The Struggle(60)

Walking back to the bed, he sat beside me. Unscrewing the lid, he offered the open bottle of water. I took it. “There was this . . . this voice inside me when I became the God Killer, guiding what I was doing. I know that sounds crazy, but that was how it felt. Like everything inside me had been building to that moment or leading me to that moment.” He paused, frowning. “You need to drink, Josie.”

In a daze, I took a decent gulp of water.

Appearing to be satisfied, he said, “You know, now that I think about it, I wonder if Ares knew the truth. He wanted me to become the God Killer. Through me, he sought to control the other gods, but I . . . I cannot be controlled.”

My eyes widened, because he said that without an ounce of arrogance. It was just a statement of fact. A truth bomb delicately detonated. Seth couldn’t be controlled now.

“I guess he didn’t realize what I would become once I was the God Killer.” The muscles in his shoulders tensed as he shrugged. “Who knows, though? Anyway, I didn’t understand fully what was happening. That’s why I left, and I know that’s not a good enough excuse for leaving you. It will never be, but I was . . . I was afraid that I would hurt you. That I wouldn’t be able to control myself.”

Hearing him admit that he was afraid was always a shock, because Seth didn’t seem scared of anything.

I took another drink of water.

“Do you remember the nymphs that had helped us outside of your grandparents’ house? One of them has been around on and off. His name is Ewan. He rarely makes any sense.” A wry grin appeared on his lips. “But he was the first to tell me I was not just a God Killer, but a god.”

I almost choked on the water. “What?”

“A god,” he repeated, his amber gaze latching onto mine. “I’m a god, Josie, and I’m not saying that to be funny.”

Shock rendered me speechless as I stared at him. Part of me wanted to laugh, because it sounded legit crazy, but I was a demigod and that had also sounded crazy at first.

“I didn’t believe it at first. Even when I could do things I hadn’t been able to do before, it still sounded ridiculous to me.” Seth shifted closer, catching a strand of my hair. His fingertips brushed along the curve of my cheek as he tucked it back behind my ear, causing me to shiver. “But it is true. Somehow, and for some reason, this was what I was always meant to be. The Appointed God. The God of Life and Death.” He laughed at that as he lowered his hand. “There’s even a temple here.”

I blinked. “A temple? For you?”

He grinned. “For me.”

“Holy crap,” I whispered, and that was the best I could come up with. Seth was a god—a god that was worshipped.

“The woman you saw me with outside? She is the high priestess. There are several priests and priestesses here.”

At the mention of the woman, I tensed. “And they do what? Service you?”

His eyes flashed. “Not in the manner in which you’re insinuating.”

“I’m not insinuating anything.”

One brow rose. “The whole ‘being a god’ thing actually ties into the whole ‘you seeing me outside with Karina and feeding’ thing.”

The plastic bottle crinkled as my fingers tightened around it. Honestly, I hadn’t fully processed Seth being an actual god, but the shock was wearing off. I knew deep down I wasn’t going to be happy with what he was about to say.

“I’m not making this up to justify anything, because it sounds like something an addict would say, but I . . . I have to feed,” he explained quietly, his gaze never wavering from mine. “It’s how the gods are gods. For them, when they’re on Olympus or in the Underworld, they are surrounded by aether. It’s how their powers are fueled. And it’s why I’ve always been drawn to it.”

“That makes sense,” I said after a moment. “That’s why the Titans were feeding—”

“I’ll never do that to you,” he responded urgently. “I would never force you to go through that.” His gaze dropped to my arm and then to my wrist. The sleeves of the robe had fallen back, and I suddenly wanted to shove both arms under the blanket. “Feeding is not like it used to be for me. None of it is the same. Beforehand, I got . . . I got buzzed off it, but now . . .” He shook his head. “It’s like breathing air. If I don’t do it after a while, I need to. It doesn’t get me wired up or high. It’s just the way it is.”

I glanced down at the half-empty bottle I held. Taking another drink, I then leaned over and placed the bottle on the nightstand. “It didn’t hurt when you did it before. I didn’t even know that you’d done it. It was nothing like . . . nothing like what Hyperion and Cronus did.”