Taming Damian(18)

"I'm sorry," he said softly as he gently brushes the tears from my face.  "I guess I never got over my mother's betrayal. Before you, I went  through life free from emotions because I didn't want to experience the  betrayal again. When I met you, I couldn't help but fall hard for you. A  part of me was terrified by this, because you were the one person who  could hurt me the way my mother hurt me. So when I saw Chris, all those  feelings of betrayal I came back, and I thought the worst before giving  you a chance to explain." He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me  tightly. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too, Damian. I didn't mean for things to get to this point.  There is nothing going on with Chris." I squeezed his hand to reassure  him that I meant it. I was upset with myself that I had caused him this  needless pain. I knew how much his mother's betrayal had affected him  all these years, and I couldn't imagine what he'd been going through  recently thinking that I had also betrayed him in that way.

"Nothing? Not even during that month we were apart?"

"Damian, I love you. Chris and I are just friends now. I was devastated  when we broke up months ago after I walked in on you with another woman.  How could you think I could get over you so quickly and jump into bed  with another person, especially when that other person is my  ex-boyfriend who had cheated on me?"                       
       
           



       

He lowered his head in shame. "I don't know. I'm not a good person,  Alex. Because frankly, I think that's something I'd do if I caught you  cheating."

"But that's just it, Damian. You didn't do that-not today. You were  upset when you saw Chris. You wanted me to think you were with that  blonde down at the bar, but you didn't do anything with her."

He looked up and met my eyes, and I saw how much he loved me through  that one glance. I knew then that I shouldn't have doubted him as much  as I had.

"So you're not interesting in Chris?"

I gave him a reassuring smile. "No, definitely not. I'm sorry I didn't mention him to you."

"When did you guys become friends?"

"During the month we were apart."

"Oh." I heard the jealousy in his voice and I knew I owed him an explanation.

"So ever since Chris and I broke up, he had been trying to reach out to  me to apologize for hurting me. We were together for four years, but I  think deep down we both knew we were in a dead-end relationship. But  instead of breaking up with me, he took the easy way out and cheated on  me, hoping that I would find out and break up with him."

"What an asshole." Damian clenched his fists.

I rolled my eyes. "Would you have done it differently?" I teased.

"Yes. I can be a jerk to women, but I'm always straightforward with them."

I thought about it and smiled. Damian was right. He was not shy about  voicing his opinion about things, and that was one thing I loved about  him.

"Anyway, I had ignored Chris's emails and texts in the beginning. But  when you and I broke up for that month, I was heartbroken and lonely,  and I needed someone to talk to. So we started talking on the phone and I  confided in him about what had happened between us. He was there for me  and listened to me cry over you."

"I'm sorry that I keep hurting you." His face twisted in agony as he bowed his head.

"Just don't do it again," I teased as I lightly hit his chest.

"I promise." He leaned down and kissed me gently on the forehead. "I hate myself for causing you any pain."

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his warm hard  chest. We held each other in silence for a long time, and I felt my body  relax inside his embrace.

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"Are are you pregnant?" There wasn't any fear or anger in his voice. All I could hear was the concern he had for me.

I nodded against his chest as fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. "I am," I whispered.

His hugged me tighter. "Are we going to have a baby?" he asked softly.

I smiled up at him and saw the love in his eyes. "Do you want that?"

"I want whatever makes you happy."

My vision was partially blinded by my tears, but I could still see the  sincerity of his words in his eyes. "Yes, I want to keep our baby."

I watched him inhale deeply as he took in the news. "Why did you keep it from me?"

I gave him a meek smile. "Well, to be honest, I was scared. I mean, it's you, Damian."

"What's what suppose to mean?" He cocked his head and frowned.

I smiled. "Well, I guess you're the last guy I'd think pregnancy would be something they'd want to hear."

He chuckled. "Well with any other woman, that might be true. But it's  you, Alex. It's us. You know how crazy I am about you. You know how much  I've changed because of you. I just wish you'd had more faith in me  instead of confiding in your ex-boyfriend."

"I know. I'm sorry. I told Chris not because I didn't have faith in you  or us. I think I just needed a guy's opinion who wasn't in this  relationship. I was scared about how things would change between us once  you knew. I was scared you'd leave me."

"Alex. Come on. Give me some credit here. How could you think I'd leave  you just because you're pregnant?" I saw the indignation on his face and  felt guiltier than ever.

"Well, there's something else I need to tell you."

I felt his body tense around me and knew he could tell from the tone in my voice that it was serious.

"What is it?" He looked down at me, his face twisting with worry as he braced himself for the news.

"When I went to get a pregnancy test, I went for an annual exam as  well." I paused and sucked in a deep breath through my mouth. I looked  up at him and fought back the tears before continuing. "They found  something in my breasts." Tears ran down my face. "It's cancer."                       
       
           



       

The second my last word left my mouth, the air between us became dense and I saw the utter shock in his face.





CHAPTER ELEVEN

Damian

I felt a lump in my throat and found it hard to breathe as everything  sank in. Cancer. I was mad at her this entire time and she had cancer.  I'm the worst fucking person in the world.

Alexis looked at me intently, her hands rubbing together nervously as  she waited for me to say something. I pulled her toward me and wrapped  my arms around her.

"Alex, I'm so sorry baby." I held her tight inside my embrace, not wanting to ever let her go.

Her body shook against my chest as she began to sob violently. "I should have told you sooner," she whispered.

"I've been such an asshole. I can't believe I've been upset with you  when you were going through all this. It's my fault that you didn't feel  like you could tell me. How long have you known?"

"Damian." Alexis let out a soft giggle through her sobs "You're holding on to me too tightly. I can hardly breathe."

"Oh shit. Sorry!" I loosened my arms around her. "Come on. Let's go sit down and talk about this."

We sat down next to each other around the dining room table. I felt a  heaviness in my chest as I watched her somber expression. I wiped the  tears from her cheeks and brushed aside the loose strands of hair from  her face. It wasn't until now that I'd noticed the dark circles under  her eyes, her pale complexion, and the fear that had become a permanent  expression on her face. I wondered how long she'd looked like this and I  hadn't noticed. Have I been so self-absorbed and preoccupied about  myself that I didn't notice until now?

I held her hands between my palms and looked at her. "Take your time and tell me everything. Are they certain it's cancer?"

She looked downcast as she nodded slowly. "Yeah. After they noticed a  lump on my right breast during my annual exam, they did a biopsy. I got  it done right before our trip to Italy. The results came back last week,  and …  They're certain."

My chest tightened when I saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. I was  at a loss for words. I'd never been someone who was comfortable talking  about anything that went beyond superficial things, let alone something  as serious as what Alexis was facing. She's pregnant with our child and  she has breast cancer. How did this happen?

"How serious is it? What are you planning on doing?" I rubbed her hands and tried to soothe her.

"The doctor said that the good news is that they discovered the tumor early."

"Baby, that's great! So you'll be okay," I reassured her-and myself. I  watched her carefully, trying to figure out from her reactions what were  the right words to say.

She nodded and avoided my gaze.