Sinful Nights(67)

What could she say? I don't know.'

Neither do I,' he said grimly.

She heard him sigh as he levered his shoulders off the door. Even now,  exhausted with anxiety and tension, there was a magnetic attraction  about him that she recognised and recoiled from. She saw him frown as  she stepped back.

Look, I really am sorry about what I said to you. There was no call for  it. Put it down to tiredness and the frustration of having to fend off  my friends' matchmaking efforts. To have you repeat what they had been  saying to me-that Heather needed a mother-'

Made you leap to the instant conclusion that I had myself in mind,'  said Claire wryly. Yes, I can understand that, but you were quite  wrong. A husband is the last thing I'd want.'

She saw him frown. My remark was crass and uncalled for.'

A silence stretched between them, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. In fact, it was oddly companionable.

I'll come and see Heather later, if I may. Will it be all right if she stays here with you?'

She could see how much he hated having to ask, and that was something  else she could understand from her own experience of single parenthood.  It bred in one a fierce pride, a determination to manage alone without  having to ask for help-but help was sometimes needed, and it wasn't in  her nature to be anything less than generous. Pushing the heavy weight  of her hair off her face, she said firmly, Heather can stay here as  long as she wants to. I'm genuinely very fond of her, you know,' she  paused, searching for the right words, she's so vulnerable  …  and  …  and  wanting. Nothing like my independent little Lucy.'

Perhaps because she hasn't experienced the same security and love.'  Jay's voice was clipped, his eyes edged with bitterness. I've got to go  back now. I want to have a few words with Mrs Roberts. I can't blame it  all on her, though; I should have known. But she seemed so responsible.  She had such good references!'

As a housekeeper, perhaps,' said Claire gently, sensing his frustration  and guilt. But a woman who's a good housekeeper isn't always a good  … '

Mother? No,' he said bitterly. I can see that-now. I'll just go up and see Heather before I leave.'

He sounded uncertain and awkward, and Claire didn't go with him. Some things were too private to be witnessed by anyone else.

She's still asleep,' he told her when he came down. I'll come back  later.' Claire walked with him to the front door. As she opened it he  turned to face her.

I haven't thanked you,' he said huskily.    

 



 

There's nothing to thank me for.'

And she didn't feel there was. If she hadn't been there perhaps Heather  might never have thought of running away. She hadn't meant to encourage  the little girl to love her, but how much damage had she inadvertently  done?





CHAPTER THREE


BOTH GIRLS HAD had their supper and were bathed and pyjamaed when Jay  Fraser came back. They were sharing Lucy's room, but Claire took her own  daughter downstairs so that Jay and Heather could be alone.

She had barely been downstairs with Lucy for more than ten minutes when  Jay Fraser's dark head suddenly appeared round her sitting-room door. He  looked unexpectedly vulnerable for such a very hard-edged man, his  mouth set in a grimly despondent line.

Can you come?' he asked quietly. Heather seems to have cast me in the  role of angry parent; I can't get it through to her that she isn't going  to be punished.'

Claire had always been acutely sensitive to the feelings of others and  it was for that reason that she kept her attention fixed on a point to  the left of his shoulder rather than on his face. She didn't need a  crystal ball to know that he was finding it very hard to ask for her  help.

When she got upstairs Heather was curled up in a small ball, crying. The  moment she saw Claire she flung herself into her arms, cuddling up  against her. Over her dark head Claire looked at the grimly set face of  her father. Strange to think that less than a month ago she had viewed a  second meeting with this man with both apprehension and dread. Now she  was seeing him stripped of his masculine arrogance, a human being with  fears and doubts, and ridiculously she wanted to reassure him that  everything would be all right, and that Heather would eventually come  round.

Instead, she stroked her soft dark hair, and said quietly, It's all  right, Heather, your daddy isn't cross with you. He was very worried  about you, we all were.'

Mrs Roberts said he would lock me in my bedroom without anything to eat.'

The harsh exclamation smothered in his throat drew Claire's eyes back to  Jay's face. She wasn't enjoying witnessing his suffering.

