The Boy Who Knew Me When(17)

“Why did you run off like that and don’t give me that appointment bullshit, I knew you were lying the moment you opened your mouth,” he reached for my hand but I pulled away.

At my rejection I watched a wave of sadness wash over him, instantly feeling guilty I moved in closer until we were toe to toe.

“My dad...” I paused letting a breath escape, “...murdered my mother.”

I didn’t really mean for it to come out like it did, I was still deciding how I was going to tell him, still deciding if I ever was going to tell him. But I could not stand to see the heartbroken image that I had caused play on his face. I had so much to learn about him and was terrified of losing the chance to learn about the man that I so desperately wanted to know again.

I could tell that the announcement caught him off guard. His mouth opened but he couldn’t manage to get any words out. I watched as Brea slipped out the front door holding her fingers up to her ear gesturing for me to call her and grabbing her purse from the dining table on the way out.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it to just come out like that. I...”

He grabbed my hand again only this time I did not pull away. Instead he pulled me to him, kissing my forehead before resting his chin atop my head.

“I’m so sorry.” he whispered. “Tell me what happened?” He gently pulled me down onto the couch and into his lap, keeping his chin to my head.

“I honestly do not know if I can Julian”

His hands reached down and urged my chin up to meet his face. Gripping me tighter he moved his lips to my cheeks one at a time planting tiny kisses on each one. Then his lips moved to mine, kissing them softly before whispering into my mouth

“You can tell me anything. I loved them too, please, I have to know.”

I let out the breath I was not aware I was holding straight into his mouth. As the air between us collided I felt his tongue slip into my mouth. It guided along my teeth, moved out to my lips and back into my mouth where our tongues met up and danced with each other. After a few moments he gently guided my head back to his chest and moved his cheek back to the top of it.

Once again I let a long breath escape my mouth, pulled it back in and closed my eyes.

“I was asleep when it happened. I had just turned eleven; my dad had spent almost a year in and out of the hospital trying to get better. He literally went crazy after Nicolai...after...after he died.”

I paused for a brief moment to catch myself from breaking down and Ford softly kissed my forehead again reassuring me he was listening.

“He started hearing and seeing things. For a long time all he ever saw was Nicolai covered in blood telling him that he missed him and needed to be with his family. And then he started seeing him, the guy from the restaurant.”

“Ignacio Hernandez,” Ford interrupted. I cringed that the sound of his name. I tried for so long to forget it, making it a point to never allow it to fall from my lips.

I looked up, “How can you bear to say his name?”

“People like him, they deserve to be remembered for being the monsters that they are. I make it a point to remember his name, it serves as a healthy reminder that everything that happened on the day my family died was out of anyone’s control. A single person cannot fight that kind of evil. It is an evil that won’t ever die; there is no point in trying to bury him.” He looked into my eyes as if he were trying to heal the invisible wound that had just appeared on my heart. “Continue, sweetheart.”

Reclaiming the blind position on his chest I continued. “Dad didn’t tell us about him at first but his doctors urged him to be honest with his family. His doctor thought that because some of his behaviors were frightening to us it might help us to understand what was going on with him. Nobody ever actually told me personally, I was just a child, but they never noticed that I was always there in the background listening.”

“We had thought he was getting better, we never imagined that he was hiding the truth from us, we didn’t even know something like that could even be hid. But one day the truth came crashing down around him.”

“I was asleep when I heard her scream. She was begging him to stop, pleading with him to put the gun away. But he wasn’t himself anymore, he kept rambling that Nicolai needed us ‘That son of a bitch is going to take him from us again! He is all alone, we have to help him!’ and the next thing I knew I was listening to the sound of gunfire. Immediately I pulled my hand to my mouth to stifle the screams trying to escape from it and ran into the upstairs bathroom. I heard his footsteps in the hall and he began calling my name telling me that everything was going to be OK.”