Silent No More(73)

“Fine,” I concede as I follow her out of the bathroom. I walk down the hall into my room and enter the bathroom. I start to pull off my top as Nikki starts the water.

“I’m going to go feed the dogs. I’ll be in the living room when you’re ready.” She exits the bathroom as I’m entering the shower. The hot water hits my body like sharp needles. I yelp, but after a few seconds, the piercing feeling subsides and starts to feel better.

I wash my hair and use some of Nick’s body wash to clean myself. It, along with a few articles of clothing, is all I have that still smells like him. I’ll take every little fix I can get. I miss him like crazy and my heart still hurts. The pain there continues to get worse with each passing day. I thought time was supposed to heal all wounds. That hasn’t happened for me. It’s only been one week, so maybe I haven’t given it enough time. I don’t want more time…I just want…him.

I turn off the water once I have rinsed all the soap off my body. I step out and towel off. I walk up to the sink and brush my teeth for the first time in a couple of days. Gross…I know. I do a quick blow dry of my hair. I don’t have the strength to stand here for five minutes, so a lot of it is still damp.

Walking out of the bathroom, I head into my closet where I put on a clean pair of panties and a bra. I don’t bother with getting a matching pair. I don’t care what I look like. I grab my black Nine-Inch-Nails t-shirt that says “NIN” across the front, from a hanger and pull it over my head. I toss the hanger to the floor and retrieve a pair of ripped blue jeans. They are my favorite and I need every bit of comfort I can get right now.

Tossing the hanger to the floor, I put each leg into the pants and pull them up. I button them and find they are a little snug. Just perfect! A side effect of my break-up and not eating is weight gain. The day just gets better and better!

I grab my socks and tennis shoes, sit down, put them on and tie the laces. I stand up and feel a little light headed, but not so nauseous as before my shower.

I walk out into the living room and see Nikki at the kitchen sink. She is loading the dishwasher with all my dirty dishes.

“Thanks, but you didn’t have to do that.” I bend down and pet Charmin on the top of her head. I haven’t been a good dog parent in the last week. They aren’t even my dogs. They are probably the reason Nikki is here. Nick must have asked her to come get them.

“They’re done now, so let’s just go. Are you feeling any better?” she asks as she presses the start button on the machine. She is looking at me, but I can’t read her. She looks torn and sad, like she wants to say something, but doesn’t at the same time.

“A little,” I reply as she walks past me to the front door. I follow and close up behind me. She walks to her red Jeep Wrangler. I wouldn’t have pictured her driving this. “I wouldn’t have pictured you driving this type of vehicle.”

“Oh, this is Jason’s truck. He took my car in to get serviced this morning. His truck is all right and all, but it does not compare to my Mercedes that Nick got me for my birthday.” she replies excitedly as she walks around to the driver’s side.

I climb in and shut my door. She does the same and starts the truck. She drives to a local medical clinic not far from my house. We go in and I sign my name on the sign-in sheet. I have never been here before, so I have to give them all my information before I take a seat to wait. The wait isn’t long at all. Nikki is quiet. She has been biting her nails since she got into the truck.

I’m sure she is feeling somewhat uncomfortable sitting next to me. I’m sure Nick told her everything, well, everything from the version his father told him. It wasn’t the truth, but she doesn’t know that. God, what she must think of me?

“Miss Taylor?” I hear my name called. I get up and walk to the nurse calling my name. Nikki follows me. My temperature and weight is taken. My temperature is normal, but I’ve gained six pounds which would account for the tight pants.

The nurse asks us to follow her to a small room where we are to wait to see the doctor. The nurse closes the door behind her as she exits. I take a seat on the exam table and Nikki sits in one of the hard chairs in the room. She is avoiding looking at me.

“You didn’t have to come with me. I appreciate it, but it wasn’t necessary. I can only imagine what you must think of me.” I lay back on the table and throw my arm over my eyes. My life sucks right now and I don’t know how I ended up here.

“Shannon,” Nikki starts, “I−I don’t think anything bad of you. How could I?” she says.