Mrs Roberts is gone now. Your daddy is going to find someone else to look after you  …  when you go home.'

I don't want to go home!' Although they were muffled against her breast  Heather's words were quite clear, her voice shrill with a mixture of  fear and stubbornness. I want to stay here with you. I want you to be  my mummy.'

Claire didn't dare look at the tense figure standing by the door. What on earth was he thinking?

Swallowing the lump in her throat she said huskily, Heather, you know that I love you very much, but I'm not your mummy  … '

But I want you to be.' Tears weren't very far away, and Claire gnawed tensely at her bottom lip. What on earth could she say?

The bedroom door opened and Lucy came in, frowning. What are you doing  up here?' she demanded. Her question was directed at Claire, but she was  looking at Jay with a mixture of assessment and fascination in her  eyes. To Claire's amazement she went up to him, tilting her head back so  that she could look at him. For a little girl who had had virtually  nothing to do with the male sex, she was amazingly at ease with him.

Can Heather stay here with me?' She asked him. My mummy could look after her, and we could play together  … '

Across the room green eyes met grey. Lucy, I think it's time that you and Heather were both in bed.'

Claire had a suggestion to make, but she wasn't going to say anything in  front of the girls, just in case Jay Fraser rejected it. She wasn't  going to be accused of putting him in a position where he couldn't do  so.

She tucked Heather up in bed, and bent down to kiss her. Lucy climbed  into the other single bed, and after she too had received her goodnight  kiss she looked across at Jay and demanded, Aren't you going to kiss us  too?'

Claire hid a small smile at the expression in his eyes, but he acceded  to Lucy's request easily enough, kissing her first and then Heather, who  shrank away from him slightly.

Downstairs in the sitting-room she offered him coffee, but he shook his head.

More stimulation is the last thing I need right now. I've got a feeling  it's going to be hard enough to get to sleep as it is, and in less than  forty-eight hours I've got to fly back to the States. I'm more in need  of a stiff whisky than caffeine.'

I'm sorry, I don't have any.' Claire apologised, but he shook his head again.

I couldn't drink it anyway, I'm driving.'    

 



 

She wished that he would sit down; he made her feel nervous standing  over her like that. It gave her an unpleasant sensation in the pit of  her stomach to be alone with him. She always felt like that with men, no  matter how harmless they might be. As he moved restlessly she stepped  back from him, biting her lip as she saw his frown.

I didn't want to say anything when the girls could overhear us, but  …   if it would help I could have Heather until you find someone to take  charge of her.'

Complete silence followed her offer, and Claire felt the colour crawling  over her skin. Surely he didn't still think she had an ulterior motive  for making the offer? She risked a look at him, but could read nothing  in the slate-grey eyes and hard mouth.

Look, I assure you that I don't want  …  a husband  …  if that's what  you're thinking  … ' She could have cried at her own gaucheness. What on  earth must he be thinking? She told herself it didn't matter and that  Heather was the prime concern here.

If Jay Fraser had been a woman there wouldn't have been the slightest  degree of awkwardness in her making the suggestion, but with his remarks  about a second marriage and involvement very much to the forefront of  her mind, Lucy hoped that he wouldn't misconstrue her offer.

The silence stretched from seconds into minutes, while her heartbeat  picked up to an almost unbearable speed. What on earth was he thinking?  Why didn't he say something, even if it was only a refusal?

When he did speak he sounded very abrupt. You make me feel very ashamed  of myself,' he told her. You're being far more generous than I  deserve. Almost every other woman I know would have enjoyed making me  eat humble pie and be for the help you've just offered. It's an art at  which my ex-wife was an expert.'

Do you  …  do you still love her?'

Claire felt her face flame with embarrassment. What on earth had got  into her? She looked away from him, and said indistinctly, I'm sorry,  that was unforgivable.'

It's all right. You aren't the first to ask. No, I don't still love  her. I don't think any man can love a woman who rejects his child. To be  honest with you, I no longer believe that passionate love exists.  Sexual desire, yes, and non-sexual love of the kind I feel for Heather.  And you  …  do you still love Lucy's father  … ?'