The Stillness Of You(21)

My scowl deepened. I hated that my sister hit the nail right on the   head. I knew nothing. Fuck, I didn't even know who this Seamus guy was   and she was seeing him today. I tried to talk her into coming with me to   the airport. I said after Eden's flight left I'd take her anywhere she   wanted to go. To the beach. Golfing. A bar. Anything.

She laughed. Said she couldn't and told me not to worry. Seamus was just a friend. And besides, she'd just be in the way.

"I know this is serious for you, Ben. I see it. Shit, you can't keep   your eyes off of her. But with Georgia … " she shrugged. "Unless she's   willing to share everything with you, I don't see this working out.   You're not the kind of guy who does things half way. You never have   been."

"Eden."

"No, I'm serious, Ben. Be careful. She's different from any of the other   girls you've dated. I've spent the last week at your place and she's   been there every day and I don't feel I know her any better than I did   the first day I met her."

"Maybe she doesn't like you."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Maybe, but that doesn't change anything."

"Eden. Fuck, what are you trying to say?" Irritated, I scowled at her. "She's the coolest girl I've ever met."

"I know she is and that's why I want you to promise me you'll be careful   with her. You're not used to meeting anyone who's cooler than you.  This  is a first." Eden bent forward and kissed my cheek, yanking the  top of  my Cubs cap until it bent low over my eyes. "I love you dick  head."

And then she was gone.

I took a moment and thought about what she'd said and even though it   rubbed me the wrong way, Eden was right. But she was also wrong.

I'd been paying it cool, watching Georgia from the sidelines all   week-busy with the landscapers, the roof guys, the window guys. My older   sister had flown in for two days and Matt had come out to see the   place, as well.

We ran together every morning but Eden joined us too.

So the more I thought about it, I decided that my sister was being a   little unfair. There had been no time to get to know Georgia. Not   really. The few times I'd been able to get her alone we'd made out like a   couple of horny teenagers-Christ the girl could kiss-and kissing  didn't  lead to conversation.

It led to heavy petting. And a fuck-load of cold showers.

I began to move through the airport and once I was inside my truck   pulled out my cell phone. I was going to send Georgia a text but then   thought, fuck it, and called her instead. I was done keeping my   distance.

Done waiting.

I wanted to know everything about this girl and I was going to start   digging in tonight. Eden was gone, I had my place to myself and there   were no distractions. No excuses. It was game on.

She picked up on the third ring and I couldn't hide the goofy grin that spread across my face at the sound of her voice.

"Hey," she breathed.

"Hey." I cleared my throat. What the hell was wrong with me? I was already tongue tied. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. "I mean, I'm having lunch with Seamus in half an hour but other than that, nothing."                       
       
           



       

Seamus. Seamus the fucking cat. I was going to find out who this guy was   if it killed me. My good mood washed away, replaced with irritation.   "Maybe I'll swing by."

A pause. "Swing by?"

"Sure, I'd love to meet your buddy."

Another pause. The damn pauses pissed me off. It was like she was trying   to think of something to say and if she was doing that it meant that   this Seamus guy wasn't just a ‘friend.' Who the hell was he?

"You wouldn't enjoy lunch with Seamus."

"I wouldn't."

It was funny how this girl was able to tie me up in less than a minute. I   thought of Eden's words-of how she was holding back-and I clenched my   teeth together. Even more pissed I glared out the window, thumping my   palm against the steering wheel.

"No. He's … well, he's just different and you'd find him boring."

"Really."

"It sounds like you don't believe me."

I didn't. Her voice was at least a pitch higher than normal and I knew something wasn't right. Was she cheating on me?

Panic hit me hard and I blew out a long, hot breath. Maybe her feelings   weren't as deep as mine. I thought of what Eden had said and my mood   darkened. Had I read this all wrong? Was she playing me?

"Georgia, who is this guy?"

Another pause.

"I don't want to talk about him." She sounded small.

My fuse was burning real bright at about this point. I wasn't used to   being jerked around and right now this girl had me dancing on the edge   of a rope like I was a fucking puppet.

"Well that sure as hell says a lot."

"Ben," she said softly. "He's not what you think."

"I don't know what he is or what to think because you're not giving me anything." Fuck. "What are we doing here?"

I head her exhale, a long, shaky breath. "What do you want, Ben?"

A hot little blonde had been staring at me from across the parking lot   for a few minutes and she ambled over, a small, sexy smile on her face.   She'd eyed me up in the airport too. I knew the look. I knew what she   wanted.

What do I want?

"I can tell you what I don't want. I don't want to be the guy you've got   in your back pocket while you're fucking someone else." I knew the   words were harsh but they fell out of me before I could stop them.

The blonde was beside my truck with a black sharpie in her hand. She wanted an autograph. She licked her lips suggestively.

She wanted more than an autograph.

"I'm not fucking anyone," Georgia retorted and if I had taken the time   to listen, I might have heard the hurt in her voice. But I didn't. I was   pissed.

"Yeah, well neither am I."

"You're being an asshole."

I rolled the window down and nodded. "Hey."

"Who are you talking to?" Georgia asked sharply.

The blonde leaned over, her breasts practically falling out of her   tight, pink top. She mouthed, ‘Ben Lancaster?', and I nodded as she   yanked on her top and handed me the sharpie.

"Ben?" Georgia prodded angrily.

"A fan."

The girl giggled, her voice an annoying combination of sugar and sweet. "Maybe you could sign both of them?"

"Are you autographing her tits?" Georgia didn't wait for an answer. "You   really are an asshole." There was no mistaking the hurt in her voice   and though my anger still burned hard, there was also the uncomfortable   feeling of something I didn't quite recognize.

Click.

Fuck me. What the hell had just happened?





Chapter Sixteen





Georgia





Secrets are heavy.

They're heavy and they're hard and sharp and they suck.

They press into your chest and make it hard to breathe. They make it hard to sleep or relax or just to be …

But most of all secrets made me sad. And sad made me scared.

My clock glowed on the table beside my bed. It was Saturday morning, barely past four and still dark outside.

I rolled over and fell out of bed, shivering as I crossed the room to my   window. I leaned against the glass and gazed into the quiet below.   There were no stars, nothing to light the darkness and I thought that   maybe it was going to rain.

Great. Rain plus sad was going to make for one hell of an awesome Saturday. Go me.

I picked the edge of the window sill and turned so that my cheek was now   pressed against the glass. I was still pissed at Ben, but the initial   hurt had passed. I didn't blame him for being an asshole, but that   didn't mean I had to like it.

I wanted to think that he was jealous because he had no idea who Seamus   was, or what he meant to me. He had no idea that in the past there were   days when Seamus was the only thing standing between myself and a  return  to Oak Run.                       
       
           



       

Oak Run. Just the thought of that place made me shudder.

How the hell was I going to explain that one?

Hey Ben, I'm kinda sorta fucked and last fall I tried to kill myself and   then they made me go stay in a hospital that's not really a hospital   but a mental institution because I'm also kinda sorta crazy. No bigee,   it kinda sorta runs in the family.

Shame burned inside me and I closed my eyes, hating the tight band of   tension that rolled across my shoulders. How was I going to explain to   Ben that I was damaged? That my brain was totally fucked up? That the   chemistry was out of whack. That unless I took my daily dose of meds I   was out of whack?