Taming Damian(13)

"I love you too, Damian." I wrapped my arm around his chest and rested  my cheek against the contours of his chest. I heard the fast beating of  his heart thump gently against my ear and felt my body mold perfectly  against his.

As I slowly drifted off to sleep, there was a nagging voice in the back  of my mind that I couldn't seem to shake. Even if he makes a good  boyfriend, is that enough for you and the baby? If this is the only way  he knows how to show you he loves you, is he mature enough to be there  for you, to be there for this baby? Would he even want you to keep this  baby once he found out? And even if he did, would he be willing to be a  father to this child despite the truth?

***

"It's really good to see you, Alex." Chris smiled at me from across the  table. His eyes twinkled in that same sincere way I had become so  familiar with during our four years together, and it wasn't until now  that I realized how much I'd missed that comforting smile and gaze that  reminded me so much of my old home.

"I know. I'm so glad you're in town."

"Me too. So how are you?"

I sighed. "To be honest, I've really been a total mess lately. So I'm  glad I can sit down and talk to someone who knows about this."

He furrowed his brows and frowned. "You haven't told him yet, have you?"

"No." I lowered my head and stared at my food.

"How are you feeling about everything?"

I shrugged as I thought about his question. "It's been over a week since  I found out and I'm still in a bit of a shock. One moment, I'm totally  fine and am thinking about things positively, but then the next moment,  I'm breaking down in tears and can't seem to believe it's true." I  sucked in a deep audible breath as I held back the tears.

"Oh, Alex. Look at me." He leaned across the table toward me and held my  gaze. I saw the sincerity and compassion in his eyes and felt a new  wave of emotion wash over me. "Believe me when I say this. You will get  through this. You are one of the strongest people I know. Plus, you have  me."

I looked at him and gave a half smile. "Thanks."

We ate in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again.

"So … " He shifted in his seat as he looked down at his food.

"What?"

"So are you sure you've made up your mind about what you're planning on  doing?" He finally looked up at me, his eyes full of worry.

"Yes!" I exclaimed with more confidence than I felt. "I'm definitely  keeping the baby." I looked down toward my hands as they automatically  circled my stomach.

"Are you sure?" There was fear in his voice as his gaze moved to my hands.

"Didn't I just say yes?" I was starting to feel annoyed by his obvious disapproval.

"Even though … " His voice trailed off, unable to finish the rest of his words.

"Yes. You don't have to worry …  I'll be okay."

There was an awkward pause between us, and for a moment, I wondered if seeing Chris again was a good idea.

"Have you been eating well?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

I shook my head and looked down at my picked-over food. "Not really."

"Alex, I'm worried about you. If you want to keep this baby, you need to take better care of yourself."

"I know that in my head, but … but my body won't keep any food down."

"Morning sickness?"

"No, that hasn't been too bad yet. No, I'm sick to my stomach with worry."                       
       
           



       

He reached for my hands from across the table and squeezed them. "I'm  here for you. Just tell me what you need. It can be anything and I'll do  it."

I looked at his hands on mine and tears started to fall down my face. I looked up at him. "Can you tell Damian?"

Chris looked at me sympathetically. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

I pulled my hands from under his grasp and dropped them to my side.  "You're right. I know." I felt my body slump deeper into my seat.

"When are you planning on telling him?"

The thought of Damian caused panic to spread through me, leaving me  gasping for air. "I don't know …  I know I have to soon. I thought maybe  after this weekend. I still need some time to get mentally ready."

"Okay." He sounded unconvinced.

I buried my face in my hands and began to sob quietly. "Chris, what do  you think I should do?" I sounded as desperate as I felt as I looked up  at Chris, irrationally hoping he had an idea that I was blind to.

"Tell him-"

I opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me.

"-sooner rather than later. He's going to find out eventually, so why  not tell him now? That way he'll have time to digest what this all  means."

"I'm not ready yet," I shot back stubbornly as I wiped a tear from my cheek.

"Alex, Damian deserves to know. If you're keeping this baby, then he's going to be a father soon. He needs to know that."

The weight of his words felt like a splash of cold water on my face.  This was the first time I'd heard the words "Damian" and "father"  together. And somehow hearing it now out loud made it more real, and I  felt the full urgency of the situation hit me all at once. I knew Chris  was right-I needed to tell Damian soon. As much as I hopelessly wanted  to hold on to our fairytale relationship and carefree love, I knew it  was time for me to face reality.

"You're right," I said solemnly. "Tomorrow's Friday and we have dinner  plans, so I'll tell him everything then. That will give us the whole  weekend to process the news."

Chris nodded in agreement. "Good. That's a good plan."

I closed my eyes and drew in a sharp breath as I thought about the dreaded moment when I had to tell Damian.

Just then, my phone rang, causing me to jump in my seat.

I saw Damian's face and name flash across the screen and felt my body tense up.

"Are you going to get that?" Chris asked as he eyed my phone.

"I … " I reached for the phone nervously. "Hello?"

"Hey, baby. Where are you?"

"I'm, uh, I'm having dinner with a friend."

"Oh." There was a second of silence before he continued. "Anyone I know?"

I looked over at Chris, who gave me an encouraging nod. "No. Just a friend from Iowa who's in town on a business trip."

"Oh. Okay. You didn't mention a friend being in town when we hung out yesterday."

"I didn't? I thought I did. It must have slipped my mind then." I felt a  lump in my throat as I cringed at my own lie. It broke my heart each  time I had to lie to him, but I knew nothing good would come out of him  knowing that I was spending time with my ex-boyfriend.

"Why don't you bring her over to the bar afterwards? Drinks on me." There was something in his voice that made me uncomfortable.

That's just your guilt playing tricks on you, I convinced myself.

"My friend has to get up early in the morning for work, so maybe next  time?" I knew he thought I was with a female friend, and I knew the  right thing to do was to correct him and be upfront about things. But at  this very moment, I wasn't ready to get into that conversation and  cause him to be jealous for no reason.

Chris looked over at me with a raised eyebrow and mouthed the words "I do?"

"No problem," Damian responded quickly. "Why don't you come on over  tonight after dinner? I can have Sam take over the bar for the rest of  the night. I want to see you, and"-he lowered his voice-"my cock wants  to see you."

"Um. I really want to, babe, but I'm really tired tonight. I think I'm  going to call it a night when I get in. I hope you don't mind." He was  silent. "I'll see you tomorrow for dinner?" I added quickly. I felt  horrible about lying to him, but after the conversation I just had with  Chris, sex was the last thing I wanted to do tonight.

For a few seconds, Damian didn't say a word, and the pang of guilt grew inside me.                       
       
           



       

"Are you still there?" I asked tentatively.

"Yeah." His voice was flat, and I knew he wasn't happy.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course," he shot back quickly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason. I … I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure. Have a fun night with your friend."

Before I could respond, I heard him hang up.

I looked at my phone and replayed our conversation in my mind. Is he mad at me?

"What's wrong?" Chris's voice cut through the silence.

"I think he hung up on me." I looked up at Chris and frowned. "Do you think he knows something's wrong?"

"Maybe. Possibly. Talk to him tomorrow and tell him everything. Secrets  have a way of coming out if you keep them locked away for too long."