Sweet Nothing(75)

“We all have a past, Elle—” He stops himself. “Elliot?”

I allow myself a wry smile. “Elliot works.”

“Elliot,” he nods. “No matter what name you choose, you’re still you. And if you had just told me about your past, I—”

“You would have been fine with it?” I say sharply. I start to pull away, but Luke won’t release me. “I seriously doubt that.”

“Look at me. Look me in the eye.”

When I do, the connection between us tightens.

“I’m not saying it wouldn’t be hard for me. But I’m saying that I love you, Elliot, and I truly don’t give a fuck about anything other than that.”

I want to believe him. I want to think that Luke can accept me, can be okay with my family. Maybe he can. But it wouldn’t be fair to drag him in to the hurricane that is my life. Especially now.

“I may have to stay in New York,” I say softly. “Indefinitely.”

“I’ll stay with you,” he says urgently.

I shake my head. “You can’t. You have your job, and your daughter. You can’t just leave.”

“Then I’ll come up on weekends, when I don’t have Lilah. We’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Okay.” I nod, resting my paper cup on the floor beneath my seat. “We’ll figure it out.” This much I know: I need Luke Poulos in my life. But if being with Luke means not being there for Aria…. I push the thought from my mind. I don’t have to make a choice. Not tonight, anyway.

“Okay, Elliot.” Luke tugs me toward him, lowering his mouth to mine. He kisses me softly at first, then more urgently. His tongue finds mine. I want to disappear in him. I want him to take me away from here, but I know that not even Luke has the power to erase everything that’s happening.

“Ms. Halloran?” The nurse calls.

Reluctantly, I pull away. My body runs hot, then cold. My eyes flick nervously to Luke. Behind the ocean of blue there is a deep calm.. He anchors me.

“Go on back,” he tells me. “I’ll be right here.”

Trembling, I stand. The nurse is waiting; holding a chart and standing patiently in front of a set of double doors. Slowly, I move toward her. Because I know that Luke is right: I have to go back. Back to my family; back to face my past and make sense of my future. And I know that I can do all of those things, as long as Luke will be there.

Waiting for me.