The Stillness Of You(25)

Mental illness wasn't something you could fix. It was something to be   managed. Something my mother had failed at, so why the hell did I think I   was going to be any better at it?

‘You need to learn to manage your illness before you can give yourself   to someone. And you need to be honest with that someone.' Seamus' words,   not mine, and he should know.

We'd chatted about Ben at our last session and he'd told me point blank   that it was a bad idea to get involved with someone right now. He'd  said  that I was still feeling my way through the darkness and that I  needed  to stand on my own before I could even consider being with  someone,  especially someone who had no idea that I was fucked. (His  words had  been more gentle but I knew what he meant.)

When he'd asked me if I had shared the details of my illness with Ben,   I'd stared at him in horror and shook my head. I couldn't answer him   because the fear inside me was that strong.

Ben would run. Any sane person would run.

Wouldn't he?

Restless I slipped from Ben's embrace and fell out of the bed. I was   cold but my clothes were still in a damp pile on the floor beside the   bed. I grabbed my cell phone out of the pocket in my skirt and then   rummaged through his closet where I found a bright orange Flyers   T-shirt. I slipped it over my head and then paused at the door.

Ben was sprawled face down across the bed now, the blankets rumpled   around his waist though they were low enough that I could see the top   half of his nicely rounded ass. His face was turned slightly and I could   only see his profile, but damn he looked sweet with his messed up  hair.

My phone vibrated startling me and I glanced down at it quickly, noting   that it was nearly eleven. I knew it was late but I was surprised at   just how late it was. Having sex with Ben had eaten up most of the   evening and after three rounds of hot, orgasm filled lovin' we'd fallen   into an exhausted sleep.

Shit.

I slipped out of Ben's bedroom and fingered my phone. It was Matt. He   was probably freaking out because I hadn't talked to him all day and he   had no idea where I was.                       
       
           



       

Padding through the darkened house I headed for the kitchen and answered.

"Where the hell are you?" His voice was harsh.

"Hello to you too."

Okay, he was pissed.

"Do you know it's nearly midnight? I've been going out of my fucking mind. Don't you check your phone?"

Okay, he was more than pissed.

"Georgia?"

"Yes, I'm here, Matt. Sorry."

"That's it? That's all you've got?"

Irritated at his tone I snapped back. "I said I was sorry. Time just   kind of got away from me. You don't have to worry. I'm good."

"Well that's good to know now. Dammit, Georgia I was ready to call Seamus. Or the police or even fucking Kendall."

"Are you kidding me?" I sputtered, my throat tight. "What do you want me   to say? I'm sorry I didn't pick up my fucking phone. But Jesus, Matt,   it's not even midnight and I'm twenty years old. It's not like I have  to  check in with you."

"As long as you live with me you do. As long as I'm responsible for you, you fucking do."

Silence followed his angry words and my throat closed even more. "Nice. Thanks for that."

He swore and I could picture him running his hands through his blond   hair and pacing through his loft. "G, I just … fuck, I was worried." He   paused the space between us filled up with empty static. He cleared his   throat. " Ben came around looking for you too."

"I know."

"Where are you?" he asked abruptly.

I winced, picking at the hem of my T-shirt. "I'm with Ben."

"You're with Ben."

"Yeah."

I tightened up, waiting for the blast that was going to come. Waiting   for the condemnation, the anger or worse, the silent treatment. Instead I   got a long sigh and I could picture him rumpling his messy blond hair.

"Are you coming home, Georgia?"

Surprised that he didn't chew me out for sleeping with Ben, I didn't   answer right away. I gnawed on my bottom lip, hating how he'd intruded   into my perfect little bubble.

Of course bubbles would burst and reality would set in, so why not now?

"G?"

"I don't think so, Matt. It's late."

Awkward silence fell between us and I wrapped my arms around my waist,   suddenly cold as hell. "Look, Matt. I'm sorry. I know you probably think   this is a bad idea but I … I can't stay away from him and it's not just   me. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way."

I heard my brother exhale and hoped his disappointment wasn't too much.

"Okay, I get it." he said. "You're both adults so it's not like I can   get in your shit and tell you what to do but G, just … I want you to be   careful. I need for you to be careful. I almost lost you last year. I   can't … " His voice broke and I swallowed painfully, a lump the size of a   basketball stuck in my throat.

"Matt, I'll be good." Did I really believe that?

"You still have a long way to go and I … Christ, Georgia I know you think   I'm worried about Ben but I gotta tell you that it's not Ben that I'm   concerned about.. Ben's a big boy and unlike some of the other guys   you've screwed around with, he's got brains. He's the real deal. Ben   Lancaster is headed for the top and I just don't want to see you hurt."

I didn't need Matt to say anymore because it was pretty obvious that he,   too, thought there was no room for a girl like me in Ben Lancaster's   world.

My bubble instantly deflated because sadly, it was already too late. I   was already in way too deep with a guy who was riding that shooting   star, the one that had no room for me.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Matt. I'm sorry I worried you."

"I love you, G."

"I know," I whispered. "I love you too."

I'm not sure how long I stood in the dark, staring out at nothing but I   was surprised when two strong arms slipped around me from behind,   pulling me back against a warm, rock hard body.

"Hey," Ben murmured against my neck.

Shivers rolled over me and I closed my eyes, shaky, confused and-as his   mouth kissed a path along my neck up to behind my ear-horny as hell and   already damp for him.

"What are you doing out here?"

I smiled when he nipped at my ear, his hands dropping to my hips holding me still while his erection ground against me.

"I was hungry."

"Did you eat?"

His tongue licked the edge of my earlobe and then traced the inside   contours as I trembled in his arms. How could he do this to me? How was I   already weak with need?                       
       
           



       

How was I not hungry anymore?

"Because I'm hungry." He continued his assault, his hands now underneath   my T-shirt, rolling over my skin until his fingers were between my   legs. Until he was inside me.

"But not for food."

"Ben," I said hoarsely, my mind already blind to everything except him. I   groaned as he began to stroke me, while his tongue continued to do  wild  and crazy things to my earlobe.

"Let's go back to bed and I promise I'll make you the biggest, baddest   breakfast in the morning … or later, I don't care. I just need you again."   His whispers were feverish, his touch on fire. "‘I need you right now,   Georgia."

God, the way he said my name.

He lifted me without another word and I forgot about food. I forgot   about Matt. I forgot everything except Ben's mouth, his hands and his   body.

He took me to places I'd only read about in those romance novels my mom   used to read. Places I had never thought were real, because in my   reality that kind of perfection was fake. It was unattainable. It had   never been real until now.

I let him take me there more than once, and this time when we fell asleep together, we stayed that way until the sun came up.





Chapter Nineteen





Ben





I watched Georgia eat and though it sounds stupid and lame, man, I could   watch that girl do nothing and be perfectly happy doing it.

Her long hair was really tangled and wild looking, but I liked it. I   liked that my hands had snaked through those waves and had sculpted them   while I'd been inside her.

Just thinking of everything we'd done the night before was enough to get   me hard and I shifted in my seat, adjusting an already thickening   erection as I watched her eat.