Silent No More(86)

“He was beaten to death sometime last night or early this morning. His body was found on a beach by a man running,” Nikki tells me before turning her eyes back on her brother. “Nick?” she still questions.

“You heard her. I’ve been here. Besides, I rode with Jase last night. It’s not like I had a way to leave.” He turns, facing away from us and runs his hand back through his hair. “Is there anything else?” he asks as he starts to walk off.

“Mom,” she says, causing Nick to stop before reaching the kitchen. He turns back around. “She is freaking out. And the fact that you didn’t show up for your usual birthday breakfast this morning,” she pauses. “Well, what do you suppose she is thinking right now?”

Nick’s eyes fall back on me. They are pleading like he’s silently asking me for some type of forgiveness. But why?

“Take me over there,” he says, but I can tell it’s not directed at me, even though his eyes haven’t left mine. He can’t leave.

“No, you can’t leave,” I say and quickly walk over to him.

“Nikki, go wait in the car,” he command and she immediately follows his directions. I grab the bottom of his t-shirt for something to hold onto.

“Nick, please don’t leave, or at least let−” I say, but he cuts me off before I finish.

“I have to deal with this…with my mother,” he says, but that isn’t what his eyes are telling me. I think back to the pleading look from a few moments ago. It doesn’t sit well with me. He’s planning on walking out the door and I don’t think he plans to return.

“What just happened here?” I question, motioning between both our bodies. I’m confused. Last night, he said he missed me; he loved me and then…is what I told him too much?

“I need to walk away before I hurt you even more.” He grips my upper arms as if to hold himself back.

What the fuck is he talking about? Hurt me? He hasn’t. “Nick, you haven’t done anything, but you’re about to,” I pause. “Aren’t you?”

He looks up at the ceiling. “Yes, I have. Everything that’s happened to you is my fault,” he states.

“No, it’s not,” I try to reassure him, but it comes out as whine. What his father did to me, both times…Nick isn’t to blame. The blame is all on his father. I only hope whoever killed him made him feel every bit of pain before he took his last breath. I know the Bible says, vengeance is the Lord’s, but I can’t help but wish I would have been strong enough to hurt him back.

“You’re better off without me. That way, it will be easier to forget,” he says, releasing me and taking a step back. My hands fall from his shirt.

“Maybe forgetting is what I don’t want anymore. Don’t walk away from us. Don’t walk away from me, please,” I beg. I still have so much to face. Just because it’s out there and I’ve finally told someone, doesn’t mean I’ve dealt with it. I know this. It’s going to be a long time before I can truly put this behind me.

“I have to,” he says as he makes his way to the door. His voice is sad.

“Nick?” I whisper as he’s opening it. He pauses before exiting. “I’m pregnant.”

I hear a loud gasp escape his mouth and Nick grabs the doorframe. I can’t see his face to gauge his reaction, but I quickly remember what Nikki told me. Nick doesn’t want kids.

“Is it mine?” he whispers back.

“Yes,” I say and he drops his head. After a few seconds, he proceeds out the door, closing it behind him, but doesn’t look back.

He’s gone and I’m alone again.