The Boy Who Knew Me When(15)

Chapter Four





Ford and I woke up around eight and after fooling around for a few minutes we showered together and made our way to IHOP for breakfast.

“What yah having? Whatever you want, it’s yours” He asked.

We both ended up agreeing to the chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. We sat in silence not really knowing what to say after the extremely unexpected events of the night before. “It was good seeing you again Juli...I mean...Ford...Sorry; it’s hard not to call you Julian.”

A wicked smile flashed across his face, completely ignoring my slip up. “Good? I would not exactly say it was good to see you again Jemma.”

I frowned at his admission but he took my hand reassuringly.

“I wasn’t done sweetheart. There was nothing good about last night, last night was great, off the charts, out of this world, amazing, mind-blowing but nothing as simple as good.” I giggled like a twelve year old again and agreed with him.

“So what now?” I asked. “I mean, we really don’t know each other. Yeah, the sex was amazing but we don’t know anything about each other. I have never done anything like that before. Who are you Ford?”

I could tell my questioning made him uncomfortable. His smile faded and he looked away from me, I feared he was running away to hide again.

“Look, Jemma, last night, I have never felt that type of connection with anyone before. I don’t know what it was but I know I am not ready for it.”

I suddenly felt all of the color drain from my face; he seemed to sense the life draining out of me so he grabbed my hand and tightly took hold.

“Don’t get upset OK, I’m not saying I don’t want to see you again. I just need to figure out what is going on in my head. You are so close to everything that I have spent half my life running from, I don’t know what to do with that.”

What exactly was he saying, was he blowing me off, letting me down easy? I was not just some stranger that he met on the street. He knew me, it had been a long time since we have seen each other but there was a time that we were as good as family. I did not expect him to want to spend his life with me after one night but I also did not expect to be let down easily.

“So you’re blowing me off? You spend the night fucking your best friends little sister and then you fuck off, is that it? Do you want me to tell you to fuck off Ford?”

His face reddens, his teeth begin to grind against one another and I watch his hands started frantically moving through his hair like he was trying to rub every inch of it off of his head.

“No, no, don’t say that! And don’t talk about him or yourself like that, I can’t bear to talk about him at all, haven’t been for a very long time. But it’s not that. I enjoyed every second of last night, all I could think about all night long was how much I wanted to drown myself in you but the next day it just feels like too much too fast. You of all people should understand.”

And with that he had me. I did understand. I understood everything. I understood that when something horrible happens to you all you want to do is push everything good in your life away for fear that you will have to watch it deteriorate before your eyes. I have a feeling that is how Ford has been living his life, pushing and hiding. He did not expect me to come along and remind him of a time when he was full of life. A time when he danced around with his own pair of wings just like I did.

“I do understand Ford, I understand all of it, every last word.” Then I began to cry.

It seemed like all I have been doing lately was wiping tears out of my eyes. Just when they stopped and I began to feel whole again, Ford came along. Only for the first time in my life I did not fight the tears from falling. I allowed them to fall willingly, for Ford, the boy who had nearly died with my brother. He had to watch his own parents and best friend get brutally taken from this world and I could only imagine how helpless and broken that made him. Probably more broken and helpless than I ever was. I didn’t know if I could help him fight his demons but after the connection we found ourselves with I was desperate to try. For the first time I truly understood where Brandon was coming from loving me, how all he had wanted to do was make me better. I just prayed Ford and I did not share the same fate.

“I want to get to know you Ford. Can we start there? No strings, just two people who used to know each other coming together again. Can we do that?”

Ford nodded his acceptance to the idea of friendship.

“That sounds perfect, Jemma,” was all he managed before the waitress placed our breakfast down in front of us. I smiled at the whipped cream smiley face on both of our pancakes.