Sweet Nothing(61)

“I know.” I sink into my desk chair, knowing I should feel worse about leaving Aria hanging like this. But it’s physically impossible for me to feel anxious or guilty about anything right now. It’s as if making love to Luke erased those emotions from my mind and body entirely. I haven’t felt this relaxed, this content, in years. “And you have every right to be.”

“Don’t patronize me. You’re patronizing me.”

I hope she can’t feel my smile over the phone. Because I’m not laughing at her, not really. When she gets like this, I can hear the petulant little girl in her voice. It makes me feel like we’re kids again. Reminds me of a time when we believed everything would always be okay.

“I’m not. I swear.” I lean back in my chair, propping the ankle booties I borrowed from Gwen on my desk and smoothing my black maxi skirt. “Tell me how to make it up to you.”

“Let me come down there. Stay with you for a while.” She answers so quickly, she almost cuts me off. The desperation in her voice hurts my heart.

“Aria.”

“Don’t say my name like that. I hate it when you say my name like that.” Her voice cracks.

“It’s just that you know that wouldn’t be a good idea.” For either of us. I can’t have Aria down here. If she ever found out that I’ve been lying about my past—about our past— she’d hate me. She’s never forgive me. And isn’t our relationship one of the only constants in her life right now? One of the only things that keeps her sane enough to deal with her reality?

“Why not? Give me one good reason.”

“School, for one thing.” I hate the way I sound right now. Uncaring, cold. Like our mother. “You’ve only got one more year, and then you’re free. If you come down here, you’d jeopardize that. How would it look that you just quit school at the beginning of your senior year?”

“So I’ll enroll at your school. I could stay with you and finish up there.” It’s clear she’s thought about this. Practiced her argument a million times.

“They couldn’t accept you in the middle of the year, A,” I say pleadingly. I can feel the tension starting to build in my shoulders. So much for my fleeting moment of relaxation. “Really, the best thing for you is to stay up there, finish out the year, and then you can go wherever you want. But you have to graduate first.”

“Screw you and your fucking rules, Elle. You’re not my goddamned mother. I already have one who’s shittier at it than you are. Or have you forgotten already?”

I brace myself against the sting of her words, even though I deserve them. If she knew my real reasons for keeping her at a distance, she’d say much worse. Or she’d say nothing at all, which scares me even more.

“Aria.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean that,” she mumbles.

I don’t deserve an apology. “It’s okay. Hey. Didn’t you say it was getting better up there? That things were getting back to normal?” I cradle my cell between my ear and shoulder and glance at the door. I wish Luke were here right now. I want the feeling that I get when our bodies are close. It’s a kind of calm I can’t manage to feel on my own.

“I guess.”

“Good. I really think they’re going to keep getting better, you know?” Where is he? I got to school early, expecting to see Luke before the bell. We’d fallen asleep intertwined on his couch, then woken early. I’d showered and left the house before Gwen and Waverly woke up. “And it’s only a year. It’ll go by faster than you think.”

“Maybe.” But she still sounds doubtful, and I don’t blame her. Being cooped up with our batshit crazy mother for an entire school year is more than I could handle. And Aria’s always been fragile. “Could I at least come down for Spring Break, or something?”

“Maybe.” I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep her away all year, but I’ll come up with something. “Although I’m not sure I love the idea of you prancing around Miami Beach for a week. You’re not even 18.”

“Almost,” she argues. “And besides, I don’t prance, dumbass.”

There’s a soft knock on my door, and I look up to see Luke through the glass. I grin and wave him inside.

“You’d better not be prancing up there, either,” I tease.

“Well, as long as you’re bringing it up, David and I pranced last night. Three times, actually.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Byeeee.”

I roll my eyes and end the call. “Unbelieva—”