The Boy Who Knew Me When(21)

Sadly, now I got it.

“I’m sorry you’re upset but really Brea, are you listening to yourself right now? Firstly, how exactly do you gather this girl is a skank from the fact that she forgets your whipped cream? It isn’t like you to judge people on a basis of absolutely nothing; she seems nice enough albeit a bit flighty. Maybe she doesn’t even know about you? And second, you said it, you are a nine, well, actually I would say you are more like a ten. Unlike Rebecca you can snap your fingers and take your pick of men. Throw her the idiot bone, get over it and snap because I know you and I know you don’t really give a shit.”

Brea stared at me but I could not quite peg what her expression was. In a matter of seconds I read anger, frustration, indifference and awe. Nothing surprised me more than seeing the crooked smile that flashed across her lips. Suddenly she crossed the room and threw her arms around me.

“Did you just say I was a ten?” she bounced up and down excitedly like a ten year-old. “I knew there was a reason why we were best friends. I love you Jem. And you are right, time to snap. James shot me a text before that moron dumped me and invited me out to the Omega house for some kind of meet the pledge party. Let’s go, you can hang out with what’s his name, Ford, Julian, whatever, it’s perfect.”

James was the guy who had beaten down Ford’s door in an effort to find me after an insane night of first, second and third orgasmic encounters of the most delicious kind. I did not even know Brea had spoken to the man again, but then, I have kind of been caught up on my own little world the last few days.

“He isn’t going to be there, he went out of town for the weekend. Went to visit his grandmother in Puerto Rico”

“Really?” she asked confusedly. I nodded and she continued. “Strange, you would think the president of the fraternity would kind of have to be there.”

President? That was news to me. It seemed I really did need to get to know Ford because I had no idea that he was the president of the Omega Delta Phi fraternity. I guess that explains his larger than normal bedroom complete with private bath. Two rooms that I had gotten to know very well in only a few hours.



“Oh well, we can go anyway, it will be fun!” she decided.

The party didn’t start until later on in the evening so we decided to hit the mall, do some shopping and have a little fun. I was still broke needing most of the money Aunt Tilly forwarded into my checking account from my trust for bills. There was just enough left that I could hit the clearance rack at forever 21 and The Gap. I needed this little shopping excursion to keep my mind off of something that I could not have. Or shall I say someone I could not have, not at the moment anyway.

By the time we were done shopping Brea had racked up a few hundred dollars in shoes and I had managed a couple cute outfits, including a little black dress that I planned on wearing to dinner with Ford on Monday. It was strange calling him Ford knowing that he was Julian, no matter how many times I said it, I still saw him as my brother’s best friend. Several times I had to correct myself which is funny since I had not seen him since I was seven years old.

I could not tell you how many nights I fell asleep wondering how he was. I very much wanted him to be happy. I prayed every night for years, to a God that I was no longer sure existed, that he was safe and not hurting as much as I was. Deep down, no matter how much I prayed for him I knew there was no way he was any better off than me. Eventually it became easy to forget about him because I wanted to forget everything that preyed on the positive life I was trying to live, something I suddenly felt guilty about.





After my dad took my mom from this world I began to distance myself from anything and everything related to Nicolai. I was angry at the world but mostly my dad and Nicolai. I knew the things that happened were out of anyone’s control but I hated my father for being weak and I hated my brother for being a victim. As far as I was concerned my dad could have chosen to stay in the hospital which would have been best for everyone involved and my brother should have wanted to spend more time at with his real family.

My dad had wanted to go fishing with Nicolai that weekend. My mom on the other hand thought it would be a good experience for Nicolai to see the big Dallas museums and the place where John F. Kennedy was shot, which is pretty ironic all things considered.

After unsuccessfully trying to call Ford I pulled on my favorite pair of vintage Calvin Klein boot cut jeans and a red sequined tank that I bought at forever 21 a few hours before. After deciding to let my hair fall freely and pulling on my biker boots Brea and I made our way to the frat house. The party turned out to be more of a backyard barbecue with a few friends; it was nowhere near the size of the party a few nights before. I would say in total there were only about forty or so people including the frat boys and their pledges.