Taming Damian(14)

"You're right." I let out a heavy sigh and wished I weren't in this position.

"Alex, it'll be okay. Whatever happens, it'll be okay."

But even through his reassuring words, I could hear the same doubt I felt inside.

"Yeah. I hope so." I flashed him a weak smile.

For the rest of the night, I felt like my body was numb with worry as I  tried to figure out how I was going to break this news to Damian.





CHAPTER SEVEN

Damian

I slammed the phone down on the bar counter and felt my insides fuming with rage.

She's with him.

She hadn't told me that she was, but I knew. Every fiber of my body knew  that she was having dinner and spending the night with Chris. She had  sounded evasive and nervous on the phone, and from the way she'd spoken,  I knew she was lying to me. I had tried to give her an out-to tell me  who she was with, to bring him over to introduce him to me-but she  hadn't taken it. She hadn't even wanted me to know that the person she  was with was another man.

My stomach twisted in jealousy and anguish at the thought of her with  another man right now-of her smiling at him, of her laughing with him,  and of her fucking him.

"Hi, sexy." A woman's voice interrupted my thoughts.

I looked up and saw a hot blonde smiling seductively at me. She leaned  over the bar, purposely displaying her voluptuous breasts that were  popping out of her tight one-size-too-small top. She was definitely a  seven on my fuckability scale.

"Hi, gorgeous. What can I get you?" I flashed her my signature fuck-me smile as I winked at her.

Ever since Alexis and I had gotten back together, I hadn't flirted with  women patrons at the bar like this. But after our call, I felt myself  reverting back to my old before-Alexis self as I tried to suppress the  anger and pain that were building up inside.

"I heard a lot about your Damian Style shots." She bit her lower lip as her eyes slowly gave me a once-over.

"Sure thing. Where'd you like your shot?" I leaned towards her, leaving  only a few inches between us. Her eyes darted down to my mouth as she  licked her lips.

"Here," she purred as she reached for my chin and brushed her thumb across my lower lip.

"I like women who are honest and go for what they want." I gave her a  smoldering look as I grabbed a shot glass. My chest tightened as a stab  of guilt hit me. I had no desire to do anything with this woman, but I  knew I needed something-someone-to distract me from the pain that was  building up inside.

A voice pushed through the numbing pain. You're going to regret this if you take this too far.

"Regret is for the weak," I said aloud.

The blonde tilted her head and looked at me curiously. "I'll say." Her  red lips curled into a devious smile as she pushed her breasts farther  toward me.

"So what kind of shot do you want?" I smirked as I leaned toward her and  whispered in her ear. "Let's do something tonight we won't regret."

I heard her draw in a breath at my words. "I'll do anything with you,"  she said when she recovered. She trailed her fingers down the elaborate  tattoo on my arm and held my gaze. "I won't regret anything with these  arms around me."

"Good. So what's your poison?" I looked at her and tried to focus on her sex appeal. But my cock didn't respond.

"Sex on the Beach." Her voice alluded to promises of what she wanted to do with me. "Can you make that into a shot?"

My body stiffened at her drink request, and my thoughts immediately went to Alexis. Sex on the Beach was her favorite drink.

"What's wrong with you?" the blonde asked as I froze in silence.

I blinked and looked at her. "What are you talking about?"

She motioned to my hands, which were both curled in white-knuckled fists.                       
       
           



       

"Oh. Nothing." I quickly relaxed my hands. I swallowed hard as I felt my stomach churn uneasily.

"Okay." The blonde shrugged. "So how about that drink?"

I looked at the empty shot glass on the counter between us. "I gotta go." I backed away from the blonde.

"What the fuck? Why?"

"I … I just do." I looked over at Sam, one of the other bartenders. "Hey, Sam!" I yelled over at him.

"Yeah, boss?" He looked over at me as he was making two drinks for a couple in front of him.

"Come make a Sex on the Beach Damian Style shot for this pretty lady." I gestured at the blonde.

"My pleasure." Sam's eyes landed on the blonde's breasts, and he walked over with a crooked smile on his face.

"Hey! But I ordered it from you!" The blonde looked at me longingly.

"Sorry. I gotta go."

"Shit! Well at least take my number," she demanded as she pulled out a business card from her purse.

Before I could say no, she grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer to her.  "No regrets," she whispered in my ear and kissed my face as she slipped  the card in my jeans pocket.

"Right." I gave her an empty smile and walked past Sam.

"You all right, man? You look a little pale."

"Yeah, it's nothing. I gotta go though. You okay to close out the bar tonight with Beth?"

"Of course. We got this."

"Thanks."

Without another word, I walked out of Damian's. By the time I got  upstairs to my apartment, the mixture of fury and discomfort in my chest  had intensified to an unbearable point.

"I'm having dinner with a friend." Her words rang in my ears and images  of her naked body intertwined with another guy's flashed through my  mind.

"Why?!" I shouted as I kicked the end table beside my bed, causing a few  items to fall onto the floor. I grunted in frustration as I bent down  to pick up the items.

My eyes landed on the black shoebox under my bed. I pulled the box out  and opened it for the first time since I'd met Alexis. It was my "little  black book" I'd collected over the past eight years. Inside the box  were hundreds of various items I'd received over the years from  forgettable women. Each item had a name, a phone number, and my  fuckability rank written on it.

As I scrawled a "7" on the blonde's business card I'd received tonight  and dropped it in the box, I realized something: Alexis was the only  woman I'd fucked who wasn't in that box.

"I gave you all up for her … " I said to the box of numbers. "And for  what?" I snorted. "For her to be exactly like my bitch of a mother?"

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass and a bottle of Bulleit  Bourbon whiskey from the bar cart. I poured a generous amount into the  glass and sat on my bed with the box. My hand sifted through the box of  numbers and I thought about how easy and uncomplicated things had been  before I'd allowed myself to care for Alexis.

I gulped down the whiskey and pulled out my phone from my pocket. I  wanted to be stupid and reckless. I wanted the life I'd had before I'd  met Alexis back. I wanted to fuck women-lots of women-without a care in  the world. Above all, I wanted this empty pain inside my chest to go  away.

***

I woke up lying on top of my still-made bed with half the items from the  black box scattered beside me. On the nightstand was a half-finished  bottle of Bulleit Bourbon and an empty glass.

"Fuck. How much did I drink last night?" My head throbbed with pain as  the room spun around me. I rubbed my temples with my hand and slowly got  up from the bed.

I saw my phone on the floor a foot from the bed and picked it up.

Six text messages and four voicemails.

"Shit. Who's blowing up my phone?" My first thought was Alexis and a wave of concern washed over me. Did something happen?

But when I checked the missed calls and texts, none of them were from  Alexis. All of them were from women I had fucked in the past. I scrolled  through my phone and realized that in my drunken stupor, I had texted  and called these women.

Fuck, I must have been in a bad place last night. I groaned and deleted  the texts. I looked over at my alarm clock. It was 10:14 a.m.

I looked around my place to check for signs that someone else had been over last night. Nothing.

I walked slowly to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face.

"God, what's wrong with me? Why do I feel guilty?" I stared at my  reflection in the mirror. "Get it together. You've done nothing wrong."

As I jumped into the shower, I knew I couldn't bear being in the dark  any longer. I knew there was something wrong with Alexis, and I needed  to know what that was. As much as I wanted to run away from this problem  and go on a women-fucking binge, something about Alexis stopped me.  There was still a part of me that couldn't accept the idea that she was  anything like my mother. And that part of me knew she'd be hurt if I did  anything with another woman. That part of me gripped to the fading hope  that Alexis wasn't cheating on me.