just don’t know what is happening.”

All I wanted to do was gather her into my arms, but she didn’t sound right. There was something missing from her voice and she had the look of a cornered, confused animal. I had the suspicion she needed some space right now. Probably would be wise of me to sit in one of the numerous chairs in the room, but I couldn’t make myself move.

So I sat very still. “I’ll fill in as many blanks as I can for you, but I have Basil grabbing some food for you. He’ll be coming up here shortly. I want you to eat this time.”

Her brows rose. “Basil? Like the plant?”

I smiled faintly. “Basil means kingly in Greek. He’s a half and a servant here.”

She blinked slowly. “You have half-blood servants here?”

“Yes, but it’s not what you think. When I first got here, I told them all to leave. They didn’t listen,” I explained, wanting her to understand. “None of them are on the elixir. They are all here out of free will.”

Confusion increased in her brilliant blue gaze. “But why would you have servants?”

“That’s kind of a convoluted story that I will tell you, but there is something more important I need to say.”

She shifted and winced.

“You okay?”

Josie nodded. “I’m just . . . sore.” She seemed to war with herself and then lifted her gaze to mine. “I’m guessing Hyperion is still alive.”

“Not for long,” I promised, one I fully intended to keep.

“Then how am I here and not there, in that—?” She trailed off with a sharp breath. “I’m so confused.”

Gods. She’d been through a lot, too much. I started to rise. “This can actually wait. I don’t—”

“No.” One cool hand wrapped around my wrist in a surprisingly strong grip. I looked down at her. “I’m fine. You can talk.”

My gaze held hers and then dropped to the bracelet around her slender wrist. Reaching down, I lifted her hand to my mouth. I kissed her palm.

Josie’s breath caught and then she pulled her hand free, folding her fingers around the blanket once more. “You . . . you really need to start talking.”

“I do.” I took a deep breath, inexplicably nervous. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so much anxiety. Actually, I could. It was the last time my mother held a party here. I’d wanted to hide, because I knew she was going to pull me out, do the dog and pony show, pretending to actually care, pretending to be proud. Everyone would stare at me, afraid but curious.

“Seth?”

Shaking my head, I focused on her and said, “I know I said this before, but I have to say it again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you in Malibu.”

Several moments passed, and I began to fear that she wouldn’t say anything. “Why?” she whispered. “Why did you leave me after . . . after everything we’ve shared?”

“I thought I was protecting you from what . . . what I’ve become,” I explained. “I fed off you without you knowing. I saw how horrified and disgusted you were, and you had every right to be.”

“I was shocked,” she said, lifting one hand to brush back her damp hair. “And yes, I was . . . I was pissed. What you did was wrong, but we could’ve worked through that. You didn’t give us a chance.”

“I know,” I agreed, leaning toward her. “I know I didn’t give us a chance, but I thought I was doing the right thing. Especially after Atlas, and what I’ve become.”

“The God Killer?” she asked.

I nodded. “When I came to and realized what I was, it . . . Fuck, it freaked me out, Josie. I didn’t know what I was capable of or what I was going to do. That’s no excuse. I get it. But I freaked out, and I have never, Josie, never been more sorry about anything I’ve ever done. Anything.”